Archive for July 2014

Why my baby isn't ready for the toddler room...yet (a follow-up)

Thursday, July 31, 2014

My husband and I have been communicating regularly with the daycare and we came to the conclusion earlier in the week that we would try him in the toddler room for a few hours to see what happened.  They agreed that his walking, talking, eating/drinking, napping was definitely up to the toddler level, but they wanted to see how he would do interaction-wise.

As it turns out, he did have one issue while in the toddler room, and it was something that I hadn't really thought about before related to independent play and interactive play with other children.  Three months after his birth, my sister started watching him regularly.  He did go to music class once a week and had a few play-dates here and there, but he was largely given 100% attention by an adult during all of his waking hours.  Someone was always playing with him and attending to his every need.  All.  The.  Time.  Even now, the days that he is not currently in daycare, he has either my MIL, my husband, or me to entertain him.  Oh and is he a needy baby.  He loves attention.  

Enter B into the world of the toddler room at daycare.  He was seeking out adults as playmates instead of the other kids and he was seeking them out to entertain him.  Why wouldn't he, I guess?  He is used to adults playing with him all the time and catering to his every need.  Uh oh.  Mommy, Daddy, and company may have created a monster over here!

Anyways, the daycare team thinks that B needs a few more transitional weeks/months to get him used to playing with other kids and learning how to entertain himself a bit more.  It makes sense and I am totally ok with that.  We also found out that a few of the kids who aren't walking are NOT going to be moving over yet, which also made me feel better.  They said that there is no reason why he can't switch rooms in October or November (or even September if we think he is ready).  They said they are always going to strive to do what is best for the child.  I appreciate this type of approach so much, as would any other parent, I'm sure.  I was so relieved to hear this!!

So for now, B is staying in with the "infants" and Mommy and Daddy are going to work on incorporating more time with other kids around his age and trying to encourage him to play alone sometimes...without Mommy and Daddy as constant entertainment.  Hopefully, sometime soon, he'll develop a little more in this area.

Does anyone else have a toddler who likes constant adult entertainment (and no, I don't mean the porn kind, haha!)?  Any advice from BTDT mommies/daddies?

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Daycare debacle

Monday, July 28, 2014

Up until now, the transition from family care to daycare has been rather seamless.  Even though we had a few unexpected scheduling bumps in the beginning, we have settled into a routine at this point.  My MIL takes B on Mon/Tues and he goes to daycare Wed-Fri.  Starting in September, he will be going to daycare full-time.  At first, I was worried about how we would be able to handle the shift to full-time, but the gradual introduction to the world of daycare has actual made me much less worried.

So far, we LOVE the daycare we have chosen.  The teachers are great and very loving and caring with the children.  The facility itself is nice and seems more like a school than a childcare center.  They have a great outdoor space to use when the weather is nice.  Basically it is the most perfect childcare scenario that I could have imagined us in, with the exception of the high cost, but you get what you pay for.  The care of my child is NOT something that I am willing to be cheap on.

Yesterday, I received an email from daycare with some updates.  This is a usual weekly occurrence and something that I look forward to because they always add in pictures of the kids.  This particular email contained a message about the "new school year", which starts in September.  Apparently 3 kids are moving from the infant room to the toddler room, but not B.  As soon as I read this, my heart started racing.  B is 15 months and definitely nearing the end of "infancy".  Why isn't he moving up to the toddler room with the other kids?  I got especially concerned when I saw that one of the kids being moved up is over a full month younger than him and one more of those kids (2 weeks older than him) just started walking.  I could feel myself getting more and more upset as I read through the email.

B can walk (and has actually started running), he can can eat on his own, he drinks out of a cup, he mimics everything, he naps regularly every day, he has (if I had to do a quick guess) at least 30 words in his vocabulary, and understands even more than he can say, such as sit down, pet the dog, take a bite/drink, etc.  He does still take his pacifier at naps and when he is upset/tired.  He is still breastfeeding about 4 times a day.  He also tends to throw his food on the floor when he is done, in addition to using the sign and saying up, but I mean he is 15 months, not 2.

Anyways, in the heat of the moment, I wrote back a quick email to the director, whole I will call "Vanessa":

Hi Vanessa-
I know we spoke briefly about it a few weeks back, but I'm not sure if we ever came to a conclusion on how we were going to handle B's schedule in the fall.  I am fine with keeping him with the infants a little longer, but I think keeping him in that room until next summer might be too long, right?  How might that work?  Would a mid-year shift to the toddler room be possible?  Also, you were going to check to make sure he could transition to 5 days.  Hopefully that is still ok.  If it not, please let us know ASAP so we can make other arrangements.

