Little B is 2 months as of yesterday.  It is like I blinked and now he is 2 months old.  He is two weeks old and I only have one month left of maternity leave.  How is this possible?  Last week, I dragged my little sister, who was visiting, to my work for a visit with the baby.  It was nice to see my friends, but it really felt awful to be back there.  It was depressing to see everyone cooped up inside staring at computer screens while it was sunny and 75 outside.  Right now I am trying to come up with a way to change careers.  Either that or I need a get right quick scheme.  Any one have any ideas?

Seeing as I only get time to update every few weeks now, I will do the update in the bullet type format.  Little B is stirring in his swing so this may not get completed in one session!

Little B
He is growing like a weed.  At our appointment last week he weighed in at a whopping 12 lbs. 7 oz.  The reason he was at the doctor was because he has either acid reflux or some type of food sensitivity (such as MSPI).  His symptoms were spitting up large amounts after eating and then multiple times in between feedings, crying after eating, arching his back after eating, and straining to have a BM.  My poor little guy!  He is now on Zantac, twice a day (1.6 ml), plus I have eliminated many different categories of food from my diet, but I will talk about that later.  B is now smiling and laughing when you engage him in songs or baby talk.  He is generally a happy baby, except for when he eats.  He has his 2 month appointment this Friday and will get a plethora of shots.  I am nervous for this and plan on dragging my husband there if he can get out of work.  We are still attending music class and the breastfeeding support group each week.  We don't really have a daily routine right now other than B getting up around 7 AM and going to bed around 8 PM.  He usually gets a "bath" at 7 PM.  I put bath in quotes because it is him sitting in his tub with warm water.  We don't usually use soap unless he is really dirty.  He LOVES the bath.  He just hates getting out!

Baby Connect
I have to dedicate a bullet to this amazing iPhone/iPad app.  Basically it is a way to track your baby's feedings, diapers, sleep, bottles, pumping, medical info, milestones, events, etc.  My husband and I both have it since it syncs regularly.  He can see what I have been doing all day and when he takes care of the baby he can tell where I left off.  I always forget which side I last nursed on so with this app there is never a question.  It also helps when we go to the doctor so that I can give the pedi accurate info.  One of the coolest features are the charts and graphs.  You can see patterns of diaper changes and feeding.  I am an analyst and I am a geek so I freaking love this.  I wish I would have found it right wen B was born.  I have been using it for a month now and have already converted several people to it.  :)

Figure 8 Maternity
I wish I had found this before I had B.  This site has so many great nursing outfits and, what I was most interested in, shaping wear.  I have been super depressed about my stomach.  In 2 months with some PT, it still looks terrible.  I still look pregnant.  I started wearing a SPANX tank that I have and that helps a little.  I am still wearing the compression band most of the time.  I found a bunch of solutions on this Figure 8 Maternity site that I bought and will test out and report back.  I got the "MomBod Fitness Post-Natal FITsplint, and the Mother Tucker Compression Nursing Tank.  They have lots of great supplies for c-section mommies, too, which I also wish I would have know about 2 months ago.  Go take a look!

My New Diet
So I am still up between 8-10 lbs.  This is not why I am on yet another special diet.  I have been asked by the pedi to eliminate the following items: dairy, soy, & wheat.  Doesn't sound that bad when you list out 3 things, until you find out that everything has soy in it or see a basket of cheesy bread.  Ok so the carbs I can live without.  The diabetes helped me with that.  My diet is now limited to fruit, veggies, meats, and nuts.  Can you say "see ya 8-10 lbs"?  If it means that I will be able to continue breastfeeding my little chunker, than I am willing to make the sacrifice.  Maybe it will help me wedge myself into my bathing suit.

All in all things are going well for us.  Yesterday we had quite the scare which involved a walk with B and my dog, another attack dog, police & and ambulance.  I figure that since it has taken me 2 days to get this far that I should probably cut this short and write about that fine experience at a later time.

Hope all of my TTC, pregnant, and momma friends are doing well!  xoxo

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I can't believe that I already had my 6 week OB appointment today.  B will be 7 weeks on Thursday!  Where has the time gone?

