Marathon training and CrossFit training collision

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

I am currently knee-deep in NYC marathon training and, let me tell you, the cards have definitely been stacked against me, once again.  My husband and I have managed to keep, what I have viewed as a fair schedule for the last couple of weeks.  Yes, there have been days when I feel like his workouts have been ill-timed or ridiculously long, but other than that, we have both been able to train for our respective sports while still managing the baby, the house, the pets, our jobs, etc.

Here is an example of my workout schedule for this week:

Monday- 6 miles (easy)
Tuesday- Track workout of 400 (90 sec rest), 400 (2:30 rest), 800 (90 sec rest) x 3, with a 1 mile warm-up and 1 mile cool-down
Wednesday- OFF
Thursday- 6 miles with 3 miles at tempo pace (1/2 marathon to marathon pace)
Friday- 45-60 min (easy)
Saturday- 16 miles
Sunday- 30-45 min (easy) and/or cross-train

I usually do my Mon/Thursday workouts right after work at 5 PM and my husband spends time with the baby (feeds him dinner and bathes him) and then I take over so that he can leave around 6:30 PM for his workout for which he usually doesn't return until almost 9 PM or later.  My Mon/Thursday runs take between 45-55 minutes and I always forgo stretching so that I can get back to see B.

Tuesday is the only night that I have to go run at a specific time because I run with a group of people.  I have to leave at 6:10 PM to get there on time, so this is the ONE day that I have requested that he take off.  If I could change the schedule and make everyone meet on Wednesday, I would, but I am not making the schedule.  Before I leave, I usually help feed B and occasionally bathe him, too.

Wednesdays, I usually take off so my husband is free to go to train whenever he wants, but he usually doesn't go until 6:30 PM.

Fridays, I usually run at lunch unless there is a baby doctor appointment or some other appointment that day.  If I can't run at lunch then I run with the baby in the jogger after work or occasionally pull a Mon/Thurs schedule kind of day.  My husband is (usually) free to train whenever he wants.

Saturday mornings are my long runs (up to 22 miles by Sept/Oct).  I have been getting on the road between 5 AM and 5:30 AM so that I can be back in time for my husband to go and workout at at 8 AM.  He usually goes around 8 AM and doesn't come back until 11 AM, at which point we all start the rest of our day, together.

Sundays are our only day to "sleep in".  Usually B has other plans, but occasionally we get to sleep until 7-7:30 AM.  Occasionally we do a family workout and run together with B in the jogger or do some other type of cross-training workout.

So most of you reading this are probably exhausted after reading this because I feel exhausted after typing it.  It may seem fair to you or you may think, sheesh, that guys really does long workouts (the thought I usually have).  Last night we ran into an issue, which I feel like we have run into before.  My husband is not a fan of my Tuesday night workouts because he says that it screws up the whole week for him.  I thought that we had come to an agreement that Tuesdays were MY day.  The one day that I can go and workout with others and not feel like I have to rush back.  Apparently, there was no agreement.

My MIL is still watching the baby on Mon/Tues until the end of the month.  When she decided she wanted to do this, she told us that she was here to watch the baby and that we should never feel bad about doing so while she was there.  Well, I think she came to the realization that he is a lot more work than she thought and come 4:30 PM, she is ready to hand him over to his rightful owners.  My husband has been sneakily getting his mom to watch the baby on Tuesdays so that he can slink out of the house at 5 PM to go workout.  He doesn't get back until around 7 PM, so I am left with the uncomfortable job of leaving the baby with Meme after she has already watched him all day.  I feel guilty and terrible when I leave.  My husband doesn't mind because, when he leaves, I'm there.

After work last night (after thinking we had an agreement about Tuesdays since we had gotten into a fight about it the previous week), my husband, MIL, SIL, and I were all sitting in the living room watching B when my husband asked his mom if she would mind watching B while he went to workout.  She didn't sound like she had even the slightest bit of interest in that idea.  If she had said, "Yes!  I'd love to," then maybe I would not be typing this right now, but she definitely did not sound excited.  I glared at him and told him that I thought we decided that he was taking the day off, but he shrugged off my comment and kept talking about working out.  I asked him politely not to go, but he kept pressing it.  I told him quietly that I didn't feel comfortable having this conversation in front of his family so he decided to be passive-aggressive and say, "Fine.  I won't go." so as to make me feel as guilty as possible.  He even threw in an, "my workout schedule for the week is ruined."  Of course steam started flowing out of my nose and ears.

