I will start this post by saying that I had a really tough time last night and this morning.  Last night I had trouble eating due to anxiety and all I wanted to do after work was lie around on the couch and watch HGTV (my security blanket).  I napped for an hour or so and then poked my boobs to see if they were still sore because I am nuts (they were, kind of).

I didn't get a lot of sleep last night due to my regular trips to the bathroom and wacky bizarre dreams.  I laid in bed at one point just thinking about everything and wondering how I would deal with a not-so-great ultrasound.  I said a ton of prayers.  I bargained with God.  I tried to talk to my Dad.  Then I started to think about my 3 angels there with my Dad and I suddenly felt a little bit better.  I could seriously picture him sitting on a couch with 3 babies.  It made me smile and I was able to drift off to sleep again.

When I woke up I had to drag myself out of bed.  I thought about ways that I could get out of the ultrasound, but knew I really needed and wanted to go and make sure everything was ok.  I got myself ready and choked down half a muffin and an apple.  On the drive to the hospital I chugged about 16 ounces of water.  Then I had to pee...really bad.

My sister was planning on meeting us at the hospital at 7:30 AM in our usual meeting spot.  My sister has become my other security blanket.  As my husband and I were pulling into the garage to park, I got a text from my sis telling me her alarm didn't go off and that she had just gotten up.  I started to panic because she has been my good luck charm.  She has helped my husband and I to be positive for the past few weeks.  I tried to breathe deeply and I sent her a text telling her to pray for me.

We got to the ultrasound waiting room early and I sat there uncomfortably, nervous and feeling like I was going to pee my pants at any minute.  When they called me right at 8, I was so happy to finally be able to go to the bathroom soon!

The tech was one that I had never had before.  She seemed nice and sensed my anxiety right away.  She asked my why I was going for such an early ultrasound and I rattled on about my miscarriage riddled past.  She squirted the gel and started pressing with the wand and I kind of shuddered in pain.  It hurt so bad because my bladder was so full.  She got a quick look, told me she thought things looked good preliminarily, and told me to empty my bladder.  She said it didn't need to be full anymore because I was far enough along.  I was so surprised because I have never heard that before!

When I got back to the table she started checking again.  She quickly showed us the baby and told us the heart was beating at a nice 175 bpm.  She showed us the head and umbilical cord.  It was surreal.  My husband and I just stared in awe at the screen.  I started to tear up a little.  The radiologist came in and confirmed that the baby looked great.  Measuring slightly ahead at 9.3 weeks.  She asked how far we had made it and I told her only to 8.5 weeks.  She happily congratulated us on getting past that mark.

We met with my RE afterwards and she seemed thrilled (well as thrilled as I have ever heard her sound).  She told me that she needed to release me to my OB.  I told her I was on the fence about staying with the hospital or going back to my OB so she gave me a few referrals at the Maternal Fetal Medicine practice that take infertility patients that have not necessarily exhibited the need for a high risk doctor.  We told her that we would need to discuss it and would figure it out.  She recommended another scan in 2 weeks for my piece of mind.  She shook our hands and told me to call her after I was done breastfeeding and she would put me back on Femara should I want to try for another.  I hope I do not see her for at least a year or more!

Today was one of the happiest days of my life.  I know that we still have a looooong way to go with this pregnancy, but I am feeling better about it today.  I don't have that intuition that I have had with every other pregnancy.  Although I am still anxious at times (especially before an appointment), I don't have that sinking feeling that something is wrong.  I hope my intuition is right.  I would be so curious to know if anyone else has had intuition one way or another with a pregnancy (failed or successful)?  If you did was it right?

One more question to ponder... If you were me, would you stick with the MFM practice at a well known hospital or would you go back to your friendly OB?  The MFM practice is closer to work.  My OB is closer to home.

Here are some pics if you are interested (scroll to the bottom 2 pictures)!  Thanks again everyone for the continued support.  This little one is going to have lots of aunties!  :)