I didn't want to be that annoying mother, but I also don't want my child to be held back for unspecified reasons when it could hurt his development.  If there is something that he is behind on, skills wise, then I'd like to know so that we can work with him on it.  Also, it concerns me that all of his buddies are leaving him and that he is going to be the oldest child in the room by 4-5 months or so.  He isn't going to get any stimulation and I am sure that there are going to be lots of new babies starting, which will require the closer care of the teachers.  I honestly would not mind that he was going to be staying in the infant room longer, if there were going to be some other kids around his same age.

"Vanessa" emailed me back promptly on Monday morning:

5 days is perfect in the infant room.  Amanda feels B should start the year in the Infant room, but we can certainly revisit that after a few months.  How do you feel about that?

Hmmmm, ok.  I am not sure if I am being super sensitive here, but the lack of specifics makes me question the reasoning.  If they don't have enough space, then ok, I get that, but please explain to me why a 14 month old is getting moved up and a child who just learned to walk is also getting moved up.  What do I need to work on with B so that he will be ready to move up?  There is no way that he can stay in the infant room until the end of the school year in June.  He will be 26 months.

So this is where I am, currently.  I forwarded the email to my husband and have decided to let him take a stab at dealing with the situation.  Too often, I handle these situations, and this time, I am going to let him take the wheel.  My husband is a very good negotiator and can deal with these types of situations more objectively and with less emotion than me.  He mentioned setting up a meeting to talk in person, which I think is probably a good idea.

Does anyone have any advice for us?  Do you think I am being the crazy helicopter parent?  I know that there is a difference between being an advocate for your child and being overbearing and obnoxious.  I definitely don't want to be the latter.  I have also heard of kids getting treated poorly when their parents complain.  I know that is completely unethical, and I am not saying that will happen at our center, but it could happen.  I don't want my poor, innocent child paying for my mistakes.  What would you do?

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Seven hundred and forty nine days...

Thursday, July 24, 2014

...and it seems like she never left.  Good old Auntie Flo has returned just a short two years and 19 days after she said goodbye.  Just 7 days after getting a positive opk, which leads to a whole separate blog post, I'm sure, and while still breastfeeding about 4-6 times a day.  Oh how I haven't missed buying boxes of tampons and overnight pads.  The cramps and the bloating.  The mood swings and lack of patience.  The start of a fresh new Fertility Friend chart and the wonder if my body and its respective reproductive parts are working correctly.  Ahhhh the good old times.

 I somewhat begrudgingly told my husband about the return of my period and his response was:
"Well it's better than the alternative."

Me:
"You mean better than me going more days without it?  It has been kind of nice not having a period for 2 years."

Him:
"No.  Better than if you were pregnant."

Me:
"Oh yeah, I guess."

Me (thinking to myself):
"Tell me how you really feel."

Pretty much every memory of getting pregnant, being pregnant, and having my baby were terrible, BUT the result was simply amazing.  My little boy has gone from a little ball of cells on an ultrasound screen to an amazingly curious, fun, loving, and smart 15 month old boy.  Even with everything that I have been through, and knowing everything that I know now, I would not change anything because I have my baby B.  This is precisely why I can't just shut the door on having another child...someday.

My husband and I were walking this past weekend and somehow the subject of another child came up and he was quite clear about the fact that he is good with one child.  Right now, I feel the same way.  I am in no rush to have another due to finances, our schedules, my body issues (that I am dealing with in counseling), money, etc.  If circumstances were to change, however, I might be willing to reconsider.  My husband feels that B is super challenging (which he is, to some extent, but I think that most babies are challenging) and that we wouldn't be able to handle another.  Yes, I don't think we could right now.  Next year?  The year after?  Maybe?  So much can change in 2 years...case and point...a little over 2 years ago I was sitting here wondering if I would ever be able to have a child.  Now I have one and I love the living daylights out of him.  I can't imagine life any other way.  Who knows what the next few years will bring us?  I think I just want to let things ride and see where we end up. 

Time is such a very wondrous thing.  Happy Thursday and Happy AF Day...to me. 

My love

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The return of fertility?

Friday, July 18, 2014

The reason that I started this blog was because of fertility (or lack of fertility) reasons and lately I have not been focusing any of my writing on this subject.  My early posts are pretty much all about pee sticks, CM, temping, charting, etc.  These days I am more concerned with preventing pregnancy that trying to get pregnant, but I have ZERO interest in ever taking hormonal birth control ever again.  I learned a lot with regards to natural fertility signs when we were trying to get pregnant, so I am going to hope that I can stick with that method of birth control until we decide with 100% certainty that there will never be another child.  I just can't close the door...and lock it...yet.

