The grass is always greener

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

I feel like I have spent the last year of my life wishing I had a baby.  Looking longingly at young families and wishing that I had what they had.  I have hoped for it and prayed for it.  Meanwhile, around me, there seems to be a great baby-boom going on.  I have heard other friends excited pregnancy announcements and then attended their baby showers.  I have gotten their birth announcement cards and visited them while they were on maternity leave.  I have picked out little outfits and fun toys for baby's first birthday party.  The jealousy is strong, but I try not to let it get the best of me.  I put on a happy face even though I am so sad inside.  I want nothing more than to have a child.  I know that my husband and I will be great parents.

One of my dear friends recently told me that their spouse had been unfaithful.  I was shocked and saddened to learn that after over 10 years of marriage, one had decided that they were not completely fulfilled with the other and found someone outside of the relationship to supplement.  Besides my friend feeling the grief, anger, and sadness about the situation, they have several small children in the mix.  When asked for the reason for the infidelity, the unfaithful spouse replied that they wished that they were young, unattached, and childless.  They were tired of being a spouse and parent.  This is after the couple did not have the most smooth road before and during pregnancy.  After the infidelity took place, the unfaithful spouse decided that it (infidelity) wasn't everything it was cracked up to be and stopped.  They are going to try couples counseling, but it is undetermined whether they will be able to repair the damage that was done. 

Hearing my friend's story made me so sad.  My heart hurts.  Could it be that we only want what we don't have?  Why is it that things that we don't have are so much more appealing than the things we do have?  We spend so much of our time wishing it away...a bigger house, a nice vacation, more money, a better job, more fun...  Are we ever really content with what we have right now?

I am totally guilty of this.  I have been wishing my days, weeks, months away, trying to have a baby.  It is all I have thought about for the past year.  Maybe I need to take a step back and look at the things that I do have.  I have a wonderful husband who loves me.  We have so much fun together and there is no one else I would rather spend my time with.  I have a loving family that I am so grateful for.  They listen when I need to talk and never judge me for the choices that I make.  I have great friends who I have fun with but can also vent and cry to when I am feeling low.  My job isn't perfect, but it is stable and pays the bills.  I can even say, that once in a while, I actually enjoy what I am doing.  :-)  I have a nice house in a safe neighborhood and cute and cuddly pets.  I am healthy. 

The moral of the story is, the grass is always greener on the other side.  Sometimes you don't have to look over the fence to see what your neighbor has and can look to what you have and see the fulfillment in that.  My husband and I really want to start a family, but right now we are just happy together.  I think there is real beauty in that...being happy with what you have right now.

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