I was really nervous for my appointment this morning for a few reasons.  The first reason was because I had to go alone with B.  I have gone alone with him to appointments before, but never to the hospital and never for 4 1/2 hours.  I had to go early this morning to first get my 2 hour GTT and then for my OB appointment afterwards at 11:20 AM.  So yeah, I had to entertain B for several hours, in a hospital setting, by myself.

Turns out it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  I nursed him a total of 2 times and changed 3 diapers in the family restrooms.  Luckily everything in the hospital is wheelchair accessible!  I hate the nursing covers and would prefer to just "free-boob" it, but I am not sure how legal that is in my state (or anywhere for that matter).

The 2 hour GTT test wasn't as bad as the 3 hour, but the drink was by far worse.  It wasn't the orange flavored one, it was no flavor other than sugar water.  I choked it down and it threatened to come back up for several minutes.  Luckily I could drink water to take the sticky, sweet taste out of my mouth.  GROSS!

After chugging the gross drink, B and I did several laps around the hospital.  We walked past the fertility clinic.  I wanted to go in and thank my RE and their staff, but didn't think they would even remember me since it was September that I was there last.  I saw the doctor that delivered B and I also saw a few other doctors that I remembered walking the halls.  It was weird to be back there again for what will be the last time for quite a while (or until I try to get pregnant again or get pregnant again on my own).  The site of so many heartbreaks and bad memories, now has a bunch of great memories for me.  They helped me conceive and birth my son.  I am forever grateful.

After my last blood draw, I headed over for one last visit to MFM.  I am not sure what my BP was, but my weight is 133 (down from a high of 164 plus).  I still have 13 lbs to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, or 15 lbs to lose to get back to my goal weight.  I realize that this weight should not come off until I stop breastfeeding and I am ok with that.

I talked to my doctor one last time.  We discussed birth control, as he gave me the all-clear for sex (which I still have no interest in right now...sorry hubby!).  I am going to start the mini-pill on Sunday.  Not really excited about that, but I also do not want to get pregnant for at least a year and having something put into me like an IUD sounds completely unappealing.  We also discussed exercise and my diastasis recti.  I told him about the marathon and he told me that I can start running...slowly.  I am surely going to be at the pace of a turtle for some time.  As for the ab situation, he told me that he has never seen anyone have luck with physical therapy, but he agreed to write me a prescription if I agreed to call him and let him know if it worked or not.  He also told me that if I choose to have another baby and a c-section that he will stitch my abs back together as part of the surgery, if that was going to be my last child.  I love this man!!  He also checked my incision, which he said looked good and he gave me a pap smear which hurt like hell.  He told me to give them a call if I get pregnant and we'll do it all over again starting at 8 weeks.

I really felt like hugging him, but I thought that would be weird.  Seems like so long ago that I walked in there for the first time, crying and so scared.  He really always helped to calm me down.  He never tried to blow smoke and sugar coat anything, but he also didn't unnecessarily scare me either.  It is crazy that you spend so much time at their office when you are pregnant and then you just stop going.  It sounds weird to say that I will actually miss going for regular check-ups there.

When I handed the receptionist my paperwork and told her that I did not need to schedule a follow-up it felt like I was graduating.  I now have my healthy baby that I worked so hard for.  Quite a surreal feeling.  I did it.  I overcame whatever issue I had.  I fought and I won.

When I got home I already had an email from the nurse giving me the results of the 2 hour GTT.  I PASSED!  NO MORE DIABETES!!  My fasting was 87 and my 2 hour was 112.  I breathed a sigh of relief, but know that I will forever have changed my eating habits and will always be thinking about diabetes.  I know that I am at a higher risk now for type-2 diabetes, so I have even more incentive to stay healthy.

Today was a good day.  B has been doing better the past few days.  I have a more thorough update of him that I need to write, but I hear him stirring from his nap so I need to get back to mommy duty.  

For fun, here are some before and after shots of my mangled belly.  Something to work my ass off for.    I am jealous of my old body!  Enjoy!

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As you can see, my blogging has gotten pretty sparse lately.  I knew having a baby would make me have less time for things like writing, but I think I grossly underestimated how much less time I would have.  When I do have a free minute I tend to do things like throw laundry in, do the dishes, make the bed, get dressed, go to the bathroom, call my grandma to thank her for my birthday present 2 weeks late...

