I can't believe that I already had my 6 week OB appointment today.  B will be 7 weeks on Thursday!  Where has the time gone?

I was really nervous for my appointment this morning for a few reasons.  The first reason was because I had to go alone with B.  I have gone alone with him to appointments before, but never to the hospital and never for 4 1/2 hours.  I had to go early this morning to first get my 2 hour GTT and then for my OB appointment afterwards at 11:20 AM.  So yeah, I had to entertain B for several hours, in a hospital setting, by myself.

Turns out it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  I nursed him a total of 2 times and changed 3 diapers in the family restrooms.  Luckily everything in the hospital is wheelchair accessible!  I hate the nursing covers and would prefer to just "free-boob" it, but I am not sure how legal that is in my state (or anywhere for that matter).

The 2 hour GTT test wasn't as bad as the 3 hour, but the drink was by far worse.  It wasn't the orange flavored one, it was no flavor other than sugar water.  I choked it down and it threatened to come back up for several minutes.  Luckily I could drink water to take the sticky, sweet taste out of my mouth.  GROSS!

After chugging the gross drink, B and I did several laps around the hospital.  We walked past the fertility clinic.  I wanted to go in and thank my RE and their staff, but didn't think they would even remember me since it was September that I was there last.  I saw the doctor that delivered B and I also saw a few other doctors that I remembered walking the halls.  It was weird to be back there again for what will be the last time for quite a while (or until I try to get pregnant again or get pregnant again on my own).  The site of so many heartbreaks and bad memories, now has a bunch of great memories for me.  They helped me conceive and birth my son.  I am forever grateful.

After my last blood draw, I headed over for one last visit to MFM.  I am not sure what my BP was, but my weight is 133 (down from a high of 164 plus).  I still have 13 lbs to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, or 15 lbs to lose to get back to my goal weight.  I realize that this weight should not come off until I stop breastfeeding and I am ok with that.

I talked to my doctor one last time.  We discussed birth control, as he gave me the all-clear for sex (which I still have no interest in right now...sorry hubby!).  I am going to start the mini-pill on Sunday.  Not really excited about that, but I also do not want to get pregnant for at least a year and having something put into me like an IUD sounds completely unappealing.  We also discussed exercise and my diastasis recti.  I told him about the marathon and he told me that I can start running...slowly.  I am surely going to be at the pace of a turtle for some time.  As for the ab situation, he told me that he has never seen anyone have luck with physical therapy, but he agreed to write me a prescription if I agreed to call him and let him know if it worked or not.  He also told me that if I choose to have another baby and a c-section that he will stitch my abs back together as part of the surgery, if that was going to be my last child.  I love this man!!  He also checked my incision, which he said looked good and he gave me a pap smear which hurt like hell.  He told me to give them a call if I get pregnant and we'll do it all over again starting at 8 weeks.

I really felt like hugging him, but I thought that would be weird.  Seems like so long ago that I walked in there for the first time, crying and so scared.  He really always helped to calm me down.  He never tried to blow smoke and sugar coat anything, but he also didn't unnecessarily scare me either.  It is crazy that you spend so much time at their office when you are pregnant and then you just stop going.  It sounds weird to say that I will actually miss going for regular check-ups there.

When I handed the receptionist my paperwork and told her that I did not need to schedule a follow-up it felt like I was graduating.  I now have my healthy baby that I worked so hard for.  Quite a surreal feeling.  I did it.  I overcame whatever issue I had.  I fought and I won.

When I got home I already had an email from the nurse giving me the results of the 2 hour GTT.  I PASSED!  NO MORE DIABETES!!  My fasting was 87 and my 2 hour was 112.  I breathed a sigh of relief, but know that I will forever have changed my eating habits and will always be thinking about diabetes.  I know that I am at a higher risk now for type-2 diabetes, so I have even more incentive to stay healthy.

Today was a good day.  B has been doing better the past few days.  I have a more thorough update of him that I need to write, but I hear him stirring from his nap so I need to get back to mommy duty.  

For fun, here are some before and after shots of my mangled belly.  Something to work my ass off for.    I am jealous of my old body!  Enjoy!

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As you can see, my blogging has gotten pretty sparse lately.  I knew having a baby would make me have less time for things like writing, but I think I grossly underestimated how much less time I would have.  When I do have a free minute I tend to do things like throw laundry in, do the dishes, make the bed, get dressed, go to the bathroom, call my grandma to thank her for my birthday present 2 weeks late...

The crazy thing is that I have a ton of stuff to write about.  I am going to try to make a better effort to write out all of these posts that I am thinking of writing, but for now I am just going to give an update since I have exactly 1/2 hour before I have to feed baby B and go to bed.

Baby B
I can't believe that he will be 6 weeks old on Thursday.  He is awesome and amazing.  Cute and snuggly.  He smells so good.  He is a great eater, but spits up quite a bit and is pretty gassy.  He is very strong and can lift his head and move it around with almost no support.  He is also extremely fussy!  He loves to be held all of his waking hours.  I went out and bought some gripe water to help with his fussiness.  I am still not sure if it is helping or not, but he does seem a little happier.  He also likes the stroller, taking rides in the car, and being toted in the M.oby wrap.  He is growing like a weed.  At his 1 month appointment he weighed 11.1 lbs (up from 9.5 lbs, 2 weeks earlier) and he is now 22 inches.  He is only sleeping about 3 hours (at the most) consecutively at night.  Needless to say, mommy is pretty tired.  He likes a pacifier sometimes, but tends to spit it out after a few minutes.  His fav paci so far has been the S.oothie, but we introduced the N.uk and it seems to stay in his mouth better.  He loves having a bath!  He also loves being swaddled in the S.waddle M.e wrap, which I would STRONGLY recommend.  It makes swaddling in the middle of the night so much easier.  He likes newborn music class!  He will laugh and smile if you catch him in a good mood and squeak his soft rattle.  Seeing his smile makes all of the shit that I went through over the past years worth every last sucky minute.

Breastfeeding
Still going...!  Things have gotten much easier.  B is definitely getting enough to eat as he has gained quite a bit (78 percentile).  My only real issues, which are opposite of the issues I though I would have...oversupply and overactive letdown.  When B goes to latch I literally make him choke with my fire-hose of a letdown.  Sometimes I pump a little off first, but I can't do that in the middle of the night.  Last night I tried hand expressing some milk before feeding him in the middle of the night and I can shoot a stream of milk several feet in front of me.  The lactation consultant that I saw last Friday told me to lay off the oatmeal and M.other's M.ilk tea.  Oh and the lactation cookies that I made were unnecessary, I guess.  I have started pumping at least once a day to save up for when I go back to work.  It is hard to find time to pump since B is very demanding, but I want to start introducing a bottle to him at 6 weeks.  I don't anticipate an issue, but I guess I have been wrong about everything so far.  We'll see.

