Archive for April 2012

What are the odds?

Monday, April 30, 2012

I talked with the geneticist today and as expected, she told me that there was no need for my husband and I to have genetic counseling.  She said the the odds of this happening again are extremely low, which she said was good news.  I told her about my first miscarriage and how I thought it was also a chromosomal problem.  She told me that I would be surprised how many recurrent chromosomal related pregnancy losses that she sees.  I asked her if she knew of any possible causes and she said this...at my age, bad luck.  She said sometimes the proverbial lightening strikes once, twice, even three times.  Wow, that really didn't make me feel better.

After talking to her I got thinking about getting stuck by lightening once or twice.  My mind then wandered to some other statistics and odds.

The odds that you'll get hit by lightening once are 1 in 576,000.
The odds that you'll get hit by lightening twice are 1 in 9,000,000.
The odds of becoming a pro athlete are 1 in 22,000.
The odds of winning the record lottery jackpot are 1 in 176,000,000.
The odds of getting hit by a bus and dying are 1 in 3,431.

Now on to some pregnancy related odds (Don't quote me on these because I did a lot of the math myself, but I did make it to AP Calculus)...

The odds of getting pregnant 1 out of 4 chance each month.
The odds of having twins are 3 out of 100 pregnancies (naturally).
The offs of having triplets are 1 out of 8,100 pregnancies (naturally).
The odds of having a miscarriage are 3 out of 20 pregnancies (not taking into account previous losses).
The odds of having 3 miscarriages in a row is 1 out of 200 pregnancies.
The odds of having RPL due to de novo (not parent related) chromosomal abnormalities are 1 out of 400 people who have repeatedly lost pregnancies.

I am not a math whiz, but those odds seems pretty tiny to me.  Maybe we should start playing the lottery?

share this on »
{Facebook}
{Twitter}
{Pinterest}
Add a comment »

CoenzymeQ10

Sunday, April 29, 2012

I can remember a few months back, looking on BBC or the Bump and reading about women taking all sorts of weird vitamins and supplements to try to become pregnant.  I used to really wonder how that could help.  Recently I read, Making Babies: A Proven 3-Month Program For Maximum Fertility, by Sami S. David and Jill Blakeway.  They put heavy stock into vitamins and supplements for their patients and have proven successful in treating women with fertility and miscarriage issues.

One particular supplement that intrigued me was CoenzymeQ.  Apparently CoQ10, as it is also called, is an antioxidant that is used by all cells in the body to produce energy.  It has been shown to improve blood-flow and help prevent heart disease.  Unfortunately it isn't in great supply in the food that we normally consume, so getting it into our bodies has to come from a supplement.

In women, CoQ10 has been shown to increase blood-flow to the pelvic area.  There has also been research done to show that it may help prevent miscarriage by increasing egg quality.  In men, CoQ10 has been proven to increase sperm count and motility.

I decided that after reading this in the book, Making Babies, and reading about it all over the Internet on various fertility forums that I too am adding it to my daily vitamin/supplement cocktail.  The book suggests to take a daily dosage of between 30-100mg a day.  I have read various women write about taking upwards of 600mg a day.  The bottle that I purchased from the grocery store recommends 100mg, twice daily (for heart health).  I think I am going to stick with the book's recommendation for now and take 100mg a day, since I know that guy is a legitimate doctor and has had much success with getting women to become pregnant and stay pregnant.

I am not sure that egg quality is my problem as I really have no idea what my problem is, but I figure that it can't hurt.  On a side note, I would recommend that any women looking to get pregnant, having trouble getting pregnant, or having trouble staying pregnant read this book.  It has provided me with a great wealth of info.  Happy reading!

