I decided that the only way that I am really going to have time to regularly get in a workout is to buy a treadmill, so that is what I did.  After hearing many jokes about how I could spend much less money and buy a laundry rack, I decided to prove them all wrong and take the plunge.  I shelled out $1500 (more like $2200 once you figure in the warranty, tax, and delivery/set-up) and had my husband frame me out a small room in our dungeon of a basement that I am calling my "work out room".  Laugh if you want, but I have already ran on it 2 out of the three days that I have had it and I LOVE it for a few reasons:

1.  I can run whenever I want.  This could mean 4:30 AM when I get up or 7 PM after the baby goes to bed.  It could also mean 2 PM on a Sunday while baby and daddy are watching football.  I can run when it is raining or snowing.  I can run when it is -10 degrees or when it is 90.

2.  I can suspend my gym membership.  I can cut my monthly gym membership down from $90 to $45 a month until I decide that I want to start it up again.  I have been paying for that membership for many months and have only been able to go a handful of times.  I usually only go when it is to inclement to run outside and now I can do that in my house!

3.  I can train for races with less pressure.  After completing my first half marathon in many years a few weeks back (at an 8:05 pace!!), I have caught the racing bug again.  I am so far from where I once was, placing in my age group, but I can conceivably work my way back to where I was if I can run more days a week than I don't run.

4.  I can run with the baby in my site.  He loves his Exersaucer.  I can bring him down with me and hope that he likes watching mommy run like a mouse in a wheel.  Crossing my fingers on this one.

5.  I can continue trying to achieve my goal of looking like I did before the whole pregnancy debacle.  This includes all of the time I spend trying to get pregnant and miscarrying.  I am talking 2010 shape.

After doing a TON of research and finding the Treadmill Doctor, I decided on the SoleF80.  It isn't as technologically advanced as some of the other ones that I was looking at like the NordicTrack models, but it is a solid machine that can hold up to a beating.  I don't really need all of the fancy stuff.  I have my iPad to blast tunes and I plan on getting a small flat screen TV.  The F80 does have a fan and a heart rate monitor.  So far, I really like it.

In other news...

B slept 7-8 hours for a few nights in a row and then last night was down to 4 hours again.  Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.  Good thing I didn't throw out my under eye concealer.

I baked an awesome batch of paleo pumpkin doughnuts last night.  Check out the recipe, here.  They are AMAZING, no gluten or sugar necessary!

My husband and I finally had sex.  TMI maybe, but this has been an issue causing me huge anxiety with regards to pain in the past few months.  Only took 6 months!  I think I have gotten past the pain though.  Take that scar tissue!!

I keep forgetting to take my birth control.  Let's hope that the breastfeeding is working as my backup (gulp), because we all know how that works.  You had so much trouble the first time and then baby #2 comes as a surprise...

Speaking of breastfeeding, my co-worker is back from maternity leave.  She can't seem to figure out that you need to pump on a schedule and the lactation dungeon has no Outlook calendar for scheduling.  Lucky me had to pump in the bathroom last week for the first time ever because she was in the room for an hour and I was in pain.  Terribly annoying and gross.  I hope I never have to do that again.


And that's a wrap.  Hope you all have a fabulous week!

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You may be wondering what the heck dyspareunia is.  Sounds like a really bad disease.  Luckily it is just a fancy word for painful intercourse, something that I have unfortunately become a victim of.  I made a return to my old GYN this morning.  It was weird going to the place where I last went 2 years ago to have a D&C on such different terms.  Sitting in the waiting room amongst many preggos and babies, I finally felt at peace.  No anger, no sadness, no frustration.  I even made friends with the cutest 15 month old baby.

I definitely confused the heck out the medical staff with my current situation.  The last time I saw them was in December of 2011.  I had my second miscarriage and was there for a follow-up where the doctor proceeded to tell me that there was nothing wrong with me and to keep trying.  Well, thanks to the fact that I have a PPO, I made the decision to see a RE on my own and did not tell them.  One miscarriage, several months of fertility treatment, a pregnancy, and a c-section later, I was back.  Because their medical system is not on the same system as the RE/OB that I was seeing, I had to hash out the long and painful story of the last year and a half in medical terms, twice (once to the nurse and once to the doctor).

I thought I would get a lecture about how I should not have taken matters into my own hands, but the nurse didn't really care and the doctor was really nice and understanding.  He spent a lot of time trying to understand what I had gone through.  I think we talked for at least 20 minutes about everything.

He took a look at my incision and said it looked fine.  He commented on how low it was but made the inference that, based on the situation with B getting stuck in my pelvis, was the reason.  Next I had the lovely metal speculum inserted (OUCH!) so that they could do a culture to make sure I did not have some type of infection.  After that was the lovely internal exam.  He did a few tests to see where I felt the pain.  It ended up being at the back of my vag/perineum area where I whelped in pain.  He felt around my uterus and cervix to feel for adhesions or obvious scar tissue sticking out, but he found nothing, which was good.  I also had no pain associated with that part of the exam, which he said was good.