Thyroid/Diabetes
I had an appointment at the Endocrinologist last Tuesday and they checked my TSH and A1C.  My TSH was only 1.01, so I am thinking that she will tell me that I can discontinue my 25 mcg of levothyroxine.    My A1C was 4.8, which was pretty good and equals an average glucose level of around 94.  I still have my 2 hour GTT in a week and a half so I am hoping that turns out ok.  I am still pretty conscious of my diet and I eat way less carbs that I did before.  I have cut out pasta and bread almost completely.  That said, I have been eating cereal and having treats here and there.  I was good for so long, I think I deserve some indulgence.

Postpartum Recovery
Physically, I feel so much better now than I did a few weeks ago.  I still have about 10 lbs to lose, but I have heard that you need to keep on some weight to be an efficient milk producer, so I am ok with that.  I don't think I look overweight so I am fine with it.  What I am NOT ok with is my stomach.  It is completely wrecked.  I have serious stretch marks and my belly button is gross.  I could write a whole post about this, and probably will at some point.  I have diastasis recti.  From my unscientific diagnosis, I have about a 4-5 finger separation of my ab muscles. I went from 6-pack abs to a sagging pouch of a stomach with a huge indentation in the middle.  It has caused me quite a but of depression.  I hate looking in the mirror, it makes me so upset.  I did some research online and asked friends for recommendations and I found a physical therapy program that rehabs women with this condition.  I am going for my first appointment in a week and a half.  I can't wait.  My scar looks great though.  It is almost invisible to me.  I don't mind it at all.  I have no traces of the PUPPPs rash...thank goodness.  I have been walking with B and my dog.  My bleeding stopped about 2 weeks ago and now it is just annoying (TMI) yellow discharge.  Enough for liners 24/7.  I will be so glad when I can stop wearing a liner!  I have been through my entire pregnancy, too!  My doctor prescribed me the mini-pill, but I have not started taking it yet.  I really don't want to take it, but I also don't want to get pregnant any time soon.  Knowing my luck, I would get pregnant with a take home baby if we had sex.  Speaking of sex, we still have not undertaken that activity yet.  I am waiting until my 6 week pp doctors visit before we do it, just to be safe.  I am mentally looking forward to it, but not physically.  I am worried that I'll be in pain.

Other Stuff
I officially signed up for the NYC Marathon.  Yes, I am nuts.  My husband got me a personal running coach and class for my birthday, along with a new pair of sneaks!  I am waiting for my 6 week pp appointment to get the go ahead, but I am not sure they will even let me start running yet and I am not sure I want to run yet.  I feel like my organs might migrate out through the whole in my abs.  Gross.

The dog has been great with the baby.  He is protective and watches B when I leave him in his swing and have to run upstairs.  He likes to lick his head, which we don't let him do often, but occasionally.  :)  The cats have been a huge pain in the ass, though.  They have already scratched up his lovely glider and love to climb in his crib and pack and play with any opportunity that they get.  We have to keep the doors closed, which sucks.  I hope they get better, but I have a feeling this is just cats being cats.

Lastly, I got my medical bill from my 6 days stay...$55,000.  Wowzers.  Thank goodness I am only responsible for $500 of it.  Can't imagine what would happen if I didn't have insurance.

Alright my grace period has expired.  My boobs are telling me that B is hungry.  He is still asleep so he doesn't know it yet, but he will as soon as I pick him up.  Now I need to catch up on my blog list!  I still read when I am breastfeeding, but do it on my iPad, so it is hard for me to comment.  I am still following along with you ladies though.  :)  I hope you are all doing well!

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I should be used to this by now, right?  I have done a lot of waiting over the past 2 years.  Waiting to get pregnant.  Waiting to get an ultrasound.  Waiting to miscarry.  Waiting to TTC again.  Waiting to ovulate.  Waiting to test.  Waiting to get blood tests.  Waiting to see a RE.  Waiting to start treatment.  Waiting for more test results.  Waiting for more blood tests and ultrasounds.  Waiting for follow-up ultrasounds.  Waiting for NT scan.  Waiting for anatomy scan.  Waiting for viability weeks.  Waiting for 30 weeks.  Waiting to be full term...  The list goes on and on.  I know that some people have to wait a lot longer than this for everything, and I give them all the more credit.  Waiting is tough.

Right now I am waiting to have this baby.  I am 39 weeks.  After my appointment on Monday, I kind of convinced myself that I would get to meet this little guy this week.  Well, it is looking like that is not going to happen.  He seems rather content to stay in there for who knows how long.  I have tried walking.  I am drinking red raspberry tea right now.  Everyone is telling me to try sex, but honestly that doesn't sound like a whole heap of fun right now given my circumference.  I am not sure how logistically it would work.  I might get desperate and give it a try this weekend.  My poor husband!

The doctor wants me to monitor for consistent movement and that is driving me crazy.  I am sort of obsessed with making sure he is moving enough.  He'll be really active at certain times and then quiet at other times and I honestly want to break out the Doppler.  Usually if I give him a little push, he'll kick me back.  It will be nice when I can see him and see that he is alive rather than relying on his kicks.  He seems to sleep when I sleep for the most part.  He is very active mid-morning and after dinner, sometimes to the point where his jabs cause me some pain.  I am wondering if this is how he will be out of the womb, too (minus the causing me pain part, haha)?

I am having trouble getting around.  My stomach is stretched to the max.  I actually have several stretch marks on my belly right now, which I really thought I was going to be able to avoid due to the fact that my mom never got any and the fact that I have gone through hundreds of dollars worth of B.io O.il in the past few months.  No dice!  M.ederma here I come.

I am pretty uncomfortable right now, but I guess it isn't as bad as I thought it would be so I really can't complain.  While I have not been sleeping for long stretches, I don't have any trouble falling asleep.  Even when I get up 5 times a night, I am always able to change positions and fall back to sleep with no issue.  I also don't have any problem napping at any time.  I know, I know I should nap as much as possible now because I won't be sleeping for several months.

I am also pretty done with the diabetes.  I am seriously hoping that my body decides to go back to normal after I give birth.  I can't imagine managing a baby, breastfeeding, and managing diabetes.  I know people do it all the time, but ugh.  Not a happy thought.  My numbers have been pretty kick ass though.  My fastings have been in the 70s/80s consistently (granted I am still on 12 units of NPH at night).  I can honestly say that I am sick of yogurt, string cheese, and peanut butter, though.

My next appointment is Monday.  I have a BPP and growth scan (I think).  I am thinking of asking to have my membranes stripped (thanks, Melis :-).  I am not sure that would help me, but it is worth a try, right?