All information regarding CoQ10 came from Making Babies: A Proven 3-Month Program For Maximum Fertility, by Sami S. David and Jill Blakeway.


share this on »
{Facebook}
{Twitter}
{Pinterest}
Add a comment »

Six years later

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Dear Dad,

I can't believe that it has been six years since you left this world.  I never thought that the last time that I would see you would be at the airport as you saw me off on my flight back home.  I never thought that would be my last hug from you.  I never thought that the email that you sent me with pictures from C's play would be my last email from you.  I sadly, don't remember my last phone conversation with you.

I think that you you would be proud of your family.  We are all doing well, but still feel a missing presence at each holiday and special occasion.  I miss talking to you about work and how much it frustrated me.  I miss your dry and sarcastic humor.  I miss talking computers.  I miss your black jeans and Carolina Panthers sweatshirt.

You would be interested to know that Bill Belichick now coaches the Patriots and the Browns still suck.  There are now computers that have touch screens called iPads.  I also have a Mac instead of a PC.  :-o  Windows 7 is finally out and I am using it at work.  Rush Limbaugh has gotten himself into a heap of trouble by spouting his mouth off.  Howard Stern still does his show, but it is on Sirius radio and he only works 3 days a week.  We have a Democrat as president again, and yes, I voted for him.

In each year that passes since you went away, I have missed sharing events in my life with you.  When I finally got a new job making a decent salary, I didn't have you there to pat me on the back.  When I got engaged after many years of dating, mom was the first person I called, but it was sad not being able to tell you too.  When R and I bought out first house, you weren't there to see it.  When I got married, you were not there to walk me down the isle.  When I lost three babies, you were not there to comfort me and help me through the pain.

I know that you were not a religious person, and frankly, I can't say that I am much of a believer these days, either.  I do hope that your are in a better place though.  I imagine that you are in Heaven (or somewhere like it) attending to my little angels.  Thank you for taking care of them for me since I cannot.

One last thing...at your funeral, six years ago.  I took a plant with me that had one white flower.  I vowed, that even though I have a black thumb, that I would keep it alive.  I have kept my word and the plant is doing so well.  Right now it has 3 flowers on it.  Every time I look at it, I think about you.



I love you and miss you,

D

share this on »
{Facebook}
{Twitter}
{Pinterest}
1 Comment »

No new news

Friday, April 27, 2012

I talked to my doctor this morning to try to get some more information regarding the test results. She really didn't have much more to add. I asked her if she thought that a session with the genetic counselor was in order, and she felt that it was not necessary. Based on the fact that both my husband and I are both genetically normal, she feels that the chances of this happening again are not likely. I asked her if she felt that we should test the tissue from my first miscarriage and she did not think that was necessary either. She said she really believes that this is bad luck. I don't know, I have a huge problem with thinking that this is bad luck. I am a part of a group of less than 1% of women in the population that miscarry recurrently. She also told me that this is now an "explained miscarriage". Basically we know the cause of death of the baby, but not the cause for the miscarriage. Honestly, to me this seems like an unexplained miscarriage. We have no idea why a chromosomal abnormality was caused and we have no idea if it (or something like it) will happen again. Sigh.

I moved on from the past to the present and future and told her that I had ovulated last weekend and was now waiting for AF to show next weekend. She was happy with that progress. I asked her a few questions regarding the Femara. I am supposed to take it CD 5-9 and following with regular ovulation tests (and I will chart as well). She suggested calling the nurse next cycle if my period is late (I don't expect that it will be because we aren't TTC next cycle) so that I can come in for a blood test. I will definitely do that for the cycle where we start trying again.

A few hours later the genetic counselor called me back. I had left her a message yesterday asking her if she thought that our particular results of isochromosome 8, in combination with our normal genetic tests, warranted a visit to speak with her. She told me that she would be happy to look over our information on Monday and get back with me shortly after. I think I know that we are NOT going to proceed with further genetic counseling, but I think it would be interesting to hear what she has to say. She was very pleasant to speak with so I figured that I would take her up on her offer to look everything over.

