My chart has decided to play tricks on me this cycle like it did my first Femara cycle.  In that cycle, my temp decided to spike at 13 dpo and then fall a ton the next day and the day after that, leaving me with an annoying 15 day LP and a very negative beta.  After my temp went down yesterday, it has decided to go back up again today.  I still have no pregnancy symptoms to speak of.  I don't even really have any AF symptoms either, though. 

Tomorrow is testing day.  I am really proud of myself that I have not once been tempted to pee on any sticks.  Ok, I lied, I have been tempted, but I have restrained.  I have looked at lots of positive pregnancy tests on FF, though.  I don't know why I have this masochistic obsession of looking at positive pregnancy tests when I near the end of my LP.  I guess I am hoping that maybe my body will get the hint and turn out a positive test?  Haha.  Wouldn't it be great if it were that easy?!  Look at these pregnancy tests and then in the morning...poof you are pregnant! 

I guess only time will tell. 

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Yesterday I woke up in a terrible mood and all because of one stupid thing, my temperature.  It is amazing how I can let something like a temperature ruin almost an entire day.  I would love to say that this is the first time that this has happened to me, but that wouldn't be true.  There have been many times in the past 6 months where my temperature has caused me so much stress, anger, and confusion.  What has my life come to?!

Explaining how I feel to anyone who isn't temping or hasn't temped wouldn't make any sense.  So many people I know tell me to stop doing it and to stop trying.  I am not going to even get into the whole "stop trying and it will happen" thing or the "I know someone who adopted and then got pregnant".  Temping is one of the only things that I feel, in my situation, helps me feel like I have some perceived level of control.  The past year of my life has been so outside of my control, so it feel like being able to at least track what my body is doing helps give me some comfort.  I know I really have no control over what my body does (that is obvious to me at this point!), but I know when/if I have ovulated and when I am going to get my period.

We put the cats in the basement last night so I had a much better night's sleep.  I slept until just a little while before my alarm went off at 4:30 AM.  I took my temp and then went right back to sleep.  I am a big fan of the recall button.  I am working from home today so I got to go back to sleep for another 2 hours.  When I woke up I was filled with so much anxiety about what my temp would be.  Turns out it was much higher.  Now I am thinking that I may have ovulated yesterday and my temp from Wednesday was a fluke because of my quick illness.  I have not yet thrown out a temperature, but I am thinking of doing that with Wednesday's.  Advice would be appreciated!

Today is a better day.  I have a little more hope for this cycle even though I have a feeling that this isn't going to be it.  It is Friday, we are going out with friends tonight, it is going to be a nice and warm weekend.  Now I just need to remember to breathe.  I shouldn't let me days be defined by a wacky temperature.  There is so much more to life than that.

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