To pass some time, I taught myself to crochet by watching Y.ouT.ube videos.  I made this little guy a hat to wear home from the hospital.  I will admit that it took me 3 days of starting and ripping out stitches to get it the correct size.  The first one I made ended up fitting me.  Haha.

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Is it really possible??  I am 37 weeks, 3 days today.  It doesn't seem possible.  I had my regular weekly appointment this morning which consisted of a BPP and a growth check due to the gestational diabetes and thyroid issue.  My appointment was at 8 AM for the ultrasound and unfortunately my husband couldn't go so I had to drive myself there (since I am no longer working from the office).

I was early so they got me in for my scan a little earlier.  The baby was very busy as he usually is at that time of the morning.  He usually sleeps most of the night and then is up a lot in the morning.  He was practicing his breathing and karate chops.

He passed his BPP with an 8/8 and his growth checked out to 53%!  Almost right smack in the middle where he should be.  I am not sure how this happened, but I am really happy that he is measuring back to normal.  He still has "hi normal" fluid, but I asked the radiologist when she came in to do her double check and she said it was not a worrisome number at all.

Next I had my appointment with the doctor.  My BP was 110/77.  I was happy about that!  I am up 31 lbs.  Yikes.  I don't feel like I am gaining weight though.  My rings still fit (even though when I mentioned that I was still wearing them to the doctor he told me that have a ring cutter which they use frequently and suggested I start wearing them around my neck just in case) and I am not swelling.

The doctor was very happy with my blood sugar readings and with the BPP/growth scan.  His guess is that the baby will be in the 7 lb range when he is born.  Yay!  I was 7 lb 9 oz when I was born and I was my mom's first.  He asked me if I was familiar with the hospital check in and I told him that I had done a virtual tour.  He said that was good enough.  I was sort of hoping for an internal exam to see if I was dilated at all, but he didn't think it was necessary since I am not having regular contractions (or really any contractions for that matter, except in the middle of the night).  I go back in a week for another BPP.

I am getting so excited to meet this little guy.  The other night I was laying in bed before falling asleep and I started to get really worked up and excited, thinking about him.  I want him to come when he is ready, but I am so anxious to meet him as soon as possible.  Physically I feel ready.  I am tired, moody, and uncomfortable.  I am still nesting, but don't have a ton of energy to keep up with the cleaning.  My furbabies like to keep my house full of "furbunnies" (or tumble-weeds).  I can't keep up anymore!  I usually vacuum at least 1-2 times a week (if not more), but I find that I can't even do that anymore.  Walking just a mile is painful!  I know what I am doing after work today...

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I have been a bad blogger lately.  So much going on and so little time to sit and write it all down.  This post is going to be all over the place, as a result.  It also might be a little long and have a lot of pictures, but I labeled everything so you can skip over parts that don't interest you.  I can't believe that I am due 1 month from today!!

Work Baby Shower
My co-workers threw me a baby shower last week and they pooled together to get me the B.aby J.ogger C.ity S.elect stroller!  It converts to a double, if necessary, which was why I registered for it.  It was so nice of them to get me that since it wasn't cheap.  We all met in one of the office conference rooms and they had cake and fruit salad.  Unfortunately I didn't get to have anything after my last shower cake disaster.  My boss got me 2 oatmeal cookies with raisins for later with a meal (that didn't turn out well either, I'll explain later).  Check out the cute cake!  It was half chocolate and half vanilla with butter cream frosting and fondant.  The top part of the cake came off so one of my co-workers wrapped it up nicely and put it in the freezer for me to have when I can eat cake again.  :)

Maternity Photos
I was really on the fence about these for a number of reasons.  First of all was the cost.  Most of the photographers that I looked into were so expensive and that was just for the actual shoot.  They tacked on a ton for prints and even more for digital copies.  I ended up finding someone through a friend of mine and this photographer ended up being great!  I was also on the fence because I just felt weird to be having my picture taken by someone else.  Ultimately, I decided to have them done because I wish that my mom had them done when she was pregnant with me.  I would love to look back and see photos of her pregnant.  She can't seem to find any.  This little guy will have a bunch.  :)


Gestational Diabetes
I would say that I have been able to keep things under control for the most part.  My fasting blood sugar is still unpredictable.  Some days it is good and some days it is a little higher.  I am currently taking 12 units of H.umulin N at bedtime (or rather 8 hours before my scheduled wake-up time).  I saw my endocrinologist this morning (have I mentioned that I love her??).  She thinks that I am doing well.  My A1C was 5.2.  I told her about my disaster with the 1/2 of an oatmeal cookie with dinner.  Basically, I had a very low carb dinner of baked salmon with sautéed kale w/ sliced almonds.  I added the 1/2 of a cookie as my treat with dinner.  This half a cookie made my 1 hour and 2 hour pp readings high.  I was so upset and annoyed that I thew out the other 1 and 1/2 cookies from my boss.  I told the endocrinologist this and she was so nice.  She gave me a fast-acting insulin pen (N.ovolog) and told me that if I wanted to have a cookie every now and again or go out for dinner that it was ok, since I was so strict.  She told me to take 4 units before eating a higher carb meal and to NOT FEEL GUILTY.  She also said that at this point the baby's organs are developed enough that having a high reading once and again is not going to do much to cause the baby issues.  She told me that I was doing a great job and she expects me to go back to normal after the baby is born.  I hope she is right.  I have a follow-up scheduled with her for 6 weeks post-partum.

Pregnant Co-worker
So she FINALLY told me, on her own, about a week and a half ago that she was pregnant.  I asked her why she waited so long and she said that she hadn't told anyone at work other than my boss and her "supervisor", the co-worker who I had been talking to about about that she hates.  We talked for a while and she mentioned the whole NT scan issues with the down syndrome markers.  She said that even though the results from her tests came back ok, that she was kind of depressed.  I told her that I struggled with some depression issues around the same time along as her.  She was surprised that I did since I had such a tough time staying pregnant, but I think she appreciated my story and felt better about her own situation.  One thing about me is that I don't hold grudges.  I am always open to patching things up.  Even though I was really pissed that she hadn't told me anything, I am over it.  I feel like I have my friend back again, which is nice.  Now when we see each other in the bathroom we can talk about our pregnancies rather than my pregnancy.

Work
I have decided to start working from home, exclusively, the week after next.  I am already working from home 2 days a week, which is nice, but I am getting to the point where walking to and from the train is getting to be very long and very painful.  I have started transitioning my work to others, which is hard for me.  I hate feeling like I can be replaced so easily and I shudder to think about the condition of my "space" when I get back.  I manage a small area of the company, pretty much on my own.  No people, just an application and an audit-controlled process.  I am the only "expert" on the subject.  I am sure things will be ok, but it is tough to let go.