So once again, no answers, only more questions. Happy Friday.

share this on »
{Facebook}
{Twitter}
{Pinterest}
Add a comment »

So now we know

Thursday, April 26, 2012

My RE called me one day early to tell me the results of the tissue test from this last miscarriage. Apparently this one died of a chromosomal abnormality, which I guess I was expecting. Isochromosome 8 to be exact.  My doctor told me that she did not expect this actual chromosomal anomaly to to be a recurrent problem, but the only brief information that I got was left on my voicemail.  I will need to call back tomorrow to get more info.  I did quite a bit of Googling this afternoon and found out a few things, but not as much as I was expecting.



  • An isochromosome is an abnormal chromosome that has two identical arms due to duplication of one and and loss of another.*
  • Isochromosomes are found in tumors and in some girls with Turner syndrome.*
  • Since the chromosomes carry the genetic information which triggers our individual development, errors in the chromosomes generally lead to abnormal development. These abnormalities are often so severe that the baby is incompatible with life. Thus, many chromosomal abnormalities end in miscarriage. Often, this occurs very early in the pregnancy. However, if there is enough fetal material to collect from a miscarriage, a karyotype can be performed to determine if such an abnormality existed. If a karyotype reveals a numerical abnormality, it is most likely random. There is usually no increased risk of miscarriage in successive pregnancies, with the exception of trisomy (which has been linked to maternal age).**

That is literally all that I can find and I have been searching for several hours.  There is very little information on the web about anything other than trisomy 13, 18, & 21.  Even finding any info about a healthy chromosome 8 is difficult, let alone finding info about an abnormal one.  

The RE gave me the number of a genetic counselor and said that if we want to schedule an appointment we can.  I called just to ask a few questions (left a message), but my husband and I decided that we are not going to schedule an appointment.  From what I gather this is not a common occurrence.  

Now we are left wondering if this really was just a freak event of nature.  Unfortunately we are only left with more questions.  Funny how the more info that you get the more questions you have.  I am going to call the insurance company tomorrow to see if they will let my RE test the tissue from our first loss.  I would be very curious to know what happened there, even though I am sure it was also some type of chromosomal abnormality due to the fact that there was a slow heartbeat at one point.  



The saga continues...


*From MedicineNet.com.
**From Infertility Suite 101

share this on »
{Facebook}
{Twitter}
{Pinterest}
Add a comment »

Each Tear

Since getting less stressed and becoming more relaxed and less anxious has been one of my major to-dos lately, I have been listening to a lot of Reggae while at work.  Normally I listen to Sirius - The Joint and I'll have to say, I quite like it.  They have been playing a Mary J. Blige/Jah Cure song lately, Each Tear, which made me cry the first time I heard it.  This could just be because I have been a hormonal mess lately, but the song really made me think.

In each tear there's a lesson,
Makes you wiser than before
Makes you stronger than you know
In each tear
Brings you closer to your dreams...


You're much more than a struggle that you go through
You're not defined by your pain, so let it go...
You're not a victim, you're more like a winner
And you're not in defeat, you're more like a queen


Each time I catch myself feeling sorry for myself that things are working out exactly like I planned, I try to remember that this too shall pass and I'll be stronger for it in the end.  The first time I get to hold my baby in my arms, all of this struggle will have been worth it.

share this on »
{Facebook}
{Twitter}
{Pinterest}
Add a comment »

Post acupuncture bliss

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I had my second acupuncture session today.  It was less eventful than my first one, but still quite relaxing.  The acupuncturist asked how I was feeling and I told him that I was actually sleeping better after 2 weeks of insomnia and that I had a one day earlier ovulation.  He asked what the day was and when I told him 26, he shook his head in disapproval.  No good I guess.  Hopefully he can fix that and fast.  Back to the session...I fell asleep deeply today and woke up abruptly when I felt myself sliding off the right side of the table (I wasn't actually sliding off the table though because it was flat.  So weird!).  Afterwards I floated on my commute home feeling very relaxed and trying not to pay attention to the throngs of pregnant women I was seeing.  Seriously 9 out of 10 women I saw on my commute home were 8 months pregnant.

