Mentally exhausted

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

So there is no new news regarding my cousin.  They still have no idea why he died.  The only thing that I do know is that we'll be attending a funeral this weekend instead of getting maternity photos taken.  A weekend that was shaping up to be a happy one will now be a very sad one.

To add some more mental exhaustion to the list, I had a regular MFM appointment today.  First I met with the nutritionist.  I was slightly concerned that I was not having enough carbs due to the fact that when I have them, my numbers are bad.  She looked at what I was eating and agreed that I am almost eating no carbs.  She thought I could add a few back in here and there, but not to stress about it because I have a good quality diet.  She seemed a little concerned about my fasting numbers and told me to talk to the doctor about that.

Next, I had a growth ultrasound.  The good news is that the baby looks very healthy.  I have a normal amount of fluid.  The bad news is that the baby is huge.  He is measuring about 35 weeks, or 5lbs 3oz.  He is now in the 83 percentile.  I was seriously crushed when they told me this.  I went from 63 percentile a month and a half ago to the 83 percentile.

Finally, I met with the doctor.  He took a look at my blood sugar readings and decided that, in combination with the size of the baby, he is going to put me on a low dose of nightly insulin.  FAIL.  He said that my readings aren't crazy high, but that they should be in the 70s/80s and mine are normally in the 80s/90s (with a 100 spike every few weeks).  We talked about the size of the baby and he mentioned that I wouldn't go past 40 weeks for sure.  He also mentioned the possibility of 38/39 weeks if the baby continues growing like this. He said that he doesn't like to induce, though because it increases the chance of a c-section and he would like to avoid that.  I am at least grateful that we are on the same page about that.  I really do not want to be induced early and I really, really, really, don't want a c-section.

After the doctor talked to me, I met with the nurse who showed me how to inject insulin.  She also wrote me a prescription for a breast pump and we discussed the pertussis vaccine, again.  I did not realize that it was coupled with the tetanus vaccine that I  had over the summer when I stepped on the rusty nail in the backyard.  The tetanus vaccine makes me quite sick, so I'd like to avoid it if I can.  I have to call the hospital where I had it to confirm that it included whooping cough.

I have to go back in a week for another growth ultrasound to see how fast this guy is really growing.  I am so upset though.  I have been doing EVERYTHING right and still he is getting too big.  I have not deviated once from the diet in almost 2 months except for 1/2 piece of cake at my shower last Saturday and I paid for that by feeling like total crap all night.  I exercise almost every day (yesterday I walked 5 freaking miles).  I only sleep 7 hours so that my fasting blood sugars aren't too high.  I have only gained 22lbs total, 1 lb in the past 2 weeks.  I don't know why he is so big.  The only thing that I can think of is genetics.  My mom had big babies ranging from 7lb 9oz (me) to 10lb 4oz (the youngest) and my husband was over 9 lbs when he was born.  I know that my mom and MIL did not eat this healthy or exercise like I am though.  I also know that they both gained way more weight than I have.

This sounds strange, but I feel like people judge me about the baby being big, like it was something I could control.  Clearly that was not the case here.  I am so tired of the "wow your belly is huge" or "you still have 7 weeks left?" or "big baby in there" comments.  I want to just hibernate for the next few weeks.

After a few weeks of feeling physically and mentally good, I now feel tired, depressed, and angry.

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10 Comments »

10 Responses to “Mentally exhausted”

  1. Im so sorry! It really is genetics, and it is definitely not your fault. I felt like insulin was a fail, but it's really helped me to control things better, and it's better for your body long term. People can be so rude. People comment how small my bump is for twins, not realising that's a painful reminder that one twin is small. People need to stop and think sometimes. Hoping for a better growth scan next time!

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    1. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I am really hoping that the insulin helps regulate things. I seriously wish we could slap people that can't keep their thoughts to themselves!

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  2. Remember that ultrasounds are just a guess when it comes to size this far along. My SIL was told her last baby was going to be huge. Her baby was measuring 8lbs at 36 weeks. They wanted to induce at 37 weeks but she refused until 40 weeks. She had a 6lb 3oz baby. She later found out that those ultrasounds typically are plus or minus 14oz. That's a pretty wide margin of error and as her situation shows it can be much bigger margin than that. Don't give up hope yet!

    I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin. I'm thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. Sending hugs your way!

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    1. Wow that is a wide margin of error. I had no idea that they could be that off. Thanks for the story. That definitely helps to put things into perspective.

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  3. Aw, sweetie, I'm so sorry. I know this GD thing has been so stressful for you. Please don't blame yourself or let other people's opinions get to you! Easier said than done, I know, but this is so far out of your control. You ARE doing everything right! And I am certain the size of your little guy is probably genetics as well. Big babies run in my family too and there's just no stopping that baby from growing. Take a deep breath and try to enjoy these last few weeks. It will all be okay in the end. It. Will. Be. Okay.

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    1. Aww thanks so much for the support. It means a lot. :)

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  4. I'm sorry about your cousin. That's tragic.

    As for babies - they just grow at their own rates. One of my friends had an 11 lb 4 oz baby with no GD; it was her 2nd. And she is a TINY person. And she ate well, etc. It just happens. All you want is healthy and ok. Don't stress about what other people say/think. xoxo

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  5. Some people just have big babies. I was my mom's smallest at 8 pounds 6 ounces. Several of my cousins were ten pounds (one eleven) and only once case of GD to be found among all of my aunts. I honestly think genetics is largely to blame here, paired with your GD.

    I'm sorry people seem to be judging you. You (and your husband and your doctor and your readers) know you're doing everything right. I know it's hard, but hold on to that fact and try to not let them get you down.

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  6. I wouldn't worry too much about his size as long as he's healthy. Mine is due close to the same day yours is and he is measuring at 36 weeks today. 5 lb. and 14 oz! Over 97th percentile in every measurement. It has worried me but they've double checked me for GD and I've only gained 26 lbs. He is just huge! Both of the MFM's I see say there is nothing to worry about as long as he's healthy and growing they aren't concerned a bit. Some babies are just big. And I get the comments too, "are you sure there's only one?" and "is your due date right?" lol. But don't worry about what other people think. Your docs know best and you are doing everything right girl. You are doing much better than me! :-) So sorry to hear about your cousin, I'll keep your family in my prayers. Keep up the good work girl, you are doing great and I bet that baby is going to be just perfect!

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  7. I'm so sorry about your cousin. That's absolutely heartbreaking.

    And I'm sorry too that you're feeling so badly about the GD and the big baby. Please try not to blame yourself for any of it - you're doing all you can to keep yourself healthy, and we can't always control how our bodies react to something, i.e. pregnancy. Nor can we control how much our babies decide to grow. I'm glad the last scan showed that he's wonderfully healthy. Hold onto that, and stay positive!

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