More Jealousy Issues
My husband is still on the C.ross F.it kick and now has entered a competition, which spans five total weeks.  I sort of had a freak-out on Sunday and ended up making him cry.  He spent the morning going to pick up the glider and then installing the baby seat in the car.  He then went off to his X-fit competition, which we said would be fast.  3 1/2 hours later, he comes home, while I had spent the last 3 hours going to the grocery store, cleaning, washing clothes, getting the nursery ready, etc.  I was so pissed that I just barked at him and didn't ask him how he did.  Then I ignored him for several hours while I continued my housework.  The crying came into play when I tried to strike up conversation after cooling down.  The truth is, I am still jealous that he spends so much time at that place with, amongst others, lots of 20-something girls, so I brought that up, again.  He thinks that I don't support him and that I am fixated on making myself believe that he gives a crap about any of the girls that he works out with regularly.  He said that he has always been there to support my races (he has sat through many a 5k, 10k, 1/2 marathon, 30k and marathon), which is true.  Ugh I felt like a terrible person because he really does support me and I don't support him enough.  My hormones in combination with my physical un-fitness have turned me into a raging bitchy lunatic.  He cried, I cried, but we patched everything up.  This is why we work so well together.  We communicate.  He did awesome at his competition, too.  He got the best score at his gym.  :)

Speaking of Running...
NYC Marathon 2013, here I come!  After 3 consecutive fails in the lottery, I am a part of the last group ever that gets guaranteed entry in the 4th year after failing the lottery 3 times in a row!  They were thinking that they might have to cut my group due to the hurricane disaster last year causing an overflow of 2012 registrants, but apparently my group was lucky enough to get in.  I have my work cut out for me following the birth of this little guy, but I am so excited to have a fitness goal to look forward to.  This will be my 3rd marathon!

The Baby!
Saved the most important for last!  I had an appointment yesterday with MFM (35 weeks, 3 days), which included another growth ultrasound.  I was so nervous since last appointment they had him measuring in the 83 percentile.  Well this time he is measuring in the 64 percentile, so I was thrilled.  This is about a week ahead.  Apparently I had a much better radiologist this time (one of top two high-risk radiologists in the country).  The baby's biophysical profile was 8/8!  His head is down and facing my back and he was very active during the scan.  He had his hands in front of his face and his feet right up near his head.  My fluid level was normal.  I didn't get an internal check this time, but I did get a GBS swab, which I have no doubt will come back positive based on how I seem to fail just about every test.  I am prepared for that.  My no-IV request might not become a reality, but oh well.  My blood pressure was good and my weight was up.  I was up to 146, which is up 26 lbs.  Looks like I am heading for at least 30, gulp.  I asked the doctor about how long they would let me go before inducing me and he said he would like to wait until 40 weeks, unless some other complication arises.  He said that if things haven't progressed by 40 weeks that we'll talk induction dates.  I have a feeling this guy is not going to come early.  I think he really likes it in there.  I posted another pic of him here.  I have no idea what the ultrasound pic from yesterday is looking at.  So help me out if you know!      

Wow that was a lot to write.  I think I am caught up.  Now I have to pack my hospital bag, which will be the subject of a future post.  :)

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Yesterday's visit to the doctor was not what I expected.  I thought that I was getting another growth ultrasound, when in fact I was not.  I just had a regular ultrasound where they checked the welfare of the baby (including the heartbeat and the fluid level).  The baby checked out great.  We got to take another look at his cute (but large) head.  He had his hands up in his face which he likes to do when they try to disturb him with the ultrasound wand.  I am wondering if he is a thumb-sucker.  I was!

I asked the radiologist if she could check on my cervix while she had the wand out.  I explained to her my cramping ordeals.  She said she would try, but that at this stage in the game, it is hard to get a good look at the cervix, not to mention super uncomfortable.  She tried, but with no real luck.  She mentioned that the doctor would do an internal check which would give me a better idea of what I was working with.  Oh joy, my first internal!

On the way to the doctor appointment, I was having more cramping.  As my husband drove over the many craters and bumps on the way from my work to the hospital, all I could think about was how uncomfortable it was now with mild cramping and how incredibly miserable it would be while in full out labor.  Something to look forward to in the coming weeks.

The doctor appointment went well.  I gained 1 lb in a week (gulp).  Hopefully it was me gaining the weight and not the baby (maybe the cookies I made and have been enjoying every night :).  My blood pressure was good.  The doctor came in and we first discussed how the insulin was going and how my numbers were looking.  He was quite impressed with my 1 hour post-meal readings. Looking at most of them, would suggest that I am not even borderline GD.  This is due to the strict diet, though.  My fastings on the other hand are a whole different beast.  Still very difficult to control, even with the insulin.  Yesterday's reading was 93.

We discussed the times that I was sleeping and I explained to him my wacky schedule.  When I go into the office, I go to sleep around 9:30 PM and get up at 4:30 AM.  When I work from home, I go to sleep at 10:30 PM and get up at 6:30 AM.  On the weekends, I go to sleep around 11 PM and get up at 7 AM.  He asked if there was any way that I could go to sleep around 10 PM every night, taking the insulin at that time, and get up at 6 AM.  I told him, yeah sure if you write me a note so that I can work from home for the remainder of my pregnancy!  He said he would do that, but he first wanted to try me taking the insulin earlier, at like 8-8:30 PM if I am getting up at 4:30 AM.  I agreed to try this first.  I was hoping for the early WFH pass.  If I am still having trouble with things then I may take him up on the offer.  Today my reading was 88, with taking the insulin at 8 PM.

Next we talked about the cramping and contractions.  He asked some of the same questions the nurse asked and said he thought it sounded normal, but that he wanted to do an internal check to be sure and put my mind at ease.  I was expecting a ton of pain with this, but it didn't hurt more than a pap smear.  Turns out I am not dilated, AT ALL.  My cervix is tightly closed and still very long.  His head is way down low, though, which may be adding to my discomfort.  I am not sure how I feel about this.  I figured I would maybe be a centimeter (knowing that you can be a centimeter for weeks), so now I am back to thinking induction again.  Crap.  I am actually surprised that after 2 D&Cs and being forcefully dilated both times, that things are still so...umm... tight in there.  I guess my surgeons both knew what they were doing.

Knowing the state of the baby, my blood sugar, and my cervix, I don't have another appointment until 3/11.  I will be getting yet another ultrasound at this appointment and I assume that they will check the growth this time.  I think I am going to dial back my work-out routine until he is born.  I am not sure what keeping the 5 miles of walking a day is a good thing at this point.  I am going to cut it down to 3ish and see what happens.  I still need to get moving or I feel anxious!

