**FYI - Non TTC or pregnancy related post.  I am very vague about the characters to protect the innocent and the VERY guilty.**

You may or may not remember this post, The grass is always greener, from a few months ago.  In that post, I wrote about one of my very good friends at work who had just found out that their spouse had been cheating on them.  Since the time that my friend broke me the news, I have been there for them, listening to weekly (or sometimes, daily) breakdowns and trying to give support when and where I can. 

My friend's spouse is a a whole mess of obscene names that I don't want to spill onto this blog at 8 AM in the morning.  This person decided that marriage to my friend didn't mean anything anymore so they decided to go on a website called A.shley M.adison (this is an evil site where married people go to find sexual flings with other married people) and find a random married person to have sex with while my friend was as home with their three adorable kids (all under the age of 8).  After the first rendezvous, this person decided that wasn't enough and went to look for another random married person to have sex with, but then got caught by my friend before the "deal could be sealed". 

Even after knowing all of this information, and after my friend's spouse made no attempt to apologize, my friend wanted to try to make the marriage work.  My friend and their spouse started couples counseling and both my friend and their spouse started individual therapy, even though the spouse decided that was too much for them so they stopped going.  My friend has also started seeing a psychiatrist even though the spouse refers to themselves as 2 different people (the one from before/during the cheating and the one now) and refuses to take any accountability for ruining their marriage and my friend's life.

This past week brought about some sad news from my friend whom I have seen change over that past 4 1/2 months.  After months of trying to deal with the pain of infidelity alone, my friend decided to go to the doctor to see if an anti-depressant might help.  The doctor prescribed Prozac and told my friend to visit again in 6 months.  My friend decided that was too long and made the appointment for a month into the future. 

My friend started taking the Prozac on a Thursday and by Monday of the next week started getting suicidal thoughts.  That Monday, my friend said that they started feeling at peace with dying and that they were ready to end it.  My friend started getting panicky and didn't know whether they should call a suicide help line or if they should wake up their sleeping spouse.  Instead my friend walked around the house and peaked in at one of their sleeping children looking so peaceful.  My friend curled up in bed with their sleeping child and was able to get some sleep.

After the suicidal thoughts incident, my friend decided that they wanted to take some time away from work.  I got an email from them yesterday saying that they are taking an indefinite leave of absence to sort through things.   I personally don't feel like this is the best idea, but since this is my good friend I am going to support them in their decision. I told them to call me anytime day or night if they need someone to talk to.  I offered my unconditional support.

Last night I had a terrible dream that I came in to work and saw that my friend's desk had been cleaned out and found out that they decided not to come back and not tell us where they were going.  In my dream I was sobbing so hard I woke myself up (I usually only sob in a dream upon finding out my sister is pregnant).  I feel so bad that this person is feeling so lost and low because of what their spouse did to them.  A once lively, funny, kind-hearted, life-of-the-party, kind of person has been reduced to this.  This morning, my friend's desk is empty.

I have often thought about how I would react if I found out that my husband was cheating on me.  My husband and I have actually talked about it before and we both believe that would be a deal breaker.  Game over.  I guess you can never really say what you would do unless it really happened to you (which I hope to God it never will), but I am fairly confident that for me would cause the marriage to be null and void since one of the basic principles of marriage is fidelity.

What would you all do in this type of a situation?  Would you stay and try to work it out with your spouse or would you tell them to hit the road? 

I feel like I have spent the last year of my life wishing I had a baby.  Looking longingly at young families and wishing that I had what they had.  I have hoped for it and prayed for it.  Meanwhile, around me, there seems to be a great baby-boom going on.  I have heard other friends excited pregnancy announcements and then attended their baby showers.  I have gotten their birth announcement cards and visited them while they were on maternity leave.  I have picked out little outfits and fun toys for baby's first birthday party.  The jealousy is strong, but I try not to let it get the best of me.  I put on a happy face even though I am so sad inside.  I want nothing more than to have a child.  I know that my husband and I will be great parents.

One of my dear friends recently told me that their spouse had been unfaithful.  I was shocked and saddened to learn that after over 10 years of marriage, one had decided that they were not completely fulfilled with the other and found someone outside of the relationship to supplement.  Besides my friend feeling the grief, anger, and sadness about the situation, they have several small children in the mix.  When asked for the reason for the infidelity, the unfaithful spouse replied that they wished that they were young, unattached, and childless.  They were tired of being a spouse and parent.  This is after the couple did not have the most smooth road before and during pregnancy.  After the infidelity took place, the unfaithful spouse decided that it (infidelity) wasn't everything it was cracked up to be and stopped.  They are going to try couples counseling, but it is undetermined whether they will be able to repair the damage that was done. 

Hearing my friend's story made me so sad.  My heart hurts.  Could it be that we only want what we don't have?  Why is it that things that we don't have are so much more appealing than the things we do have?  We spend so much of our time wishing it away...a bigger house, a nice vacation, more money, a better job, more fun...  Are we ever really content with what we have right now?

I am totally guilty of this.  I have been wishing my days, weeks, months away, trying to have a baby.  It is all I have thought about for the past year.  Maybe I need to take a step back and look at the things that I do have.  I have a wonderful husband who loves me.  We have so much fun together and there is no one else I would rather spend my time with.  I have a loving family that I am so grateful for.  They listen when I need to talk and never judge me for the choices that I make.  I have great friends who I have fun with but can also vent and cry to when I am feeling low.  My job isn't perfect, but it is stable and pays the bills.  I can even say, that once in a while, I actually enjoy what I am doing.  :-)  I have a nice house in a safe neighborhood and cute and cuddly pets.  I am healthy. 

The moral of the story is, the grass is always greener on the other side.  Sometimes you don't have to look over the fence to see what your neighbor has and can look to what you have and see the fulfillment in that.  My husband and I really want to start a family, but right now we are just happy together.  I think there is real beauty in that...being happy with what you have right now.