My first session was very interesting.  I got to the office after getting seriously lost for about 20 minutes so as you can imagine, I was kind of flustered and very late.  The acupuncturist gave me a long questionnaire to fill out.  The questions were not the typical ones that you would see at a western medicine office.  They included things like color/consistency of AF, color of your urine, and color and consistency of your BMs.  Other questions like are you normally hot or cold and are you usually thirsty were also on there.  I tired to be as truthful as possible, but come on, color and consistency of your BM?!

After completing the questionnaire, the acupuncturist looked it over.  He then took me back into a small room and looked at my tongue and felt my pulse.  He asked me a few more questions about my cycles and losses and told me about a 40 year old woman with 6 recurrent losses that he was able to help get and keep pregnant.  He then told me to lay down on the table and he stuck in the needles...i in my head, one on each hand, one on my stomach, and one in each lower leg.  He then turned on some soothing Chinese music turned the lights out and told me to relax.  I was able to relax fairly quickly and I drifted off to sleep several times and had really trippy dreams.  They were almost like mild hallucinations with weird shapes and patterns floating at me.  Very interesting indeed.

When the session was over, the acupuncturist gave me a laundry list of things that I was not to consume and not to do.  They included:

  • coffee of any kind (including decaf, which I had been drinking since kicking my caffeine addiction last June)
  • alcohol (which is the only good thing about not being pregnant)
  • anything spicy (I am addicted to Frank's Red Hot)
  • anything greasy (this one isn't too tough for me, but lately I have been craving tater tots)
  • no refined sugar (I didn't think this would be hard since I prefer salty to sweet, but I miss my Chubby Hubby)
  • no chicken (unless organic, which I try to eat anyways)
  • only room temperature beverages (try asking for a seltzer with no ice, terribly ridiculous)
  • no TTC for 2 cycles.
He told me to continue:
  • eating lots of veggies (I eat a bag of assorted veggies daily along with many a meal=salad)
  • eating lots of fruit (I love fruit)
  • exercising, but moderately (I run several miles a week, but used to run upwards of 35-40 miles a week)
  • yoga/meditation for relaxation (Even though I have not been in a week, I have been practicing Hatha yoga)
Then came the payment...$90 for the first session and $75 for each subsequent.  Man talk about expensive.  I am keeping my visits to every other week at this point.  I really hope this helps me.

share this on »
{Facebook}
{Twitter}
{Pinterest}
Add a comment »

Yay for early ovulation!!

Ok not that much earlier, only one day, but I think that is a good sign especially since this was a D&C cycle.  I have been taking extra B6 along with my prenatal and acidophilus.  I have also been drinking red raspberry leaf tea 2 times a day up until ovulation.  AF should show up around next Friday or Saturday and then it is on to my first Femara cycle! 



This afternoon is my second acupuncture appointment, which I am looking forward to now that I know how to find the place.  I am also supposed to have yoga tonight, but I am not sure that I am going to be able to make it home in time.  I have missed 2 yoga classes in a row...oops. :-(

share this on »
{Facebook}
{Twitter}
{Pinterest}
Add a comment »

Waiting for cross-hairs when nothing is at stake

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Anyone that uses Fertility Friend (FF) knows that it can be very nerve wracking to wait for cross-hairs to be added to your chart (a line that shows you when you ovulated and what your coverline is).  When you are TTC the stakes are high because perfectly timed BD is so important.  Finding out when you ovulated after you ovulated makes things even more difficult!  When you aren't actively TTC, it pretty much sucks waiting for cross-hairs.  The only thing I have to look forward to is AF.  Booooo!