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Thanks for the all of the comments, emails, and phone calls regarding my whole insulin debacle.  The second night that I tried injecting, I had success and every time since then I have been able to do it with no issue.  I think that it must have been first time jitters or something.

I have found that my thigh is definitely better than anywhere else to inject and that my left thigh is easier for me to jab than my right.  It is hard to reach around my huge belly.  Now, I would love to tell you that it has been working like a charm, but in fact, it hasn't helped at all and it has even made my numbers marginally worse.  How the heck is this possible?

The first night that I actually got the subcutaneous full dose, I figured I was golden.  I ate exactly the same bedtime snack that I usually have (protein shake w/ almond milk, string cheese, 2 biscotti).  I shot up (sounds like I am a drug addict) around 10:45 PM.  I had my usual 3 full hours of sleep, followed by a pee break, then several 90 minute sleep/pee sessions until I had to get up at 5:30 AM for the funeral.

Upon waking, I tested myself...freaking 98.  WTF?!  This was my 3rd highest fasting reading EVER.  I was so pissed.  I rushed around and got ready and wolfed down my breakfast (2 pieces of low-carb whole grain toast w/ chunky PB, 1 oz low-fat cheese, 2 pieces organic chx sausage, water).  This same breakfast the day before had yielded me a blood sugar reading of 112 an hour after breakfast.  I have been alternating between the egg white omelet and this breakfast for the past few weeks, but on this morning, I didn't have time to make the omelet.

In the car, I tested my blood sugar one hour after breakfast and it was 147.  WTF?!  I thought insulin was supposed to help your readings and not harm them.  I was now even more pissed and frustrated.  As my husband and I were driving we discussed me calling the OB on-call.  I have never done that before, but decided that should be one of the benefits of me going there so I called and left a message.

About an hour later the OB on-call gave me a ring and we chatted about my numbers.  She agreed that the insulin didn't appear to be helping, but said she would like to see readings for a few more days before making the call on upping my dose.  Up my dose??  My numbers were better without the freaking insulin.  How sad. :(

I went the rest of the day with ok readings.  I packed a cooler with snacks and dinner.  We ended up having lunch at my sister's boyfriend's house who lived near the funeral home/church.  They were very accommodating to me by making grilled chicken and salad.  They also got some cheese pizza which looked and smelled amazing, so I had half of a slice without the end crust.  My readings after the hour were great.  I feel like this is a game.  Sort of like, "Press Your Luck".  "Big money, big money, no whammies".

The funeral itself was so sad.  It was so hard to see my relatives so upset.  There is still no cause of death, so there was no burial because they are still examining him.  The casket was made of wood that my cousin was going to use to make his own snowboard.  Everyone signed it.  The service was really awesome though and the church was so packed that there was standing room only and they were simulcasting in the reception hall.  Luckily my Aunt had saved a seat for me so I could sit.  I think I would have been really uncomfortable standing the whole service, especially since I had to pee the whole time.

We drove back home in bad weather.  I was white knuckle gripping my "oh shit" bar most of the time.  We saw several bad accidents and narrowly averted one.  I was so happy to be home after all of that.  A terribly exhausting day.

Since Saturday, my fasting numbers have not gotten better.  They are still in the mid to low 90s.  Today was 89.  I skipped the protein shake last night.  I called the nurse this morning and she told me to up my dose from 7 units to 10 units.  Sigh.  I have another appointment on Wednesday so if things are still not better, you can be sure they are going to hear about it.

On a more up-beat side note, I was really craving cookies last night so I G.oogled until I found a good recipe for low-carb peanut butter cookies that were not made with artificial sweetener.  I was overjoyed when I saw the "diabetic friendly" label!  I changed the recipe a bit in that I added less sugar, some vanilla extract, and butter.  I think mine probably had less carbs this way, but I still posted the nutrition info so you can get the idea.  My batch made 22 cookies.  I had two of them last night for my snack with some extra peanut butter on them.  YUM!!

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...ended up being a small disaster.  Basically I screwed up the administration so I don't know if I ended up actually getting any into my body.  I don't think that I did.  The instructions said that if you messed it up to contact your health care provider.  Ummm yeah at 10:30 PM at night?

Before I left my appointment on Tuesday the nurse showed me how and where to inject the insulin.  It looked easy enough, although the whole priming thing had me a little worried.  Last night before I tried injecting myself, I watched a Y.ou T.ube video and read several how-to slide shows.  I thought that I had it down.

My husband wanted to help, so I had him read the booklet that came with the insulin pen and then hold it for me so I could refer to it as a reference while I was attempting the procedure.  I was supposed to pinch an inch of skin in my thigh or side of my stomach for the injection.  Honestly, I don't have a lot of extra skin to pinch.  I have been walking a lot so my thighs are still pretty muscular and my stomach is literally stretched almost as far as it will go.  I decided to squeeze the life out of the top of my thigh to see if that would work because I was not sure where else to inject.

I prepped the pen as described, dialing it to 2 units, expelling, and making sure there were no bubbles.  I did it twice to be sure.  I then followed the instructions and dialed the pen to 7 units, which is my prescribed dose, and wiped my thigh with the alcohol pad.  I was nervous that it was going to hurt so I was kind of hesitant.

With my thigh pinched I stuck in the needle to find that I didn't feel anything at all.  I pressed the top of the pen and let go of the pinch.  The needle came out and the insulin sprayed on my thigh.  I freaked out and asked my husband to read the "I screwed up" part of the instructions.  Like I said before, they told me to call my doctor and not to re-inject.  I was so annoyed that I flipped out at him for no reason and then stormed upstairs.

I went to bed pissed.  I wasted a dose and don't know if I even got any insulin into my system.  This morning my fasting blood sugar was 91, so I am assuming that nothing made it in there or my dose is way too small.  I guess I'll just have to try it again tonight and hope for a better result.  This whole thing is so frustrating I want to scream!!

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So there is no new news regarding my cousin.  They still have no idea why he died.  The only thing that I do know is that we'll be attending a funeral this weekend instead of getting maternity photos taken.  A weekend that was shaping up to be a happy one will now be a very sad one.

To add some more mental exhaustion to the list, I had a regular MFM appointment today.  First I met with the nutritionist.  I was slightly concerned that I was not having enough carbs due to the fact that when I have them, my numbers are bad.  She looked at what I was eating and agreed that I am almost eating no carbs.  She thought I could add a few back in here and there, but not to stress about it because I have a good quality diet.  She seemed a little concerned about my fasting numbers and told me to talk to the doctor about that.

