Blue dye pregnancy tests (are evil)

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Back in my days of trying to conceive, it did not take me long to learn that that blue dye pregnancy tests were never to be trusted.  BabyCenter, Fertility Friend, Pee On A mention a blue test and they will all tell you the same thing.  Blue = BAD.  Whether it was the thickness of the line, the depth of color of the line, or whether or not there was a true plus sign, those things were considered extremely unreliable.  Visit any tweakers board and they will usually have a disclaimer that says that they do not tweak blue dye tests or if you came to them with a blue dye test to tweak, they would tell you to come back with a pink one.
When I was peeing on sticks, regularly, I always preferred FRER (First Response Early Response).  When that habit started to get too expensive, I would buy large quantities of cheapie Wondfos off of Amazon to satisfy my "craving".  Those tests sucked, but the pregnancy tests were pink and thus tweakable and considered more reliable than the blue dye tests.

After my last miscarriage, I regularly tested to see if my HCG levels were back down to 0 so that I could start trying again.  During that time, I made the mistake of purchasing a CVS brand pregnancy test.  I was in a hurry, it was on sale, and yadda, yadda, yadda, it ended up on my bathroom counter.  For the purposes of testing to see that my levels were back at 0, I figured it was ok.  When I took the test at that time, back came a thin blue line, which indicated to me that I still had some pregnancy hormones floating around.  Taking the same test two weeks later showed me a negative.  Case closed.  I still had one test left, though, which I stuck in the back of my closet for a future emergency.

About a week and a half ago, I started feeling a little bit off.  All of a sudden my nipples were incredibly sensitive, I developed a zit on my chin, I was terrible lethargic, and I started feeling crampy.  "You're getting your period!" you might think.  I would have thought that this might have been the case except for that my husband and I had unprotected sex (for the first time since the baby was born) and 2 days later I had some serious EWCM.  I was about 6-7 days out from there so I started to get a little bit suspicious that maybe,  just maybe, I was pregnant.  Oops.

I did what any normal, post-miscarriage surviving mommy to an almost 1 year old would do and dug into the back of my closet for any pregnancy test that I might have.  Poof!  CVS blue dye test, a cup of fresh pee, and an extremely nervous me, secretly holed up in the bathroom.  I checked the expiration date on the box and I will admit that it was just ever so slightly expired (only by 2 months).  I figured that it was better than nothing and I dunked the stick in.  I set it on the counter with a tissue over it like I did back in the old days.

Those five minutes of me sitting on the toilet, waiting for the test to finish, were agonizing.  Was I really ready for another baby if I were pregnant?  Could we afford another child right now?  Why didn't we use a condom?  Was my body ready for another pregnancy?  Where would we put the baby?  Would it be a boy or a girl?  Would I have to cancel my NYC Marathon entry...again?  How would I tell my husband?  Would he be happy?

Ding...ding!  After five of the longest minutes in my whole life, I pulled off the tissue and saw this...

I will admit the line was light, but you see it, right??

Another shot from farther away...

Of course I started panicking and texted the picture to a few close girlfriends who also confirmed that they saw a line and were eager to offer congratulatory remarks.  I was not so quick to accept, though.  This was "unplanned" and I was not even sure that I believed the tests.  They were expired and blue.  Two things that test tweakers would shake there finger at me for doing (and that I would have shaken my head at doing a few years back).

That night, we went out to dinner for my baby's first birthday.  I did not have any alcohol and was super quiet.  Thoughts were racing through my head.  I was supposed to run a 5k race the next morning, but now would have to cancel because I was afraid that I might damage any potential baby, that might be in the early stages of development, by my high racing speeds.

Before I had left for dinner that night, I had posted to a tweakers board asking for advice and they told me what I already and FRER and test with FMU.  Hadn't I learned anything?!  So on the way home from dinner I asked my husband to stop at CVS for contact lens solution and I headed to the family planning aisle to grab a test.  I saw a bizillion new types of First Response tests.  I quickly grabbed one, sheepishly paid for it and the lens solution, and then headed home to bed.

That next morning, first thing, I got up and peed in a cup.  I opened the box and briefly glanced at the instruction leaflet when I noticed that I had not gotten an FRER.  I had gotten an FRRR (Rapid Result), which, up until this point, I didn't even know existed.  It said to test on the first day of your missed period, at the earliest.  I was only at 7-8 DPO at the absolute latest.  What a waste of money!  I decided to pee on it anyways and the results were stark white NEGATIVE.  No tweaking necessary.  I felt a wave of relief even though I had no idea when my missed period might even be since I haven't had one since July of 2012.

Looks like an FRER, but it isn't!

Since taking that FRRR test, I have taken several more negative pink dye pregnancy tests that have all showed up as negatives and I have lost any of the symptoms that I *may* have thought were pregnancy related.  I guess there are four morals to this story:

MORAL #1- Blue dye tests always suck.  False positives are common (Google it, you'll see) with them and this can cause lots of confusion and is a waste of your hard earned money.  Don't buy them.  End of story.

MORAL #2- Slightly expired tests may add to the mess of confusion that exists with blue dye tests.  Throw them out.

MORAL #3- First Response now makes several different types of pregnancy tests, one of which includes the Rapid Result test.  Stupid test.  Who cares if you can find out in 1 minute after peeing on the stick?  I want to know several days before my missed period, assholes.

MORAL #4- I am DEFINITELY not ready for another baby...yet.  

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