The crazy thing is that I have a ton of stuff to write about.  I am going to try to make a better effort to write out all of these posts that I am thinking of writing, but for now I am just going to give an update since I have exactly 1/2 hour before I have to feed baby B and go to bed.

Baby B
I can't believe that he will be 6 weeks old on Thursday.  He is awesome and amazing.  Cute and snuggly.  He smells so good.  He is a great eater, but spits up quite a bit and is pretty gassy.  He is very strong and can lift his head and move it around with almost no support.  He is also extremely fussy!  He loves to be held all of his waking hours.  I went out and bought some gripe water to help with his fussiness.  I am still not sure if it is helping or not, but he does seem a little happier.  He also likes the stroller, taking rides in the car, and being toted in the M.oby wrap.  He is growing like a weed.  At his 1 month appointment he weighed 11.1 lbs (up from 9.5 lbs, 2 weeks earlier) and he is now 22 inches.  He is only sleeping about 3 hours (at the most) consecutively at night.  Needless to say, mommy is pretty tired.  He likes a pacifier sometimes, but tends to spit it out after a few minutes.  His fav paci so far has been the S.oothie, but we introduced the N.uk and it seems to stay in his mouth better.  He loves having a bath!  He also loves being swaddled in the S.waddle M.e wrap, which I would STRONGLY recommend.  It makes swaddling in the middle of the night so much easier.  He likes newborn music class!  He will laugh and smile if you catch him in a good mood and squeak his soft rattle.  Seeing his smile makes all of the shit that I went through over the past years worth every last sucky minute.

Breastfeeding
Still going...!  Things have gotten much easier.  B is definitely getting enough to eat as he has gained quite a bit (78 percentile).  My only real issues, which are opposite of the issues I though I would have...oversupply and overactive letdown.  When B goes to latch I literally make him choke with my fire-hose of a letdown.  Sometimes I pump a little off first, but I can't do that in the middle of the night.  Last night I tried hand expressing some milk before feeding him in the middle of the night and I can shoot a stream of milk several feet in front of me.  The lactation consultant that I saw last Friday told me to lay off the oatmeal and M.other's M.ilk tea.  Oh and the lactation cookies that I made were unnecessary, I guess.  I have started pumping at least once a day to save up for when I go back to work.  It is hard to find time to pump since B is very demanding, but I want to start introducing a bottle to him at 6 weeks.  I don't anticipate an issue, but I guess I have been wrong about everything so far.  We'll see.

Thyroid/Diabetes
I had an appointment at the Endocrinologist last Tuesday and they checked my TSH and A1C.  My TSH was only 1.01, so I am thinking that she will tell me that I can discontinue my 25 mcg of levothyroxine.    My A1C was 4.8, which was pretty good and equals an average glucose level of around 94.  I still have my 2 hour GTT in a week and a half so I am hoping that turns out ok.  I am still pretty conscious of my diet and I eat way less carbs that I did before.  I have cut out pasta and bread almost completely.  That said, I have been eating cereal and having treats here and there.  I was good for so long, I think I deserve some indulgence.

Postpartum Recovery
Physically, I feel so much better now than I did a few weeks ago.  I still have about 10 lbs to lose, but I have heard that you need to keep on some weight to be an efficient milk producer, so I am ok with that.  I don't think I look overweight so I am fine with it.  What I am NOT ok with is my stomach.  It is completely wrecked.  I have serious stretch marks and my belly button is gross.  I could write a whole post about this, and probably will at some point.  I have diastasis recti.  From my unscientific diagnosis, I have about a 4-5 finger separation of my ab muscles. I went from 6-pack abs to a sagging pouch of a stomach with a huge indentation in the middle.  It has caused me quite a but of depression.  I hate looking in the mirror, it makes me so upset.  I did some research online and asked friends for recommendations and I found a physical therapy program that rehabs women with this condition.  I am going for my first appointment in a week and a half.  I can't wait.  My scar looks great though.  It is almost invisible to me.  I don't mind it at all.  I have no traces of the PUPPPs rash...thank goodness.  I have been walking with B and my dog.  My bleeding stopped about 2 weeks ago and now it is just annoying (TMI) yellow discharge.  Enough for liners 24/7.  I will be so glad when I can stop wearing a liner!  I have been through my entire pregnancy, too!  My doctor prescribed me the mini-pill, but I have not started taking it yet.  I really don't want to take it, but I also don't want to get pregnant any time soon.  Knowing my luck, I would get pregnant with a take home baby if we had sex.  Speaking of sex, we still have not undertaken that activity yet.  I am waiting until my 6 week pp doctors visit before we do it, just to be safe.  I am mentally looking forward to it, but not physically.  I am worried that I'll be in pain.