Next, I had a growth ultrasound.  The good news is that the baby looks very healthy.  I have a normal amount of fluid.  The bad news is that the baby is huge.  He is measuring about 35 weeks, or 5lbs 3oz.  He is now in the 83 percentile.  I was seriously crushed when they told me this.  I went from 63 percentile a month and a half ago to the 83 percentile.

Finally, I met with the doctor.  He took a look at my blood sugar readings and decided that, in combination with the size of the baby, he is going to put me on a low dose of nightly insulin.  FAIL.  He said that my readings aren't crazy high, but that they should be in the 70s/80s and mine are normally in the 80s/90s (with a 100 spike every few weeks).  We talked about the size of the baby and he mentioned that I wouldn't go past 40 weeks for sure.  He also mentioned the possibility of 38/39 weeks if the baby continues growing like this. He said that he doesn't like to induce, though because it increases the chance of a c-section and he would like to avoid that.  I am at least grateful that we are on the same page about that.  I really do not want to be induced early and I really, really, really, don't want a c-section.

After the doctor talked to me, I met with the nurse who showed me how to inject insulin.  She also wrote me a prescription for a breast pump and we discussed the pertussis vaccine, again.  I did not realize that it was coupled with the tetanus vaccine that I  had over the summer when I stepped on the rusty nail in the backyard.  The tetanus vaccine makes me quite sick, so I'd like to avoid it if I can.  I have to call the hospital where I had it to confirm that it included whooping cough.

I have to go back in a week for another growth ultrasound to see how fast this guy is really growing.  I am so upset though.  I have been doing EVERYTHING right and still he is getting too big.  I have not deviated once from the diet in almost 2 months except for 1/2 piece of cake at my shower last Saturday and I paid for that by feeling like total crap all night.  I exercise almost every day (yesterday I walked 5 freaking miles).  I only sleep 7 hours so that my fasting blood sugars aren't too high.  I have only gained 22lbs total, 1 lb in the past 2 weeks.  I don't know why he is so big.  The only thing that I can think of is genetics.  My mom had big babies ranging from 7lb 9oz (me) to 10lb 4oz (the youngest) and my husband was over 9 lbs when he was born.  I know that my mom and MIL did not eat this healthy or exercise like I am though.  I also know that they both gained way more weight than I have.

This sounds strange, but I feel like people judge me about the baby being big, like it was something I could control.  Clearly that was not the case here.  I am so tired of the "wow your belly is huge" or "you still have 7 weeks left?" or "big baby in there" comments.  I want to just hibernate for the next few weeks.

After a few weeks of feeling physically and mentally good, I now feel tired, depressed, and angry.

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A few weeks back I bought some chocolate protein powder at W.hole F.oods.  When I got it home I realized that it said to consult with a doctor if you are pregnant or nursing.  I then put it in my pantry and forgot about it.

A few nights ago I started getting frustrated with my fasting numbers again because they were in the low to mid-90s.  I had asked my doctor about it at my last visit and he said it was safe to use.  I mixed one scoop of the powder with 6 ounces of unsweetened vanilla almond milk and pounded it.

The reason I pounded it was because it wasn't the most pleasant tasting beverage.  It doesn't mix very well and doesn't really taste much like chocolate.  To my surprise, I woke up 2 days in a row with my fasting blood sugars in the 80s.  I think I might be on to something here.

Here are the specifics for anyone who is interested:

Oh and our neighbors just brought over some freshly baked brownies since we helped them shovel snow...sigh.  My husband is going to bring them into work.  I can't wait to eat some chocolate cake, B.en & J.erry's, and C.adbury E.ggs in the delivery room once this little guys gets here!  :)

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I know that I have spent many hours in the past few weeks, G.oogling for information regarding GD.  I have come across a few new blogs that I have started to silently follow.  Most of my "knowledge", however, has come from trial and error.  I have a much better handle on what I can and cannot eat and I wanted to shed some light on the things that I have changed that have made a big difference in hopes that they might help someone else out that is in my place (or someone who just wants to eat healthy and control pregnancy weight gain).

1.  When I first started this "diet", I was way more obsessive about tracking every single thing that I put into my mouth.  For example, I would document everything on "M.y F.itness P.al" and measure it down to the nth degree.  Once I got a better handle on serving sizes, I decided that this was something that I could relax on.  It was causing me more stress to document every last thing that I ate and I think that may have been driving my numbers up.  I am still fairly strict with portion sizes, but I am no longer documenting cumulative calories, carb counts, or fat/protein contents.  It was just too much for me.

2.  I have learned to always pair carbs with a protein.  If I have carbs, I eat it with some cheese, nuts, or meat.

3.  Walking for short periods after eating helps my blood sugars go lower, but walking for extended periods of time (at a decent pace) seems to do the opposite.

4.  Low-carb, whole wheat, natural breads are ok for breakfast once in a while, but not every day.  I started out eating 2 pieces of low-carb toast with peanut butter and 2 links of organic turkey sausage.  I recently did something I thought I would NEVER do and started eating egg white omelets instead.  I really don't like the taste or consistency of egg whites (the yolks absolutely repulse me), but my blood sugars are awesome after eating that compared to the toast.  I have been eating the omelets with some cheddar cheese and salsa on top (and when I have time with onion and green pepper in the middle).  Not amazing since I am not a fan of the eggs, but the salsa and cheese makes it tolerable.

5.  Fish is my new best friend.  I have always been a fan of fish, but never realized how good it really was for you.  I have been eating lots of cod, salmon and haddock (all wild, no farmed for me).  It helps tremendously with keeping blood sugars low.

6.  Green veggies are awesome!  I have always loved vegetables, so this one isn't really new to me.  I know that the best things for me seem to be: asparagus, broccoli, kale, spinach, salad greens, green peppers, and cucumbers.  I try to eat organic if I can, but it can be tough in the winter.  I eat huge salads several times a week (usually paired with come frilled chilled or an organic turkey burger).  My husband makes kale taste amazing!  He sautes some onions in a small amount of olive oil and then adds the kale.  He adds some organic french onion soup and sautes until the kale is wilted.  I usually pair this with some garbanzo beans.  YUM!

7.  My fasting numbers are best when I sleep 7 hours.  If I sleep 8 or 9 then I usually creep into the mid-90s.  Sleeping from 11 PM-6 AM is best, but I can't usually operate on that schedule when I work.

8.  I can go out to dinner, I just need to plan ahead by looking at the menu.  Most places seem to be nice enough to accommodate me.  I can get an extra veggie substituted for a starch with no issues.  If it is dinner, I can even have a small piece of bread if the rest of my meal is low-carb!

9.  I can't really have much fruit.  :(  The only fruits that I seem to be able to tolerate well are berries.  Blueberries, blackberries, and raspberries are ok if eaten at a time other than breakfast and when paired with some protein, like plain Greek yogurt.

