Catching up

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

I have not been the best blogger the past few days.  We had a really busy weekend, which was good and I just haven't really felt like writing.  I feel like I should do a little update though, so here goes...

Group Therapy Session

I ended up talking to the therapist (group leader) over the phone.  The conversation went about as well as I expected.  She understood my points and said that she was not happy with the way that things had gone for me.  She was most unhappy to learn about my "buddy experiences" and said that she wished I would have brought it up sooner to her.  She tried to get me to go to the last session (last Thursday), but I declined.

I did receive a few nice emails from 3 of the girls in the group.  The one who acknowledged me at the Monday session, the one who had said she was jealous of my being able to get pregnant on my own, and the one who was pregnant herself.  I responded to all of the them and wished them the best of luck, and told them that I wasn't going to be going back.

MIL/SIL Pregnancy Revelation

My mother-in-law and sister-in-law came over last Friday for my SIL's birthday.  My husband ended up telling his mom right after our 7 week ultrasound because he had not been able to tell anyone.  I felt bad since my mom and a few of my sisters and close friends know.  She was obviously overjoyed and wanted to start telling people, but we obviously told her she could not until we gave her the high sign.

We told his sister at her birthday dinner and she started crying.  She knows about everything that we have been through and she was really happy for us, but understood the frailty of the situation.  She also promised not to tell.

I was really nervous about telling them, but I feel like it was the right choice.  I told them that by knowing, they will have to be there for us if things go bad.  They all understood the magnitude of everything.

Husband's Friend Pregnancy Revelation

I thought we were done with the "spilling" of information until Saturday night my husband's friend invited us over for dinner.  You might remember his friend from the last paragraph of this post.  I had not felt great all day and the thought of eating steak tips made me want to puke.  We had just stopped by the soup shop to get me some more of my favorite chicken noodle for dinner.  I felt bad declining yet another invitation to go over to their house.  Their baby is now almost a year and I only saw her once by chance.  I had not seen his wife in 3 or more years.  So, my husband said yes and we agreed that we would go and tell them why I was eating chicken soup.  They did know about the miscarriages, too.  So anyways we told them.  They were also very happy for us.  I ended up finding out that my husband's friend's wife had a still born when she was only 16 (she was in a seriously abusive relationship).  I had no idea that she had been through that.  I just assumed that everything was always easy for her.  I guess that just goes to show you that not everything is as it appears.

How I Am Feeling Physically

Physically I am doing ok.  I am about 8 1/2 weeks.  I have nausea most of the day, but worse in the early AM, late PM and in the middle of the night.  I do have some good days though when I feel mostly ok (those days tend to freak me out and I am happiest when I am sick).  Everything for the most part sounds gross to me, food-wise.  I have had some weird cravings that have come on quickly.  I will eat that craved item (i.e. lo mein) and then I will never want it again.  I have lost 5 pounds in the last 3 weeks due to my lacking appetite.  I have been having regular headaches.  My boobs are on and off sore although mostly not sore at all.  They just feel much bigger. I am not really showing, but I look about 3 months pregnant in the PM with bloatedness.  I am tired all the time.  I am cold most of the time.  I get up about 3-6 times a night to pee.  Probably doesn't help that I take my vitamins right before bed and then take my Levo right before I get up (lots of water).  I have also had really itchy legs.  I read that this can be a sign of a rare liver condition that can cause still births.  God, I hope not.  I am definitely going to bring this up on Friday if all goes well.

How I Am Feeling Mentally

It is funny because I generally feel calmer than I ever have in any pregnancy, but I am totally freaked for my Friday ultrasound.  I feel like this is my true make it or break it one.  If I see a good heartbeat then I can relax a little because that will be the farthest that I have gotten.  I still won't "relax" ever I think.  I have made little mile markers for myself that I am hoping to get past so we'll see how many of them I can hit.  Hopefully all of them.  I am also feeling quite weepy.  Not sure why exactly.  I will be fine one minute then I will hear a song that reminds me of a bad time and I will just start crying.  I think I might have some very low level depression still.  I would imagine that is normal with everything that has happened in the past year though.

Ok that is all for now.  I am excited to catch up on everyone else's blogs.  I have not been at my computer much this past weekend.  Hope you all had a nice Labor Day!

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7 Responses to “Catching up”

  1. I'm an absolute basketcase. I go to the bathroom almost every hour because I feel like I'm bleeding (and it's just CM). I constantly question if I could actually really be pregnant and carry the baby to term... How could there actually be a little heartbeat in there in a couple of weeks at my first ultrasound? Sometimes I feel like I'm just preparing for the worst... I can't relax and enjoy it at all. Maybe I have read too many blogs. I have never been pregnant before, or had fertility issues, or any other problems. But I'm convinced that it just could NOT be this easy.

    1. I know exactly how you feel! For me it is impossible to relax due to my history and knowing what so many of my friends and bloggie friends have been through. I keep trying to tell myself, "what will be, will be". If I am going to have another chromosomal loss, I am. There is nothing I can do about it. Acknowledging that you have no control or very little control is tough (especially for a Type A person like me!). Hang in there dearie. I am following you and I am praying that you NEVER have to experience any issues. Period.

  2. Helllooo, lovely! You have been missed.

    Wish I could zap some of the totally understandable anxiety that you have and replace it with gleeeeeee. ;) I will be gleeful on your behalf.

  3. Friday is going to go great! And I LOVE that you brought your own soup to the party! That's fantastic!

  4. This feels like a good reminder to me that every time I think someone else has a ridiculously easy story, there's probably some real suffering that I don't know about... hope everything goes really well for you.

  5. Hey Lady. You sound perfectly healthy and pregnant to me! I hope the itchy legs is something minor and silly. My heart and virtual hand to hold will be with you tomorrow at your ultrasound.

  6. I was finding the getting up in the night really tiresome...I now drink as much water as I can face throughout the day but stop all fluid intake at 6pm. I only need to get up once in the night now and have a lot more energy. It might be worth giving it a try? Your body is working hard to mould a perfect little baby and you need quality sleep more than ever. I'll be thinking of you on Friday- it'll all go beautifully! Alix xx