Other Stuff
I officially signed up for the NYC Marathon.  Yes, I am nuts.  My husband got me a personal running coach and class for my birthday, along with a new pair of sneaks!  I am waiting for my 6 week pp appointment to get the go ahead, but I am not sure they will even let me start running yet and I am not sure I want to run yet.  I feel like my organs might migrate out through the whole in my abs.  Gross.

The dog has been great with the baby.  He is protective and watches B when I leave him in his swing and have to run upstairs.  He likes to lick his head, which we don't let him do often, but occasionally.  :)  The cats have been a huge pain in the ass, though.  They have already scratched up his lovely glider and love to climb in his crib and pack and play with any opportunity that they get.  We have to keep the doors closed, which sucks.  I hope they get better, but I have a feeling this is just cats being cats.

Lastly, I got my medical bill from my 6 days stay...$55,000.  Wowzers.  Thank goodness I am only responsible for $500 of it.  Can't imagine what would happen if I didn't have insurance.

Alright my grace period has expired.  My boobs are telling me that B is hungry.  He is still asleep so he doesn't know it yet, but he will as soon as I pick him up.  Now I need to catch up on my blog list!  I still read when I am breastfeeding, but do it on my iPad, so it is hard for me to comment.  I am still following along with you ladies though.  :)  I hope you are all doing well!

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I can't believe that little B is already 20 days old.  It seems like just yesterday we were watching him wiggle around on the ultrasound screen.  Time really does fly.  I think that sleep deprivation makes things go even faster, if that is possible.  The days and nights are all blurred into one long never ending  day.  I LOVE the weekends because I have my husband home to help me.

Even though I am only 20 days in, I have already learned a lot.  I know every baby is different, but I'll outline a few of the main things that I have learned already.  It might help some of the new mommies or soon-to-be mommies.  Having different perspectives is always helpful!  These are my experiences and may not be what you will experience so please keep that in mind!

1.  Nothing can prepare you for the lack of sleep that you will experience.  All of those silly people who told me to "rest up" and "bank my sleep" seriously had no clue what they were talking about.  You can't stockpile sleep and if you could, being huge and pregnant doesn't lend well to sleeping anyways.  Once the baby is born, you can say goodbye to more than 3 hour stretches of sleep at a time, at least for the first few weeks.  Napping during the day doesn't really help, in my experience.  I wake up groggy and confused.  During B's first few days, I had to wake him up to feed him so he could regain back to his birth weight.  Once I stopped setting my alarm every 2 1/2 hours, he started waking me up every 2 hours on his own, go figure.  It is actually quite amazing that one can function with 3 total hours of broken sleep a night.

2.  Hormones are a BITCH.  I can go from so happy and grateful to angry and upset in 10 seconds.  I wake up at night drenched in sweat.  I have a very short fuse.  My hair is falling out, but not as bad as it did after my first miscarriage.  My beautiful pregnancy skin (yes, this was one area where I was lucky) has given way to a greasy broken out mess.  I look at B and I cry sometimes because he is so perfect and I feel like I don't deserve him.  I feel like I am not nearly as good of a mother as my mother was.  I never heard her complain about getting up in the middle of the night with any of my brothers or sisters.  I never heard to cry over sleep deprivation and when a baby would not stop crying.  My mother was a saint.  God bless her.