10.  I have some tasty favorite snack options I'd like to share!  For my mid-morning snack, I have been having the following (cup of yogurt, 1/3 cup berries, 1/2 cup cereal, generous sprinkle of cinnamon):

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Yesterday I had my regularly scheduled visit to MFM @ 30 weeks, 4 days.  No regular ultrasound, just got to see this little guy with the mini.  My blood pressure was better than usual at that place, 126/68 with the stupid automatic blood pressure taker that is always much higher than the manual one.  I can literally feel my blood pressure rising when I step into that building.  I tried a little meditation in the waiting room, but they had H.ouse H.unters on so it was tough for me to concentrate.  I am surprised it was so good.    

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Even though I saw my therapist on Tuesday, I am still stuck in this awful rut.  Tuesday, as it turned out, was a great day for me.  I worked from home, I ate perfectly 3 hours spaced apart, I didn't test (at the allowance of the Endocrinologist), and I walked for 40 minutes on the treadmill.  This might have been why my session with the therapist didn't include any crying or breaking down.  I was feeling great.

Yesterday was a different story.  My fasting and 1 hour post-breakfast numbers were ok/good, 90 & 98 respectively.  I think I at least have the breakfast thing down.  Two links of organic turkey sausage, two pieces of low-carb whole grain bread, toasted, with all natural chunky peanut butter, and a cup of N.ewman's Own Organic Special Decaf coffee.  It is satisfying and easy.

Lunch was a different story.  We had baked a pork tenderloin the night before with ratatouille (roasted eggplant, onion, summer squash, and green/red peppers) and baked/chopped sweet potatoes so I brought that for lunch.  I had carefully measured out portions and counted the carbs.  An hour after eating that for lunch my number was 147, when it should be under 140 and ideally under 120.  Damn you sweet potatoes.  Guess that is another healthy food I just can't have for the next few months.  After this setback, my mood started to decline.

I didn't get to the gym yesterday and because it was only about 10 degrees Fahrenheit, I barely walked at all.  I don't think this helped me out.  Work was also stressful.  My boss kept calling over to me every half hour to whine and complain about the system I just delivered her.  Can you say...driving me crazy?!  Every time I would hear her say my name, I think my blood pressure would go up.

Last night I didn't feel like cooking, plus we didn't really have anything to cook, so I suggested Chinese/Japanese.  There is a place by us that we go to that has "diet" selections that I like.  Grilled chicken with mixed veggies and brown rice works for my carb/protein ratio.  I had that a few weeks back and tested fine afterwards.  My husband wasn't in the mood, but he obliged me nonetheless.  I called and ordered.  The person taking my order had extremely broken English.  This worried me.

My husband went to pick up the food and as we sat down to eat, I realized that they gave me the wrong food.  They gave me the chicken with mixed veggies in some unidentified type of sweet white sauce.  It looked (and tasted) totally gross.  This threw me into a tailspin and of course brought on the waterworks.  Frustration, anger, annoyance, hunger...it was all coming together at once and was once again, too much for me and my pregnancy hormones to handle.  I completely lost it.  I went to the freezer where I found a bag of frozen shrimp stir fry.  I angrily measured out my small one and a half cup portion and threw it in the pan.  I was seriously ready to smash something.

I ate that with a half cup of brown rice.  It was well under my carb limit of 45g (I think it was around 35g).  Unfortunately my fucked up body decided to throw another one at me and give me a 145, 1 hour after dinner, which was my worst post dinner reading by far.  Normally that is my lowest of the day.  I guess I didn't have enough protein?  I don't know. It was just too much.  I was still hungry and tired and I didn't want to wait up another hour and a half for my number to go down so that I could have a snack.  I said fuck it and I just went to bed.  It was just too much for me to handle.

As I laid in bed last night I felt the baby moving around and kicking.  It makes me sad because I am not enjoying pregnancy like I thought I would.  I cried myself to sleep.

I am worried about going out of town this weekend to MIL's and next week my husband and I are supposed to go on a mini-babymoon to see our favorite band play.  We are staying in a hotel for 3 nights.  How am I going to be able to eat what I need to eat on a schedule?  Rather than being excited for the babymoon, like I was a few weeks back, it is stressing me out.  I don't even want to go anymore.

I have been having some thoughts lately about my miscarriages and have been tying them back to this whole situation.  Was the fact that my body was aborting pregnancies on its own trying to send me the message that my body never wanted to be or should have gotten pregnant?  Did I force my body to do something that it didn't think it was capable of handling by taking meds to sustain a pregnancy?  Did I mess myself up for good?

I am not quite sure what to do at this point.  I think I am going to call my MFM doctor today and have them put me on meds.  I really hate taking anything else, but I don't know what to do.  I don't know if I am hurting the baby more by letting my body go uncontrolled like this or if the medicine will hurt him.  I feel like either way, I lose and so does my baby.

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Normally, I am not excited to go to a doctor appointment.  Yesterday, I was excited to see my Endocrinologist to discuss my borderline 3 hour GTT and my difficulty controlling my fasting numbers.  When I called last week, I was shocked that they were able to get me in so fast and it worked out perfectly because I also had the day off work.

When I got to the office, I didn't really need to wait at all, which was nice.  As soon as I went in I got my A1C tested.  They also checked my weight, which was 140, so I am up 21 total and only up 1 lb in the last 3 weeks.  Thank you low carb diet.  My blood pressure and pulse were both normal.

The doctor came in and told me that my A1C was great at 4.8.  She said this means that the diet it working.  She looked at my sheet with all of my numbers on it and she was happy with most of them.  I told her that I was concerned about my fasting numbers.  She told me that, while she would like to see them below 90 that they were not that bad and that my 1 hour post meals were so good.  The one suggestion she made was possibly putting me on Metformin if I felt like it was getting to hard to control (or insulin shots at night if my MFM doctor thought that was safer).  She told me to talk to my MFM doctor first and have them call her to discuss, if necessary.  She mentioned Glyburide, but said that she doesn't like that drug because she doesn't think it works well.

She also told me to stop being so hard on myself.  She said I was doing everything right and that because my 1 hour post meals were so good, that I didn't need to test every day.  She suggested every-other-day (or randomly 1 hour after meals) and maybe continue checking the fasting daily.  I am totally fine with that.  My freaking fingers hurt.

While I was there they also had me test my TSH (1.16) and FT4 (0.7), which were both normal.  She asked me to stay on the same dosage of Levo.  They will test me again around 37 weeks.

I feel better after going to see her.  She made me feel a lot better and told me that the chances were high that I would go back to normal once the pregnancy was over.

