Gone, but never forgotten

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Last year on October 15, I had enough time on my hands to go out to the store to purchase 3 candles, which I lit in honor of my three babies that never made it into my arms.  This year, I didn't have time to get anything new, but thankfully, those candles that I bought for last year are still sitting on a self in my dining room.  We lit them around 7 PM, right after putting B down for the night (he must have known mommy needed to do something because he fell asleep so fast).  Those candles have been lit and put in the center of the table during all of the holidays that we celebrate in our home.  It gives me comfort for some reason, knowing that my three babies are with me, in spirit.

I think that I have mentioned this is a prior post, but I feel like I think about my lost babies less and less now that I have B.  He keeps me busy all the time and brings us so much joy and happiness.  Maybe this is just the normal progression of things when you are dealing with a loss.  After all, I lost my Dad more than seven years back and while I do think about him on certain occasions (like the holidays and his birth/death dates) , I feel like it isn't as often as it used to be.  This is also sad.

I am thankful to Robyn Bear for setting aside a day to remember those babies who were conceived, but never made it into this world.  Since the generally recognized statistic is 1 in 4 women having a miscarriage sometime in their life, there are so many babies that deserve at least a moment of remembrance.  So many women still don't feel comfortable with being open about their feeling regarding the loss of unborn or stillborn babies.  I think this is due to the fact that there are a lot of people out there who don't think that dealing with the loss of someone you didn't actually get to meet isn't the same as losing someone who was living on the earth for even a short period of time.  Anyone who has suffered a miscarriage or given birth to a stillborn baby knows that isn't true at all.  From the moment you see the pink line on the pregnancy test, that baby is a part of your life and you start the mother/child bonding process.  I am not sure if I have ever seen a love as strong as that of love that a mother has for her child, born alive or sleeping.  The grief that ensues after losing a baby cuts deep and often the grief is kept inside because it isn't (generally) socially accepted.

Yesterday, I noticed quite a few people putting up FB messages regarding Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness.  It is sad to know that so many have been touched by it, but it is nice to see people opening up about it and sharing their grief with others.  The more we are open about this and talk about it, the better we will feel.

I am lucky to have found some incredibly amazing ladies to share my grief with in that of a group of girls from BBC back in 2011 that helped me deal with my losses, a group of girls on FF in 2012 who helped me get through my pregnancy with B, and so many lovely ladies through the creation of this blog that have stuck with me through thick and thin.  I never would have managed without the support group that I have had.

I want to say thank you again to everyone who has helped me through some of the darkest times in my life and has understood that I lost my babies and didn't just suffer three "missed abortions".  Thank you for continually keeping me in your thoughts and cheering me on in the good times and the bad times.  I am eternally grateful to you all.  To those of you that were honoring your missed babies last night, I am thinking of you all, too.  They may be gone from this earth, but they will never ever be forgotten.  XOXO    

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One Response to “Gone, but never forgotten”

  1. What a beautiful post! It brought tears to my eyes. Remembering your babies alongside you...