3.  Nursing is hard and good nursing friendly clothing is hard to come by, apparently.  During the first few days of nursing, when my milk came in, I was in a tremendous amount of pain.  My boobs felt like painful rocks.  I even ran a slight temperature.  I called my mom crying and she told me it was all normal and that it would pass in a day or two.  She was right.  Then came the sore nipples and scabs.  Yes, sounds gross, but this is what happened to me.  My nipples felt like they were going to fall off so I alternated feedings with the nipple shield.  Yes, it was a pain in the ass to clean and make it stay on, but it helped when I felt like throwing in the towel.  The scabs caused some clogged ducts, which felt like huge painful lumps.  Massaging and hovering over the baby to feed for a few sessions helped with this.  Rock hard boobs, calloused nipples, and clogged ducts gave way to a crazy milk supply.  I was worried about not producing enough when, in fact, I have a great supply.  I even have an overactive letdown which sometimes causes little B to choke because the milk comes spraying out!  This brings me to nursing clothes.  I bought a few nursing tanks at T.arget that I love and then a few more online.  Regular shirts are just useless right now, even if you have a good nursing bra (I recommend the B.ravado seamless bra).  I ordered a few more from T.arget the other day and they cancelled my order saying they are no longer in stock even though when I look online it says that have them.  I would recommend nursing tanks for wearing to sleep and around the house.  Buy a bunch because you'll find that you need to change 2-3 times a day for various reasons (baby spit, milk dripping, explosive poops, etc.).

4.  C-section recovery sucks.  I still am angry and feel cheated.  Please don't judge me.  I know I should just be happy I have my baby, but every time I think about my awful birth experience, I cry.  My husband keeps telling me to get over it and he is right.  I need to move on.  I think I might need to go back to see my therapist.  Similarly to how I was when I was having trouble staying pregnant, I am jealous of other people's seemingly perfect birth experiences and easy recoveries.  I know that this probably is not normal.  Physically, my incision is healing well, but all of my past rub right at that spot.  I haven't found any that are comfortable.  I also still look pregnant.  This is the most bothersome to me.  I have lost 35 lbs, but yet I still have this swollen belly that is covered in stretch marks.  I have no idea if this is normal and if it will go away.  I can't lift more than 15 lbs. so that really restricts what I can do and where I can go.  I just want to feel normal, look normal, and enjoy my baby without all of the restrictions.

5.  You'll never love anything as much as you love your baby.  This one is so very true.  My friends did warn me about this and I wasn't sure I believed them, but now I know that they were right.  No matter how much they fuss or cry or spit up or pee/poop all over you the love that you feel for them is so unconditional and immense.  I look at him and I cry because I love him so much.  It is so amazing to me how much you can love such a tiny little human so much.  He really makes everything else that sucks so bad, worth it.  I would go through all this crap 100 times over if I had to do it to get him.                  

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Can you tell that I have been a little preoccupied in the past few days?  I was cranking this out and then got so busy with B now that he is starting to stay awake for longer periods of time.  Here goes the hospital recovery part.  This may take me several days to finish!

After my surgery I was wheeled back into the room where I had labored for many hours.  One of the nurses tried to take my blood pressure and was having no luck because I had the shakes so bad.  No one warned me about this.  I could not control my body, at all.  My husband said that he tried for almost 2 hours before he finally got it to take.  Someone came in and drew blood from me.  Another nurse wheeled the baby in and tried to help me breastfeed him for the first time.  Breastfeeding immediately after birth was one of the top items I wanted to accomplish from my birth plan, but at this point I was having trouble remembering where I even was or what had happened.  I had absolutely no idea what time it was or what was going one.  They kept trying to force my baby to latch and I had absolutely no interest in it.  I could barely keep my eyes open let alone listen to them try to instruct me on how to feed my baby.  I think that they finally gave up on the breastfeeding because when I woke up, it was about 6:30 in the morning and they were ready to move me to recovery.  Luckily I didn't really know what was going on because I think that I would have been really upset.  What a total failure.  I couldn't nurse my own baby.  My nightmares were now a reality.  :(

Once I was wheeled up into my new room, I started to wake up a little.  I had a catheter and massaging calf wraps on both of my legs to prevent blood clots.  I was fairly immobile.  I was also insanely itchy from the PUPPPs and very swollen.   I was also very thirsty, but they would not allow me to have ANY liquids other than a few ice chips every 1/2 hour.  I was so annoyed and upset.

