I woke up this morning and realized that it has been several days since I have last posted.  It might possibly be one of the longest stretches that I have taken away from blogging since I started this thing in  April.  The truth is, there hasn't been a ton going on with me lately that I have wanted to write about.  I guess this is a good thing.  Normally I write when I am anxious, or nervous, or angry, or sad.  I have been really busy at work lately, so I haven't had a ton of time to write or read other blogs while I am there.  The project that I am working on is coming to a close (hopefully) sometime in October, so I will have more free-time then.  I actually like the no free-time at work better than when I am not as busy.  It gives me less time to obsess over my symptoms (or lack of symptoms) and makes the days go by faster.

Next week, Tuesday, will be my first appointment with my new MFM doctor.  I am scheduled to see the nurse first at 2:30 PM and then the doctor at 3 PM.  I am not quite sure what to expect, but I don't think that this visit will include an ultrasound.  If it does include an ultrasound, it will be with the hand held, most likely.  I am not sure if they will try to use the doppler or not.  I have had one experience with a doppler and it was a bad one.  Generally speaking, I am afraid of dopplers.

My first prenatal appointment in my first pregnancy, when I thought I was 9 1/2-10 weeks, they went for a listen with the doppler.  Of course they couldn't hear anything so they sent me straight away to ultrasound and we all know how that turned out.  My friend sent me her doppler to use last week and so far I have been too scared to try it out...

What if I can't find the heartbeat? Chances are, I wouldn't be able to this early.

Will I freak out?  Yes.

Would I go to the ER, pay $250 co-pay, and tell them that I was bleeding/cramping so I could get an ultrasound? Yes.

I think I am going to wait to use the doppler for a few more weeks.

Today Fertility Friend says that I am allegedly 10 weeks (by my doctor's estimate I am 10 weeks, 1 day).  I still feel pregnant most of the time, which I am taking as a good sign.  With my missed miscarriage, I lost most of my symptoms at 8 1/2 weeks (which makes sense since that is what the baby measured when they found it).  Nausea most of the day, super tremendous constipation for the first time in my life, very tired, weird dreams (lots of sex dreams), headaches, intermittent very sore boobs, peeing a lot (especially at night), thirsty, lots of thin white CM, & lovely and strong finger nails.  My finger nails are normally picked at and bitten because they break so easily.  For some reason they are now long, for me, and for the first time look like girl's nails!

I have not been feeling like eating much of anything at all.  Basically nothing tastes good and when I think about eating I feel sick to my stomach.  I don't really crave anything (except popcorn).  My diet for the past few weeks has consisted of apples, plums, peaches, grapes, organic frosted toaster pastries (thanks to Whole Foods), Honey Nut Cheerios (straight out of the box), chicken soup (from various cans, cartons, and locations), Wheat Thins (however I am losing my taste for them), organic gluten free chicken tenders, lima beans, and plain potato gnocchi w/ Parmesan cheese.  Ick.  Makes me sick to think about eating.  Dinner is by far my least favorite meal of the day lately.

In other news, not related to me, one of my friends found out that she is pregnant on Thursday.  Before you get angry about another pregnant person, please listen to her back-story.  She tried for 2 years to get pregnant on her own.  No periods, thus no dice.  She went to a fertility clinic and they couldn't really find anything wrong with her so they just diagnosed her as PCOS (she has none of the PCOS symptoms other than not ovulating) and told her to try IUI with injections.  She tried that and had several chemical pregnancies.  She moved on to IVF (one fresh and one frozen).  She then went on to have 2 miscarriages at around 7 1/2 weeks.  One D&C and one spontaneous.  Luckily her next fresh cycle gave her an adorable baby boy.

When her baby was almost a year she figured she would try again.  She started trying on her own first and lo and behold she got pregnant on the first try!  Unfortunately she found out at about 7 weeks that she had a blighted ovum.  She had another D&C.

She waited until she got her period after the D&C, excited that she could get pregnant on her own, and then tried again (I showed her how to temp and use FF).  She ovulated on day 46, but ended up with a positive pregnancy test this cycle.  She has been spotting and sporadically bleeding though, which she experienced with her blighted ovum, so she is scared to death.  Her first beta on Thursday at 14dpo was HCG- 147, Progesterone- 26.  The nurse told her that was low, put her on progesterone suppositories, and scared her even more.  I checked Betabase  and found her numbers to be spot on, with the average at 14dpo being HCG-103.  She has her second draw today so maybe say a little prayer that we have a double here.  She has been through so much and deserves for this to work out.