Decisions

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

After two fairly intense sobbing breakdowns yesterday (one with the psychologist and one with my husband when I got home), I made a few decisions regarding my next cycle.  I am hoping that I can actually stick to this plan because I think it will be good for me (and my husband) in the long run.  I need a break from all of this.

1.  I am not testing until Saturday if AF does not show up, but I expect that she will show up then or possibly before then).  My Wondfos and FRERs will have to sit unused in the closet until a later time.

Not this time old buddies.

2.  I am taking next cycle off.  One thing I know for sure about this off cycle is that it is NOT going to include Femara.  Even though I did refill my last prescription, I am not going to take it.  I don't think another unmonitored cycle is going to do me much good.  I am not sure if my cycle off is going to include temping and opks.  I have not yet decided on that.  I think I will play it by ear, but I will most likely temp at least so I can see how my body reacts to no more estrogen inhibitors.  Can you say late ovulation?

3.  I have an appointment with my RE on 8/24.  I am going to demand a better plan for the future and that plan is going to include monitoring and or more.  No more of this unmonitored Femara bullshit.

4.  I have an appointment with another recurrent loss doctor at a different hospital on 9/10.  I am going to ask for any and all testing that I have not yet received from my RE.  I am also going to state my current diagnosis (bad luck) and see if the new doctor feels differently.

5.  I am going back to running during my "off" cycle.  I will obviously be sucking serious wind, but who cares.  I need some endorphins.

6.  I am going back to yoga.  I was just starting to get really into it and I really miss it.

7.  I will have a glass of wine if I feel like it once or twice a week.  I freaking need it.

8.  I am going to start repeating my positive mantra that I learned last night during our cognitive restructuring exercise at the group therapy session: "I will carry a healthy baby to term".  I'll repeat this to myself when I feel those negative thoughts creeping in. 

All right AF...I dare you to show up.  I have a plan and even you can't wreck it.  So there.

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15 Responses to “Decisions”

  1. One and Done?July 31, 2012 at 10:28 PM

    I'm glad to hear you are taking a break to just enjoy yourself. When I read your comment about not being able to run I thought to myself I just don't know if I could handle it.

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    1. DAugust 1, 2012 at 11:36 AM

      Seriously...I look so forward to running again. I am probably going to need a respirator afterwards though. Haha :)

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  2. Stupid StorkAugust 1, 2012 at 12:08 AM

    Love that mantra.. Totally stealing it.

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  3. UnknownAugust 1, 2012 at 4:42 AM

    I love your plan, I'm sure you can stick to it! I'm also glad you're going back to a couple of the things that bring you happiness. I'd love to hear how number 8 works out for you - I am exactly the opposite type of person (trying to accept the worst case scenario) so I'm really interested in how living with the alternative mindset might be!

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    1. DAugust 1, 2012 at 11:33 AM

      I repeated this to myself on the way to work. It made me feel better. Kind of crazy how just saying something so simple can actually make a difference.

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  4. KAugust 1, 2012 at 8:05 AM

    This is an awesome plan....I am curious to see if your bad luck diagnosis changes!

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  5. MAugust 1, 2012 at 9:41 AM

    Good for you for getting back to running. I stopped running a couple months ago and have missed it! It was such a great stress relief. I really need to start again...maybe after I recover from my laparoscopy I will get back into it!

    Glad to read that you're trying to just live your life...TTC sure can get in the way of that!

    Also, just wanted to say that even though I don't always comment on your blog, I read all the entries...sometimes it's as if I could've written them myself :)

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    1. DAugust 1, 2012 at 11:35 AM

      I know I seriously feel like we have such similar situations! As Stupid Stork would say...Sisters in Shittiness!!

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    2. MAugust 27, 2012 at 4:09 PM

      I hope I'm as lucky as you to get pregnant on Femara within 3 cycles...fingers crossed :)

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  6. SunshineAugust 1, 2012 at 10:30 AM

    In the beginning of this post I softly said "alright this sounds good" By number 6 I was yelling "Yes! YES!!" and by the end I was on my feet pumping my fists in the air. This is a truly wonderful plan. Way to take charge. Enjoy your off cycle and enjoying your life and body.

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    1. SunshineAugust 1, 2012 at 11:29 AM

      PS. I'm still hoping you'll get a diagnosis of good luck with good news on Saturday and then for 9 cycles off due to a perfectly healthy pregnancy.

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    2. DAugust 1, 2012 at 11:32 AM

      Thanks :)

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  7. allmyprettyonesAugust 1, 2012 at 12:40 PM

    Sometimes what we need is a plan. I was totally taken off-guard by my early period this month. Everyone says the key to getting pregnant is to "take your mind off of it". So I didn't even temp after insemination, and had my foster baby to keep me so busy that I hardly thought about it being the 2WW! And it STILL didn't work! ARGH.

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  8. jill's infertility documentAugust 1, 2012 at 4:00 PM

    I like your plan. I especially like #5-7.

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