For some reason I have been having weird pregnancy related dreams, or what I might equate to personal nightmares.  I have had 2 similar dreams in the past week.  In my first dream, I dreamt that my sister-in-law found out that she was pregnant by my sister's boyfriend.  The crazier thing is that my SIL is engaged!  In the dream, my husband was forcing me to write a letter to her telling her how happy I was for her.  I clearly remember writing the words in cursive on a decorative piece of paper.  The problem was that I was not happy for her at all.  I was so angry and jealous.  I didn't even seem bothered by the fact that she was pregnant by my sister's boyfriend, I was more angry at the fact that she was pregnant.  I would love to know what that one means.

Two nights later, I had a dream where my other sister announced that she was unexpectedly pregnant.  In that dream all I remember is being so upset.  In my dream I was sobbing so hard that I woke myself up gasping for breath.  I seem to have developed some deep seeded fear of others around me (mainly in my immediate family) getting pregnant.  It is like I am so worried that this is going to happen that I make myself dream about it so that I will have to deal with it.  This may be yet another sign that I should sign up for that program.

Unrelated item... I just finished my 5 days of Femara and am now on cd 10.  I think I'll start using opks again tomorrow even though I no I am not close to ovulating yet.  CM is always an indicator for me that I am close.  The waxing site has almost healed so it is time to get back in action.  Am I ready for this again?!

Totally unrelated to everything...  I went to see my favorite band, Keane, the other night and my husband and I were so lucky to be almost touching the stage.  The lead singer, Tom Chaplin, was amazing as usual.  Man that guy has a set of pipes.  One of the best songs of the night was a new song off their album called "Starting Line".  I think I have mentioned before that their latest album is so relevant to my life right now and this song is no exception.  Well when Tom was singing these couple of lines from this song, he was seriously looking right at me.  It was just the coolest feeling.

Thank you, Femara!  Fertility Friend officially gave me cross-hairs this morning.  I was worried that my disturbed sleep right around O (due to the nightly wildlife activity in my backyard) might have made things difficult to calculate, but I don't even have a dotted line!  FF thinks that I ovulated on cd 17, which is the same day that I had a positive opk.  Normally, I get a positive opk and then O 1-3 days later, so this is also a change from the usual. 

I am actually feeling very good about this cycle.  Not that I will get pregnant, but that my body actually behaved.  I am on track to have a 30-32 day cycle, which is in the realm of normal.  To me, that is amazing!  I am so happy that next month we can "go for it again".  I have a good feeling about the future and I have not felt that since before my first miscarriage. 

FF actually gave me a "good" chance of pregnancy this month with my 1 day slip-up(s).  Knowing that, I have decided that I am not going to do anything differently then I am already doing.  I am not going to take progesterone.  I am not going to stop exercising.  I am going to make a conscious decision NOT to get anxious.  I know that my last loss was a chromosomal abnormality and I am fairly confident that my first loss was the same.  The chemical...I am not sure.  I don't think that me doing anything differently is going to help or hinder me. 

So now I am back to the waiting game and the TWW.  So far no symptoms of any kind, but I am only 3 dpo, so I wouldn't really expect any yet.  FF says my test date is June 3.  Since that is a Sunday, I am going to get blood drawn on June 4.  I can't say that I won't POAS before then, but officially I will know what my deal is then.  I already have another 5 pills of Femara waiting in the wings.  It would be nice to not need them, but if my cycles are going to be around 30 days, I am totally fine with it.  Hoping the next 10 days by go fast!

I will leave you with a song from my favorite music group of all time, Keane.  Their most recent album is amazingly incredible.  I would suggest that you check it out if you have not already.  Oh and buy the deluxe edition.  Most of the songs are so relevant to my life right now, which is probably why I love it so much.