To make a long story short, he didn't go, but not because he remembered our conversation from the previous week.  In fact, he said he could not recall said conversation.  I went to my running workout feeling guilty as ever and did not perform well and didn't have a great time because I kept thinking about this situation.

When I got back at around 8:30 PM, the house was dark, the front light was out, and the door was locked.  I got inside and everything was quiet.  I went upstairs to find my husband in bed...sleeping.  B's lunches were not packed, his cups dirty, the dirty pump parts in the sink, the cats milling around, the dog begging to be let outside.  To me, this was the ultimate F.U.  I have to get up at 4:30 AM so that I can get to work early enough to be able to pick B up from daycare, plus 90 percent of the time I am up with him at least once a night.  Yes, I know I choose to do this work-out once a week so I get back late and have a little scrambling to do and have to deal with less sleep.  I get that.  What I don't get is why he wants to (seemingly) make my life more difficult on this particular night.    

So of course B was also up all night last night.  Some type of almost 16 month old sleep regression situation going on.  So on top of being super angry, I had to deal with that.  I guess it is still TBD how we decide to work this situation out since we can't seem to come to a compromise that works for both of us.  Is it me?  Is it him?  Is it both of us?  Should we both give up the notion of being able to train for anything and just go back to working out to prevent us from becoming unhealthy?  I am not sure if our situation is unique, but it would be great to get some advice or feedback on how you all make it work (without divorce!).

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5 Responses to “Marathon training and CrossFit training collision”

  1. D, it's him. Sorry, but hubby is being an ass. You give him HUGE swaths of time the rest of the week. HUGE!!! Tuesday is the one day you asked for and he's choosing to not support you. I'm so sorry that he chose to dump on you. But I think you're entitled to an explanation for why he feels like he can't support you. You don't deserve that from a partner.

    1. Thank you for understanding! Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy over here...

  2. I agree he seems to train all the time would do my head in. If he was working or studying or I don't know doing something that was for his family it seem more fair but just to go to the gym?

  3. My life and priorties are different than yours, but I still feel like sharing our tools might help.

    In our family, once a year we have a family 'summit.' (I used to have to con my hubby into it, but now he likes it!:) Before hand, we both take some time writing out our long term and short term goals and plans. Then at the meeting, we plan it out. We plan when our vacations will be, our budget and our weekly schedule outline. Before his accident, one of my husbands goals was mountain biking, so we took a realistic goal of when and how that fit into the schedule. Almost always there has to be compromise. For example, if you both want to train, you can divide the time available equally. If someone wants more time, they can choose to pay a baby sitter, or someone to do their chores ot whatever to free up that time. (In our household budget we both have line items of 'our' money that we can do whatever we want with outside of regular expenses, things like this come out of that budget to keep things equitable.)

    For me, having a plan is one of the most important aspects. Then we revisit it as needed. Seeing it on paper helps a lot. It's hard to remember when you are feeling upset (rightfully so), but the goal is to help everyone achieve their goals as much as possible. Good luck!

  4. I'm afraid I can't see his point. It just seems to me that he's being incredibly selfish in not honouring your need to have him watch the baby for ONE night a week. I get that he enters cross fit competitions, but could he not lay off on the training just a bit until your marathon is over? If I'm being completely honest, I'm concerned that cross fit is the main priority in his life when it should be his family.

    As for training for both of you, you'll both have to assess how important it means to you and how much you're willing to sacrifice for it. Everyone has different priorities and I can't tell you what's right or wrong for your life. All I can tell you is that for me, I would feel completely burned out by your schedule and I'd probably hold off on entering any events until my child was older. But this is coming from someone who is much less motivated than you! :) Good luck with whatever you decide.