I am still breastfeeding quite a bit, even now that B has hit the 15 month mark (today) and more so the past few days since he has been sick with an ear infection.  He normally nurses before I leave for work, as soon as I get home from work, before bed, and occasionally once in the middle of the night.  I am also still pumping once a day at work and he gets a sippy with milk at that time.  This seems to have continued to suppress my fertility since I still have not gotten my first postpartum period yet.  Every couple of weeks I seem to have a patch of EWCM (but negative OPK) followed by some cramping a few weeks after that and the feeling that I am going to get my period, but not getting it (and having negative HPT).

This past week has seen the return of my normal pre-baby CM levels, which for me is a lot.  A couple of days of watery followed by a TON of EWCM.  Yesterday I was curious as to whether or not I might actually be ovulating, so I took a Wondfo and a Clearblue Digi test and this is what I got...

Ovulating again??

I know it is possible to get a positive OPK and not ovulate, but with all of the fertile CM, too?  I'm not sure.  Googling found me some forum posts about nursing moms having this happen before an actual return of fertility.  You get fertile CM, a positive OPK, maybe some cramping, but no actual ovulation.  I guess your body can gear up to ovulate again many times before you actually do, while breastfeeding or in the months after having a baby.  Who knew?  

Either way, I think it is best that my husband and I are careful from here on out.  Getting pregnant right now (if it were possible) wouldn't be something that we would be able to handle right now, for many different reasons.  We did DTD last Sunday and didn't use protection per-say, other than the very unscientific pull-and-pray method, which I know is not very effective on its own.  We'll see what happens in the next few weeks.  I am really hoping that we didn't screw up and bank on the nursing/PNP form of birth control when we should have been using condoms.  

Anyone else using nursing/PNP as birth control?  Anyone else nursing past 12 months out there that still hasn't gotten a PPAF?

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Body Image survey results

Friday, July 11, 2014

The results from the body image survey that I posted a few weeks back are below.  Apologies for the poor formatting.  Before I have B, I would have put this in a sleek PowerPoint presentation.  These days, I am lucky to get the results out at all!

I have comments on the results, which I am not going to post here, but in a different post.  I also have updates to my "CrossFit causing relationship issues saga" which I will also post about separately.

Post-baby Body Image Survey Results
Thanks to everyone who took the survey!  



TRUE
FALSE





1) I was happy with my pre-baby body.
58%
42%














TRUE
FALSE





2) I am happy with my post-baby body.
26%
74%














My stomach area
 My  butt/  thigh  area
My breasts
My hair
My weight, in general
Nothing!
 Other
3) The thing that bothers me the most about my post-baby body is:
69%
5%
5%
5%
5%
0%
11%









TRUE
FALSE





4) I spend several hours a week thinking or obsessing over how my post-baby body looks.
  42%
58%














TRUE
FALSE





5) I don't feel as sexy/desirable as I did pre-baby.
79%
21%














TRUE
FALSE





6) I think I am more critical of how I look than others are of the way that I look.
95%
5%














TRUE
FALSE





7) I think that Hollywood's portrayal of how a woman should look shortly after birth is unrealistic.
100%
0%














Exercise
Eat healthy
See a therapist
Wear concealing clothing
Plastic/ cosmetic surgery
Physical therapy/ personal trainer

8) In order to feel better about my appearance I do (or have done) the following (select all that apply):
33%
33%
2%
25%
2%
5%










Yes, this is the main reason
No, this has no bearing on my decision
I am hesitant to become pregnant again, but not for this reason
This is one    of the reasons why I am hesitant to become pregnant again
I am not at all hesitant about trying to become pregnant again


9) I am hesitant to try to become pregnant again because of the physical consequences.
11%
37%
21%
26%
5%











TRUE
FALSE





10) I am jealous of other women's bodies.
89%
11%














< 20
20-25
25-30
30-35
35-40
> 40

11) How old are you?
0%
0%
11%
68%
21%
0%










One
Two
Three
Four
5 or more


12) How many kids do you have?
53%
32%
5%
10%
0%











Yes
No





13) Are you married?
100%
0%














< 3 months ago
3-6 months ago
7-12 months ago
13-24 months ago
> 24 months ago


14) When was your most recent birth experience?
5%
5%
48%
42%
0%


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Dealing with Coxsackie - aka 'Hand/Foot/Mouth Disease'

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

My little one started daycare less than a month ago and he has already had the disease that I heard all of my mommy friends lamenting over in years past.  Literally the week after he started going to daycare three times a week, I received an email from the director telling me that HFMD had struck the preschool and that there was nothing that they could really do to contain the disease at this point because it is contagious before the classic sores appear on the hand, feet, and mouth.  Ugh, I thought to myself, as I imagined barnyard animals running around in mud with red spots on their snouts and hoofs (actually not even the same disease, but it is what I associated with it...haha).  Gross.