Nurses and doctors filed in and out, checking on the baby and me.  I was taking oxycodone and Tylenol/Motrin every few hours along with other things like antihistamines to try to control my spreading rash.   My poor little B had to have his foot pricked every few hours to test his blood sugar.  Luckily everything was normal for him.  They also checked my blood sugar, which was within normal levels (albeit high-normal) so they released me from further diabetes testing in the hospital and the diabetes menu.

That first day was kind of a blur.  The things that stand out most are walking down the hallway with a nurse who applauded my efforts at walking several hundred feet without being dizzy or fainting.  I also met with a lactation consultant who instructed me on how to feed the baby.  She was awesome.  Very nice and understanding and gave a ton of good advice.  She explained that my milk would not come in until day 4-5 so that I should be patient with myself until then and try to pump colostrum, if possible.  We had a few visitors on Thursday, which was nice.  I felt like I had been in the hospital forever at this point.  That night we let B sleep in the nursery for a few hours.  I NEVER wanted to do this, but then again I never thought I would have needed a c-section, either.  The 4 hours of sleep I got made me feel so much better, physically.

Friday was a weird day.  Without saying too much, I'll just say that outside events made this day quite surreal.  It was a total out of body experience.  To make things even weirder, I came to find out that I had lost 2 liters of blood during the surgery, which explains why I felt so bad and had completely white lips.  Apparently my hematocrit levels were extremely low (I was now anemic) and the doctors were recommending a blood transfusion as soon as possible.  I was totally stunned and upset.  Why was my body failing me??  I sucked it up and did the transfusion, which took about 5 hours total.

During the transfusion I tried to feed the baby, but it was not going very well.  My nipples hurt and he seemed very hungry and cried a lot.  He was not having wet or dirty diapers as he was supposed to.  When they weighed him in the evening he had lost 10% of his body weight and was down to 8 lb 3 oz.  I had tried pumping and the first time, after pumping for 20 minutes, nothing came out.  The second time I pumped was in the middle of the night and I actually got almost an ounce of colostrum from both breasts.  I was so excited to feel the baby this, but then I accidentally knocked the whole thing over on the floor.  I was devastated.  I cried for a while because I had worked so hard to get that.  They ended up recommending that I supplement with formula to get the baby's weight to go up.  I was seriously upset by this, but knew it was what I had to do to help my baby.  EVERYTHING that I had wanted out of this birth (except for a healthy baby) was just not happening.  We used SNS with the syringe and tube which we stuck in the baby's mouth while he was trying to breastfeed.  He sucked that formula down so fast.  I felt terrible.  My baby had been starving because I could not feed him.  I felt terrible, but was glad that he was getting what he needed.

Besides the feeding fiasco, my PUPPPs rash decided to get worse instead of better and the swelling that I had experienced immediately following the birth was now also 10 times worse.  I didn't want to look at my feet or legs because they were so gross.  The PUPPPs rash had spread to my entire body.  I was itchy and burning at the same time.  It felt like a bad itchy sunburn.  From between my fingers and palms of my hands to now between my toes and the soles of my feet, I was covered from shoulders to toes with a gross blister like rash.  The only place that I did not have it was my face.  Several doctors came by to look at it.  They even called in 2 doctors from a neighboring hospital, who took pictures of me and agreed that this was one of the worst manifestations of the rash that they had ever seen.  They prescribed me a steroid creme and some fenofexadine, but nothing helped.  I cried quite a bit out of desperation   My husband, who is really the best man ever, scrubbed me 2 times a day with Grandpa's Pine Tar Soap and then slathered me with Sarna.  Honestly, the only thing that helped me was the soap.  God bless my husband and God bless Grandpa.

Speaking of my husband, he has taken to being a Dad like second nature.  He quickly became the lead on diaper changes, burping, and swaddling, since I could not do it.  He was also able to use the knowledge that he learned from "The Happiest Baby on the Block", and soothe our fussy little guy.  You never would have been able to tell that, at one point, he did not want to ever have kids.  This man is a natural!

