Is this really my husband?!

Friday, December 14, 2012

If you have been following along for a while (or have read my timeline) you'll know that just a few short years  my husband wanted absolutely nothing to do with children.  He did not like them and definitely did not want any of his own.  I actually shared this same sentiment until I hit the age of about 28 and started seeing friends start families.  For me it was sort of like a maternal instinct kicked in all of a sudden.  I would see pregnant women and babies and feel an intense longing to start a family.  This did not start for my husband at the same time as it did for me.

There was a time in our relationship a few years back when I wanted to have a child (all I wanted was one) and my husband did not.  I thought that it might rip our relationship apart and so many sad thoughts were running through my head about our lonely future together.

I think we had only 3 really serious conversations regarding starting a family and my husbands reasons for not wanting kids were (and not in any particular order): he was afraid that he wouldn't be a good father,  he was afraid our child would be born with a serious birth defect, he just didn't like kids, he liked being a twosome and didn't want to come second, he wanted to travel, he didn't want to budget, he didn't like the thought of going to kids events, etc.  From this list, it sounds like he is a terrible and cold guy, but he isn't.  He ended up crying during one conversation and leaving during another.  Those were pretty dark days.

After that, I decided to give up the dream and topic for a while.  I needed to see if I could imagine a life with just the two of us.  We had some very fun times together after that.  We went to St. Lucia, went to Topsail Island, went out with friends, and generally enjoyed each other's company.  I did still feel pangs of jealousy and sadness whenever I got a birth announcement in the mail, saw something on FB, or got invited to a 1 year old's birthday party.  I remember a time when my Mom came to visit.  We walked with my dog to the beach and we saw a baby and his grandmother playing in the sand.  I told my Mom about our issue and she told me to give it time and that eventually he would come around.  I didn't believe her at the time.

Then his friend's wife got pregnant and everything changed.  He brought up the fact that he wanted to start trying and I nearly had a heart attack.  I wasn't sure exactly what changed his mind, but I think it was when he saw his friend holding their baby.  He saw the love between the two of them.  It was like the Grinch.  His heart grew 3 sizes that day he met their baby.  I am eternally grateful for her (their baby). :)

So then you all know what ensued when we started "trying".  Yeah I won't rehash that sad story, but you all know anyways.  Now we are here.  Cautiously, but optimistically growing our little boy.

So you might be wondering about the title of this post and what it means?  After our 3rd miscarriage, my husband and I were walking on the beach with our "son-dog" (one of the many names for our Dal) and he told me that he decided he wanted to have 2 kids.  That totally shocked me, but in a good way.  He said he wanted our child to have a best friend through life and someone to be around when we weren't anymore.  I agreed.  I was just worried we would have trouble even getting one.

Last night was my office Christmas party. My husband and I went even though I didn't really feel like it and none of my work friends were going.  It is a pretty big event with lots of booze, good food, and lots of people I don't know.  While we were standing and I was thoroughly enjoying a plate of fried calamari and kalamata olives, my husband popped the following question, "How many kids do you think we'll have?".

I was thinking this was a trick question so I said, "Let's start with this one and see how it goes.  Then hopefully we can have another someday."  That was what we had decided on during that walk on the beach.

He looked at me with a smirk.

I said, "Wait are you saying you want to have more than 2 kids??"

He smiled and said, "Yes, maybe."

I was in again in a state of shock!  What the heck happened to my husband?!  He went from kid-hater to family man?  I mean don't get me wrong, I love this new side of him.  It really makes me happy, but after all of the trouble that we went through (both mental and physical) for this one... I dunno, it is tough to think about trying for more than even one child at this point.  I am still worrying about getting this one into the world safely.  I am sure that I will change my mind though.  When I see this baby being born and then see him turn one, I'll have longings for those kicks from the inside again.  :)

P.S. 23 weeks today!

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4 Responses to “Is this really my husband?!”

  1. Aw that is awesome. What a sweet man. I guess your mom was right. He's excited!

  2. Wow! I want a big family too... But that's not really working out, lol. Go for it!!!

    Congrats on 23 weeks!!! Pretty amazing!

  3. How terribly sweet. My hubs didn't want kids either...until about two months AFTER my daughter was born. No joke! But here's hoping that you can create the family you both want, no matter what size it is and with as little heartbreak as possible.

  4. Awww ... your little bump has totally rocked his world!