I was at work when I received the email, so I immediately did some research on what I was potentially in for.  Fever, sore throat, loss of appetite, general malaise, and of course, the rash on the hand/feet/mouth.  That Wednesday evening, little B came home with a note about how the Coxsackie virus was spreading like wildfire through the center.  LOVELY!

The next weekend, my husband and I were scheduled to take a trip to Bermuda for my birthday.  It was just a quick weekend getaway, without the baby, who would be staying at our house with my MIL.  I had gotten an email from the daycare the day that we left, telling me that they thought that the outbreak was over.  Hooray!  I thought that we had escaped unscathed.  The mighty powers of breast milk, I thought to myself.  Hehe...riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.  If only it really was a panacea!    

Our trip was short, but great.  It was just what the two of us needed to reconnect.  We missed the baby, terribly though.  Especially when we saw young families with babies that were about his same age.  We vowed that our next trip to Bermuda would include our third family member.

Ahhhhh

Back to reality on Sunday evening, it seemed as though the baby was out of sorts.  He was fussy, drooling so profusely that his shirt was soaked, and he wasn't really eating his dinner.  Pretty much all he wanted to do was nurse.  I chalked that up to teething, him missing me, and wanting to catch up.  He did start to feel warm in the evening and a temperature check revealed a low-grade fever of around 100.  We gave him some infant's Tylenol to help make him more comfortable.  That night he slept 9.5 hours straight.    

Monday morning he was with my MIL and it was much of the same from Sunday night.  His fever started rising (up to 102.2) and he started developing, what looked like, a heat rash all over his chest and back.  It started out with no color and just rough and then progressed to a reddish color.  I Googled (naturally) and it looked like scarlet fever.  I started to get worried as I remembered the Velveteen Rabbit from when I was little.  My MIL quickly put my fears at ease when she told me that babies don't usually get that disease.

By Tuesday, the rash had spread to his arms and his fever was about the same.  He was pretty miserable.  I tried to get him to bed early that night.  He fell asleep around 6:15 PM without nursing much.  What happened next, was truly the worst part of the disease (which we didn't even know that he had at this point because he had no rash on his hand/feet/mouth).  He woke up around 9 PM and vomited in his bed.  This scared him, and probably hurt too, and so he started crying pretty hysterically.  I rocked him and attempted to nurse him, but he kept writhing in pain and wanted nothing to do with mommy's milk (probably because his throat hurt).  I finally gave him some infant's Tylenol and got him back to sleep.  He then started waking up about every 20-30 minutes screaming in pain.  I tried letting him lay in my bed, I tried rocking him, we brought him down stairs...nothing worked to help him stop crying in pain.  He was so miserable.  This went on ALL NIGHT.  Around 3 AM, we decided that we were going to take him to the emergency room because he was such a mess.  We had never seen him in so much pain in his entire life.  I got dressed and I sat and rocked him while my husband got dressed.  Finally, at this point, he fell asleep.  We decided to give him one last try.  He ended up finally sleeping from about 3:30-5:30 AM.

The next morning, Wednesday, I called the doctor as soon as they opened to make an appointment, even though his fever had gone down.  I called B out of daycare and explained the symptoms to the director.  She told me to call her back as soon as we got a diagnosis and wished him well.   My husband took the baby because I had to work.  A half hour after they left, I got a text I was not expecting: "HFM".  What?!  I was shocked and confused.  He didn't even have a rash on his hands/feet/mouth.  Fancy that.

I called back the daycare and director said she thought that was what he might have had based on what I told her when I called the first time.  So much for the eradication of the disease!

Where the rash was the worst...not on his hands/feet/mouth

I stayed home with B for the rest of Wednesday and Thursday.  During that time his condition improved immensely, but his rash finally spread to around his mouth and a little to the sides of his feet.  He no longer had a fever as of Wednesday afternoon and he started nursing again that evening.  I sent him to daycare on Friday for part of the day and he did ok, except that he still didn't have much of an appetite.  

Finally last weekend, he was 100% back to normal, with the exception of scabs all over his arms, which did not seem to bother him.  He ate enough on Saturday and Sunday to make up for all of the food that he did not eat in the previous week.  Seriously, I have never seen this kid eat so much.  I let him eat whatever and as much as he wanted (granted he is a gluten free, mostly paleo baby so it was all healthy!).  He also had a blast running around outside and playing with the dog.  Yay!  My baby was back!!

So I guess the worst is over.  The totally sucky thing that I found out in my brief research of the disease is that it is not like chicken pox where you have it once and then you are immune.  You can get Coxsackie more than once.  Fabulous!  I hope that he does not get it again.  I hope that we don't get it.  I hope that you and your babies don't get it either.  It sucks.

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