13 dpo - BFN

I caved and tested this morning.  I wasn't feeling pregnant, but I am just sick of not knowing one way or another.  As I expected, an unquestionable BFN.  Even though I have been expecting this for this cycle due to the fact that I was so sick right around O, it doesn't make it hurt any less.  We did have sex 8 days in a row right around my fertile period.  If I could, I would scream and cry and pound my fists on the floor.  I can't do that though because I don't want my husband to think I am a total psycho.  Instead, I am going to just pretend like it's not that big of a deal and start planning next month around my stupid cycle.

Last night we went to our local fireworks with our dog.  We were literally the only 30 something couple there without children.  I pointed this out to my husband and he proceeded to ask me if I could go one day without bringing up this type of depressing comment.  I pointed out that I didn't make a depressing comment yesterday.  Not the kind of fight I want to get into.

We were supposed to go to a BBQ at a friend's house today, but now I don't feel like going.  One of my friends that got pregnant by accident might be there and I definitely am in no mood to face her and her new perfect baby today.  Instead, I am going to first go to the gym and kick my own ass there.  Next, I am going to take out my aggression on a paint brush and paint my dining room.  Then maybe I'll go to Home Goods and buy some shelves.  Fun times.

I thought this medicine that I was taking was supposed to help me get pregnant.  It seems like it is only hurting me.  I never had trouble getting pregnant before, only had trouble sustaining the pregnancy.  Now I am having trouble getting pregnant.  What gives?  If this next cycle isn't successful, I might just go off the meds completely and contend with my long cycle.  I have totally painted a rain cloud over this day.  Happy 4th of July.