For the past several months I have been using a combination of OPKs, daily 4:30 AM BBT readings, CM checking, etc.  The combination of these tools has been obviously pretty effective in telling me when I ovulate.  The problem for me is not determining ovulation, but the waiting.  Since my cycles are anywhere from 35-41 days I have to wait until around day 27 to ovulate.  Most people get AF on day 28.  How annoying.  Then I have to wait around 11-12 days to get AF. So I have a long cycle, late ovulation, and a short luteal phase.  I am constantly wondering if this has been a factor in my M/C.  :(

This month (my post M/C D&C cycle) I got a positive OPK on day 25, a big temp dip the next day, followed by 2 days of higher temps.  I am hoping for a higher temp tomorrow so that FF will give me cross-hairs on the 26 and I can move on to my next cycle.  I am actually surprised that I got a positive OPK as normal this cycle since I was getting positive PG tests 2 weeks after surgery.  I guess I'll have more news tomorrow.

On a side note, I am so happy to hear that Giuliana Rancic is going to be a mom in a few months!  I have been following her story for a while.  She has amazing courage to be able to smile and be positive after dealing with infertility, miscarriage, and cancer.  She helps me to think more positively in my own life and stop feeling like a victim.  Yay Giuliana!!

share this on »
{Facebook}
{Twitter}
{Pinterest}
1 Comment »

This is how I got here

Monday, April 23, 2012

I figured that before I jumped right into to posting that I should mention why I am starting this blog.  I am 30 years old and of a healthy weight.  I exercise regularly including running, plyometrics, and other cross training.  I walk whenever possible.  I have recently taken up yoga.  I eat very healthy...mostly organic fruits and veggies with little sugar or fried foods. I have recently stopped drinking completely, but previously only had a few weeks per drink (if that).  I stopped drinking caffeinated coffee almost a year ago and stopped drinking any coffee 3 weeks ago.  I have never smoked or taken drungs in my life.  I take vitamins everyday, including a probiotic and most recently fish oil.  I am very careful to use more natural health, beauty, and cleaning products.  I always wear sunscreen. 

Where is this leading you may ask?  Well, in the past 7 months I have had 3 miscarriages.  Apparently all of my healthy due dilligence has not paid off.  Here is a little background on each one of my miscarriages:

1.  I went off BCP last May after having been on it for 10 years straight.  I originally went on it because AF had gotten very sporadic.  I hated not knowing when she was going to show up so the GYN put me on Alesse (Aviane) as an easy fix.  I loved getting AF every 4th Tuesday morning of the month.  When I went off BCP my cycles came back at regular, but long intervals.  I was now at 35 days from start to finish.  Back to the first M/C...We waited 2 months and then we started not trying, not preventing (NTNP) in July.  I plugged my cycle length into some silly app on my husband's iPod Touch and it came up with my "fertile" days.  We used that as a guideline, but did not expect to become PG the first try.  Well, to our happy surprise, I became PG on the first try.  I was feeling very fertile and blessed.  We decided not to tell anyone until the 12th week because I have friends who had gone through M/Cs and we did not want to jinx anything.  I remember calling my OB/GYN to tell them that I was PG and they scheduled me for an intake appointment 2 weeks out and the first ultrasound around 10 weeks.  The ultrasound seemed so far away, but I figured the time would go pretty fast.  I bought all sorts of PG related books and a journal, which I started writing in daily.  I started taking a prenatal vitamin and DHA.  I (obviously) didn't drink.  I gave up sushi, lunch meat, hotdogs and raw cheeses.  I had mild morning sickness all the time and could not eat veggies without wanting to puke.  Carbs were my go-to food choice.  I figured everything must be going great although I had this odd feeling way deep down that something wasn't right.  Fast forward to my first ultrasound.  The doctor first tried to hear the heartbeat on the fetal doppler.  He didn't have any luck but assured me that since it was so early that this was normal.  Onto the ultrasound, I laid there on the table while the ultrasound tech tried to find our little one.  She kept asking me to hold my breath while she slid the wand over my stomach.  She was very quite and once she was finished she told us to go wait in the waiting room and the doctor would be with us shortly.  We had no idea the doctor was about to tell us that our little one had a slow heartbeat of 68 and was only measuring 8.5 weeks.  They told me to wait a week and then come back for a follow-up, but they told me the outcome was 100% M/C.  I promptly switched OB/GYNs because I figured that there must be some type of mistake.  I had no M/C symptoms.  Sure enough a week later I sat in my new OB/GYNs ultrasound facility and had the tech tell me there was no heartbeat.  I had a D&C a few days later since my body showed no signs of M/C naturally.  My husband and I were heartbroken, but vowed that we would try again.