Overall, I think I am doing better.  I have a therapy appointment today, which I am looking forward to.  We got most of our nursery furniture delivered yesterday, minus the armoire, which got crushed during the delivery.  It looks great.  I can't wait to get the room completed and show you all what it looks like.  We are also looking to trade in my 8 1/2 year old car in for a family car.  We are thinking Outback, Venza, or maybe CRV.  We test drove an Outback last weekend and I loved it!  Heated seats, Sirius Radio, navigation, leather...so much nicer than my car.  Having a car payment will suck, but with a dog and a baby, I will need the space!

I still have breakdowns every now and again and I think my hormones are just going nuts.  I am trying to be less hard on myself.  I strive for perfection and when I can't get perfection, I tend to freak out.  My husband is better at dealing with those types of setbacks than I am.  I guess that is why we are good for each other. :)  28 1/2 weeks!  I can do this!!

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Today has been a much better day than yesterday was.  Last night after work I did have another breakdown.  I'll get to what brought this on in a minute (yesterday basically sucked, big time).  Luckily I have some really awesome and amazing friends.  I went over to one of my friend's houses last night and when I got there I was crying.  When I left, I was laughing.  I am so lucky to have the support that I have so close to me.  :)

Last night I did an experiment.  I woke up at 12:30 PM and had a snack of 1 graham cracker w/ a heap of peanut butter, sprinkled with cinnamon.  This morning my blood sugar reading was 89 (barely under 90, but I made it!!).  I had breakfast and cut out the raspberries.  I had a little more peanut butter.  My 1 hour reading was 107 and I had minimal issue getting blood out of my finger (yesterday it was 131, should be under 140).  Baby steps, I guess.

I have an appointment scheduled with my Endo for Monday.  I am probably being overly cautious, but I do not want to do anything that might put this poor babe in harm's way.

A few other non-related to GD topics:

Baby Shower
The reason why I was so upset last night has to do with one of my 4 showers (yes, I had 4 wedding showers and now I am having 4 baby showers, too).  The shower is being thrown by MIL/SIL, which is very nice of them, don't get me wrong.  A few months back, my husband contacted them because he was concerned that there wasn't going to be a shower.  Period.  MIL said she would plan something with their side of the family, where she lives (several hours away), but stated that she had plenty of time to work out the details.  I knew nothing about this.  A few weeks ago my sisters let me know that they were scheduling one for me, near my house.  My mom also told me that she was having a proxy shower for me in my hometown that I obviously will not be attending.

Originally, the MIL/SIL shower was going to be the second week of Feb., so I booked to have maternity photos taken at the same time at MIL's house.  Then they changed it to 1/26, then to 1/27, then back to 1/26, so I have to cancel the photo shoot.  They sent out virtual invites and FB invites last week.  Call me old fashioned, but that made me upset.  Like they didn't have the time or desire to make real ones.  They invited some of my friends that live near me, this week.  They invited friends that were already invited to other shower, which was confusing to my friends and they felt bad for not being able to attend since they had not yet received the other paper invite from my sisters.  They didn't invite other MIL (husband's step mother).  After sending out the virtual invites they changed the date.  They haven't asked for my input on food so I probably won't be able to eat anything.  Yesterday SIL informed me that only 6 people can make it to that shower (not including MIL/SIL) and she was wondering if I wanted to just cancel it.  None of my FIL's side can make it apparently.  How depressing.  I am not even sure what to do about this situation.  I don't want to go anymore.  I am not sure why they even offered to throw a shower if they were not really interested in putting thought into it.  Ugh.

Another Pregnancy Announcement
Those of you that have been following my blog for a while might remember me mentioning a girl at work who really upset me when she commented on my "size" after my first miscarriage.  Basically she asked me if I was pregnant in front of other co-workers after I had already told her, behind closed doors when she asked, that I was not.  I was humiliated by that.  She has since apologized and I have moved on.  She has become a friend actually and was very supportive earlier on in my pregnancy, surprisingly.

Over the past few months we have talked about her and her lack of a desire to get pregnant, but her husband having the opposite desire.  She talked about her reasons for not wanting kids, none of which I could ever relate to.  They have money.  She is my age, but still likes to party and go out regularly.  She used to smoke.  She doesn't eat that healthy and exercises sporadically, but she is really thin and pretty.

I found out today from another co-worker that sits by her that she is pregnant.  13 weeks or so.  She hasn't mentioned it to me.  I was supposed to have lunch with her today, where I assumed she would tell me, but she cancelled at the last minute saying she had to meet with a Realtor.

Hearing news of the pregnancy made me insanely jealous.  She hadn't been trying for long at all, based on our earlier discussions.  She didn't even want to get pregnant and didn't really know how she felt about being a mom and losing her "freedom".

I'll end this with the email trail that husband and I shared this morning regarding this discovery...


From: D
Sent: Friday, January 18, 2013 8:48 AM
To: Husband
Subject: RE: update
I was right…over 12 weeks preggo…  is it bad that it kind of stings?

From: Husband
Sent: Friday, January 18, 2013 9:54 AM
To: D
Subject: RE: update
I don’t understand this comment, right about what?  What stings?

From: D
Sent: Friday, January 18, 2013 9:58 AM
To: Husband
Subject: RE: update
I was right that she is pregnant.  Just that it was so easy for her and she didn’t really want it that bad to begin with.  Also because she isn’t the healthiest.  I dunno.  It is irrational.  This is why I see a therapist.

From: Husband
Sent: Friday, January 18, 2013 10:05 AM
To: D
Subject: RE: update
I don’t think it’s irrational at all.  It’s not a feeling you want to dwell on or think about too much, but it’s not irrational.  Just be happy with where we’re at.  I’d rather have gone through what we have gone through and have a baby who is going to be adored than to be on the fence about it and then be stuck with a baby like it or not.  Very soon we will have a beautiful little baby boy and nothing else in the world will matter.

From: D
Sent: Friday, January 18, 2013 10:07 AM
To: Husband
Subject: RE: update
This is one of the many reasons why I love you. :-)

From: Husband
Sent: Friday, January 18, 2013 10:07 AM
To: D
Subject: RE: update
I love you too, sooo much. :-)

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Today was one of those mornings that I would like to request a do-over or wish that I would have stayed in bed to avoid completely.  I'll give a little background first before I start, yet another, depressing post.

I got my test results back from my 3 hour GTT yesterday.  The results were rather inconclusive.  The nurse who wrote the letter stated that, in their MFM practice, one failed test is borderline and not a flat out GD diagnosis.  She said that I barely passed the second screen (and my 3 hour was just weird) so that I should think about self-testing.

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So I am in the waiting room at the hospital.  I decided to do a little timeline of events since so many people have asked what the 3 hour GTT is and how it affects people.  I am going to be the real life guinea pig for anyone that wants or cares to know.  Here goes:

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