Hi ICLW!  Not sure if many are interested in my blog anymore now that I am sort of pregnant, but in case you have also dealt with RPL or loss of any kind you may be in my shoes now or very soon and may be interested in hearing my thoughts.  It is a scary and rather lonely place to be, pregnancy after loss.  You can check out my previous ICLW post to get a handle on the numbers and a look at my timeline to get a little more background on me and my situation.

For this post I figured that I would just do some random thoughts about where I am right now physically, mentally, etc.  This might be a complete mess when I am done with it, but I am not in a particularly organized type of mood this afternoon.  Apologies in advance to anyone reading this!

• I am approximately 6 weeks and 3 days pregnant on my 4th pregnancy in a little over a year.
• I got pregnant for the 4th time on my 3rd Femara cycle with a combination of timed intercourse, OPKs, charting, P.reSeed, M.ucinex, pineapple core (4dpo-8dpo).
• So far I have told some of my immediate family, a few very close IRL friends, and the blogisphere about my pregnancy.  Other than that, no one will find out until I hit 13-14 weeks if I can hide it physically.
• I have minor pregnancy symptoms that include: slightly sore boobs, increased white CM, increased sense of smell (i.e. everything smells gross), intermittent nausea, thirsty, fatigued, multiple trips to the bathroom during the PM, constipation, occasional wacky sex related dreams or dreams in which my sister gets a BFP (she is on birth control and isn't even engaged yet...can you say crazy?) & and a weird itchy rash that started on my inner thighs and is rapidly spreading to my lower legs.  
• I am not craving anything, rather I am uncraving lots of stuff.  Veggies have made it to the top of the list once again.  They were uncraved during my first pregnancy, as well.  I also have very little interest in dairy other than cheddar cheese.  Fish and meat other than chicken doesn't sound that appealing either.
• I have not been exercising much lately.  Other than some shorter walks with my dog (2.5 miles or less), I have not been very active.  Being out of shape is hard for me since I am a runner and avid exerciser.  My husband is too, so seeing him in good shape is tough.  It it means a healthy baby though, I will sit on my ass for the next 8.5 months.
• I did not think that this cycle worked until 14dpo when I tested.  I had no symptoms leading up to my test other than my usual PMS (cramps, irritated, bloated, etc.).  My chart even looked like one of my ovulatory charts.
• I am a serious advocate of charting your BBT and CM in conjunction with using OPKs.  I have converted 2 of my friends to the dark side.  :)
• I am currently scared shitless.  I am always expecting bad news with regards to pregnancy because, until this pregnancy, I have never heard a doctor, nurse, ultrasound tech, etc. utter anything to me that didn't start with the words, "I'm so sorry but..."
• I recently started taking thyroid regulating medication because my TSH is slightly elevated and it is making my hair fall out.
• I am afraid to plan anything in the next few weeks because I am approaching the time that I usually miscarry.
• I have been attending a mind/body infertility group and have not told anyone in the group that I am pregnant other than the group leader/psychologist.  I was the only one in the group NOT doing IVF or IUI.
• Please don't judge me.  I am still jealous of all pregnant women.  I saw a pregnant lady on the train today and I had my usual pangs of jealousy.  Why?  You might ask?  Irrational thoughts: She is a happy pregnant person.  She got pregnant easily and has had an easy pregnancy.  She has never had a miscarriage.  She is more pregnant than I am.  She is going to give birth in a few months/weeks and I am not sure if I am/will.
• I have my "make it or break it" ultrasound on Friday.  I will be just shy of 7 weeks.  I have never had an ultrasound where I have seen the healthy beating heart of a little one.  All of the heartbeats that I have seen have been slow with babies that measured behind.  I feel like if I can see a healthy heartbeat on Friday, I will feel a weight being lifted since I have never had that happen before.

So I realize that I am slightly late to the party this month!  I have lots of catch-up blog reading and catch-up commenting to do today.  This is my second ICLW, but last month I did not really give a proper introduction,so I figured that I would do that this month.  I see lots of ICLW related posts where people give their "numbers".  I am not really sure where this started from, but I figured that it might be a good way to introduce myself (regarding infertility & RPL), so here goes...

1  I have had one chemical pregnancy.  This was back in December of 2011.

2  This represents the number of D&Cs that I have had.  The first one I had was back in September of 2011 and the second one was in March of 2012. 

3  I have had 3 total miscarriages in less than a year.  One was a missed miscarriage in at my 10 week ultrasound.  The baby only measured 8.5 weeks.  The second was the chemical.  The third was a miscarriage at 6 weeks.

4  Number of serious infertility related meltdowns that I have had.

7  I am the oldest of 7 children.  Yes, my mother was a very fertile woman.

8  Our last loss was confirmed as isochromosome 8, a random chromosomal abnormality since my husband and I have both been tested as genetically normal.

10  Years that I was on birth control.

12  Months that we have spent TTC.

20  Pregnancy tests used.  Mostly FRERs and Wondfos.

31  That's how old both my husband and I are right now.

42  Age that my mom gave birth to her last child.

66  Number of blog posts (including this one)  that I have written @ My Life is About the Journey.

101  Approximate number of ovulation tests taken...I used to have long cycles before I went on meds so I would go through almost a full 20 pack a cycle.  I use mostly Clearblue Digitals and Wondfos.

Yuck these numbers are so depressing!  I am hoping to be able to turn it around and provide some happier numbers very shortly.  Thanks to all the newbies who have stopped by and thanks to all my regular bloggie friends for being so wonderful.  Until a few months ago, I never even knew that this community existed, but I am so happy that I found it.  :-)