2.  Following my first D&C it took me 46 days to get AF.  It seemed like an eternity.  My doctor advised me to wait 3 cycles before trying again.  I joined a online support group for women who lost babies within the same month as my EDD.  After doing lots of research on the internet my husband and I decided to go for it in that next cycle.  This time I didn't even use the iPod Touch to help with conception dates, we just decided to go for it.  Low and behold a few weeks later I had another BFP on my hands.  I was kind of shocked at how easily we got PG again.  I called my OB/GYN and they scheduled me for some beta HCG bloodwork the next day.  My first draw was low at only around 52.  I also had some pretty bad cramping, which I did not have with my first PG.  Two days later my HCG was only around 100.  The nurse at the OB/GYN told me that I should probably expect to miscarry, but that I should come back for bloodwork in a few days.  A few days later I woke up and felt off.  I decided to stay home from work.  A few hours later I started bleeding heavily.  I went in for bloodwork the next day and my levels were already at 12.  A week later I was back to 0.  At my follow-up appointment 2 weeks after my negative blood draw the doctor told me that there was no need to wait to TTC after this miscarriage since it was so early.  He called it "chemical" and told me that it was very common and that most (normal) people would not have even known that they were PG.  He told me that we were just having a string of bad luck.  My husband and I were excited that we did not have to wait again, but nervous just the same.

3.  Third time is a charm?  Ummm not so much.  After my second consecutive M/C I decided to see a RE to get some testing done to see if I had some type of underlying health condition that was causing these.  I had a RLP (repeated loss panel) and a hysteroscopy, which all came back normal.  Again, I was told that we were probably just having bad luck and to try again.  I mentioned my long cycles to the RE (the cycles were now around 38-41 days in length) and she said that just meant that we had less chances per year to become PG.  After the "chemical" my husband and I waited a month and then started TTC again.  This time I was charting my cycles, taking OPKs twice daily, checking CM, taking progesterone, and just generally being psycho about my cycles.  Several weeks later...another BFP.  I took the positive test at 13dpo after testing negative at 11dpo.  I called the RE and was asked to come in for beta HCG.  My first draw came back at 99, which the nurse told me probably wasn't a good sign since it was so low.  Two days later it was over 200.  Then my next draw several days later had doubled accordingly so they et me up to come in for my first ultrasound at around 6 weeks.  I was an anxious, nervous wreck.  My first ultrasound was ok, but only a sac and yolk were seen.  They put me at about 5.5 weeks.  I was to come back in a week.  A week later there was a heartbeat, but it was beating at a slow 80.  They gave me a 50/50 chance and told me to come back in a week.  A week later...no heartbeat and baby measuring only 6 weeks.  My husband and I were devastated.  I don't think I have ever been so angry and upset in my entire life.  I opted for another D&C several days later so that the tissue could be studied to figure out the cause of death.

So now here I am waiting for my first AF and waiting for the results of the fetal tissue.   Back to charting, OPKs, and checking CM.  This time around I am having acupuncture and and taking yoga.  I am also starting on Femara once I get AF.

I have just started to scratch the surface of my life the past 10 months.  I am hoping to keep up with this blog and will hopefully help someone out who is going through a similar issue.

share this on »
{Facebook}
{Twitter}
{Pinterest}
2 Comments »