Based on the exam he made the assumption that my issue is muscle tension from lack of use (haha) and now mental association causing the muscles to tense even more after having had one painful experience.  Basically, now I am expecting it to hurt so I am not enjoying it and not relaxing the muscles.  He also said that the mini-pill and breastfeeding will kill your desire along with exhaustion.  He mentioned that it was a myth that all women are "ready" for sex again 6 weeks postpartum.  He said it usually takes much longer.  Even after making this "diagnosis" he decided that he still wants me to have an ultrasound on 8/30 to make sure I don't have anything else going on that he can't feel.  Basically, because of my 2 D&Cs and c-section my uterus could have some scarring that would be better found now rather than later when I want to try to get pregnant again.  Fine by me.

So I guess the good news is that there doesn't appear to be anything seriously wrong with me.  I guess I'll find out for sure in a few weeks.  The doctor told me to use lots of lube (duh) and to work at it slowly when I am not stressed out.  Haha.  I am always stressed about something!  

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This is a tough subject for me to write about because I am still struggling with my "new" post-baby body.  I struggled while I was pregnant at times, but I think it has been more difficult since little B arrived.  I am almost 14 1/2 weeks out and I still have a sizable mommy pooch, although it is definitely smaller than it was just a month ago.  By the time late afternoon rolls around, I look like I am about 4-5 months pregnant.  It is really depressing until I look at my amazing little miracle boy (I added a pic of him) and then I feel a little bit better.

I have been in physical therapy for my diastasis recti for several weeks now and I was doing so well with it.  I had gone from a 4 finger separation to an almost 2 finger separation.  I had exercises that I was doing every night until I started back to work last week.  Something had to give and unfortunately, it was the PT exercises.  I have been vowing to get back to them this week because I really think they are working and I really love my physical therapist.  She is so nice and helpful and she believes that I can get back most of my pre-baby shape.   

Last night was the first night that I got a chance to go to the gym.  B has gone down to sleep at 6:30 PM for the past 2 nights so, I crammed myself into my bathing suit (it was a tight squeeze) and scurried out as fast as I could once I knew that my husband was armed with the video monitor and the Angelcare monitor. I planned on doing the pool exercises that my physical therapist had given me in the 4 ft section of the pool.  Too bad that there were 30, 10 year old Asian exchange students using that same section of pool.  I got splashed, my borrowed workout gear (kick-board, foam weights, noodle) was stolen, and I was asked all sorts of questions about what I was doing by a 5 year old girl.  Normally I would have been totally peeved, but I was able to keep a smile and continue my workout.  I was there, working out, and that's all that mattered.

When I look at my stomach in the mirror I really don't like what I see and I feel guilty that I don't like what I see.  I should be ecstatic that I have my healthy baby boy and not focusing on my stupid lack of abs.  My linea negra is still very pronounced and I have so many indentations from the stretching.  I am not sure if they are stretch marks or not because they have no color, but regardless, they are unsightly.  My brown belly button has almost disappeared, thank God!  My c-section scar is slightly pink, but no longer as dark and pronounced as it was.  The feeling is s...l...o...w...l...y coming back to that area.

Speaking of the feeling coming back to that area...  While actual feeling may be coming back, there is nothing else going on down there.  My husband and I have tried twice (unsuccessfully) to have sex since the baby was born.  I am not sure it is lack of lubrication due to breastfeeding and birth control or if I have some scar tissue and adhesions, but sex was so freaking painful I wanted to cry.  Not to mention I have absolutely no sex drive, AT ALL.  I am now scared to even try which makes things oh so much more enjoyable!  I figured that having a c-section would make this a non-issue, but I was totally wrong!  I think we'll give it one more try and if I am still in pain, then off to the GYN it is.  I haven't seen them since my second miscarriage.  They don't even know that I was pregnant and had a baby.  That will be an interesting conversation. 

I also keep messing up the birth control pill.  I took that damn thing for 10 years straight at 12 PM EVERY DAY and I only ever screwed it up one time that I can remember because I forgot the pack at home.  With this pill, I have screwed up so many times already.  I forget to take it 3-4 times a month.  Not good for someone who, medically, should not get pregnant again for at least another 8 months. 

Still no period yet.  I have had some EWCM, several times and have been crampy and bloated, but still no period.  I am quite ok with that.  It is weird that the start of my last period was July 5, 1012.  I haven't had a period in over a year!

I haven't weighed myself in a few weeks, but I'd guess that I am back to around 128 lbs.  Still not at my goal weight, but I am still breastfeeding and that is by far more important to me that losing the weight right away.  I'd rather continue feeding my baby then look like Giselle (ok I'll never look like her, but I think you catch my drift!).

Here is a pic of me now, 14 1/2 weeks out.  I still have a ways to go, but when I compare it with a  few months ago, I feel a lot better.  Any one else with post-baby body issues that feels totally guilty about it?  

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