With regards to the swelling, I would tell every nurse/doctor that walked in to look at it because I was convinced that it was not at all normal.  They assured me that it was and told me that it would get worse before it would get better.  I could not even believe that they were correct, but they were.  Edema turned into pitting edema, GROSS.  They told me to walk as much as possible, but I had trouble in between pumping, feeding the baby, eating, and getting checked out by medical staff constantly.  My husband and I would take the baby in his rolly crib and visit the nursery to get "exercise".  Man those babies were tiny compared to my big boy.

As the days went by, I started feeling a little better.  I was able to walk more.  I was able to use the bathroom without assistance.  I was so worried that I would not be able to take a poop, since the doctors told me that it would probably be days after I came home from the hospital and that it would hurt like hell, but to my surprise (and theirs) I went on day 3 and day 4 and it was only minimally uncomfortable!  Thank you Colace!  I think my post c-section diet had a lot to do with this, as well as the amount of water I was consuming.

By the morning of my discharge day, 4 days post c-section, I was feeling a lot better, but was still very swollen and itchy.  It was chilly outside, but I could not squeeze into my U.ggs.  I ended up wearing my showering flip-flops home.  One of the doctors came in and removed my staples before we left.  I was really worried that it would hurt, but it was totally fine.  They put little pieces of tape over the incision and told me that they would fall off with time.  I had a few more checks (as did baby B) and left with several prescriptions including oxycodone, Mortin, Colace, iron, and steroid cream.  I also left with several goodie bag items (haha) including: mesh panties (so hot), huge pads, some castile soap, formula (just in case), and a bunch of other random items.  The doctors told me no driving, no housework, no stairs, and no lifting more than 15 lbs for several weeks.  How realistic is that?  They also told me no getting pregnant for at least a year if not 18 months.  The perks of a c-section just keep on coming.

It was almost a week that I was in the hospital and being outside seemed so weird.  It was just like one big long day to me.  I was ready to start my home recovery and had no idea what to expect.  No books or manuals could have prepared me for all of this.

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I wasn't worried about the c-section surgery, itself.  I was more concerned with what would happen afterwards because I know that the recovery time is much longer than a vaginal birth.  I knew that I could not hold my baby afterwards.  I knew that I would have trouble breastfeeding.  I knew it would take longer for me to get back into shape.  As they wheeled me to the surgery room, I just cried.  I just didn't know what else to do.  More challenges I was not sure how I could deal with.

When I got to the room, I remember the bright lights, just like when I had my D&Cs.  They transferred me from the hospital bed to an operating table that was incredible uncomfortable.  Soon they shot me up with stronger epidural meds so that made the discomfort slightly less.  The had my arms stretched out to the sides of my body on planks and they put up a curtain right in front of my chest.  My husband sat beside me and held my hand.  Several doctors stood behind me and several more behind the curtain.  I am not sure exactly how many doctors were there in the room, but it was at least 5, if not more.  There were also several nurses.  The lead doctor performing the surgery was the doctor who I had the Cytotec run-in with.  Figures, right?

Once the epidural took effect, I started to relax a little.  Things started moving pretty fast.  They explained to me that I would feel some pressure, pulling, and tugging and that this was normal.  I felt all of those things.  Several minutes later, I heard the main operating doctor's tone of voice change from normal to slightly frantic.  Apparently the baby's head really was stuck in my pelvis (hence the pain).  It took one doctor pushing the baby from the bottom (yes from my vag) and another pulling the baby to dislodge him.  They did do the delayed clamping that I had requested and then cut the cord.  The baby then started crying, but it wasn't the robust cry that I had imagined, like waaaaaaaaah, waaaaaaaaaah, waaaaaaaaah.  It was more like a wah......wah......wah.  My husband and I both cried.  He was alive.  This was what I had waited more than 2 years for.  It made everything seem so worth it.  This was our baby.

They took him to clean him off, weigh and measure him, to do the Apgar test, and get his vitals.  He weighed 9 lb, 2 oz and was 21 1/2 inches long.  Quite the big boy.  He scored a 9 on the Apgar.  After they were done with this they brought him over to my husband and my husband brought him over to me.  I gave him a kiss, but it was at this time that I started feeling really bad.  I was shaking pretty uncontrollably and I started feeling really, really drowsy.  They shot my left shoulder with some clotting medicine and it made me really sick to my stomach.  I felt like I was going to throw up, but since my stomach was still out in the open, it was a very disturbing feeling and I never actually threw up.  The doctors started sounding really serious and rushing all around.  The blood pressure cuff on my right arm was going off every minute or 2.  I could see my blood pressure dropping with each check on the monitor screen and this made me seriously anxious.  I started hyperventilating and frantically turning my head from side to side and looking at the screen with my vital signs.  The my blood pressure was lower every time I looked.  They told me to focus on my baby, but I could not.  I was fixated on my dropping blood pressure and I knew something was wrong.  At one point it was 80/50.  I felt like I was going to pass out.  I tried so hard to keep my eyes open, but they kept closing.  I was going in and out.  I was so afraid to close my eyes because I was afraid they wouldn't open again. They ended up giving me oxygen and several more of the sickening clotting shots in various places on my body.

I came to find out that my uterus would not contract after they pulled the baby out and I was bleeding like crazy.  Apparently, due to the fact that I had labored and pushed for so long, my uterus was extremely irritated.  It took them a long time to get things under control.  To me it seemed like an eternity.  Once my organs were put back in and I was stapled together, They declared the surgery a "success" and moved me back to the hospital bed.  They wheeled me back to my room.  I was shaking so badly.  I could not control it.  I wasn't cold, either, it was very odd.  I was quite out of it and kept forgetting why I was there.  I was so doped up on morphine and other meds that I almost forgot about my perfect little miracle baby.

This is when I started the long recovery process.  I had absolutely no idea what I was in for.

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Once the nurse told me that it was time to push, I got really excited.  Since they told me the baby was low and that they could see his head, I assumed that I would not be pushing for long and that I would get to see my little one before the end of the day.  The only bad thing they mentioned was that the baby was most likely "sunny side up", but they assured that they could most likely turn him as he was making his way out of the birth canal.

After the doctor came in and did one final check, I started pushing with the help of my husband and one of the nurses.  The nurse told me to take a deep breath in and then push out for 10 seconds like I was taking a bowel movement.  Taking a deep breath in was so painful that I would hesitate and not get enough air in to push.  The oxygen monitor on my finger kept beeping towards the end of each push because I was not taking in enough air to start the process.

One of the doctors that came in to check told me to imagine pushing my baby up towards the ceiling because the goal was to get him to go under my pelvic bone and then out.  The only thing that I really ended up expelling during the pushing was, well, you know.  At first I was embarrassed, but every time it happened they told me that was a great push so I just sucked it up and continued.  The nurse was discrete and I told my husband not to look.

About an hour into pushing, I started to feel less pain in my rib cage and more pain in my left pelvic area.  The pain hurt really bad when I pushed out.  The pushes that they told me were the most productive were the ones that hurt the most.  I started crying with each contraction because it hurt so bad.  I stopped pushing as productively.  I was so tired and irritated that I was making, what seemed like, no progress.

A little over 2 hours into pushing the doctor that I was not particularly fond of came in to assess the situation.  She did a very painful and long pelvic exam and when she finished, the look on her face said everything.  She told me that, the baby was going well overall, but that his head was starting to swell because he was stuck in my pelvis.  This explained the pain that I was feeling.  She said that they did not want to try the vacuum or forceps due to the risk of shoulder distocia in larger babies.  She said she would recommend a c-section, and sooner rather than later due to the fact that it was now past midnight and my body had been through enough.

I heard this news and I had a complete meltdown.  "Not my plan" and "this is so unfair" were the thoughts that were going through my head.  For some reason I felt the need to tell the nurse and several other doctors who came into the room that I had experienced multiple miscarriages and had a difficult pregnancy so it wasn't fair that this was now happening to me, too.  They were all very nice.  One doctor held my hand.  They tried to tell me that the baby was never going to fit out through my pelvis and that it was nothing that I did or could have done to prevent the situation.  I still felt like such a complete failure.  Why could I not birth my baby?  My mom had big babies.

I saw my husband getting on hospital scrubs while many doctors and nurses filed in about out of my room.  I just cried and cried.  I felt like taking that "birth plan" and ripping it to shreds as they locked my bed into position and started wheeling me to surgery.

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