Deep breath....
Sorry for the delay in this post. Crazy morning for me. As you can see, my temp was still up this morning so I decided that I would finally put those tests to use. I honestly did not have my hopes up because, other than slightly sore breasts this morning, I don't have any real symptoms to speak of. I even had some AF like cramps on and off yesterday. Also my chart isn't triphasic and when I search for "Charts Like Mine" in FF, I get 64% ovulatory charts. But, I digress.
I didn't sleep well last night and woke up 4 times to pee (and drank lots of water in between) so I was worried that my urine would be too diluted even if by some crazy chance I was pregnant. Even still, nervous and trying to repeat over and over to myself not to get my hopes up, I put on my big girl panties and peed in my favorite cup (sorry, that sounds so gross). Definitely diluted urine. Crap. I dunked my FRER and Wondfo into the cup anyways and then covered both of the tests with a towel and went to check my email without getting worked up. Yeah, right.
I gave the tests about 5 minutes and then went back to check them out. Imagine me, totally shaking, as I flipped up the towel and saw this...
Holy flipping flip.
My first thought was, can I really handle this roller coaster again? The betas, the ultrasounds, the checking for blood every time I go to the bathroom, the worry, the anxiety? I sent my husband a picture of the test with a caption of "OMG". He had to go into work early this morning. He sent back a smiley. I am sure he is scared shitless, just like me.
I am so excited that I ovulated at a time that a normal person would ovulate and got a positive pregnancy test at the time a normal person would get one. Man, I wish this would guarantee me a sticky baby.
For now, before calling the doctor, I am going to try to enjoy a few days of post-BFP bliss. Some people might call me crazy for not calling the doctor right away, but I just feel like I need some time to digest all of this and be happy for a few minutes before all of the beta analyzing starts. Maybe I will call the doctor mid-week. Maybe, not. I'm not sure. Anyone who has experienced a miscarriage knows that the positive pregnancy test is exciting and wonderful, but it is the next few weeks that are the most trying.
This is my 4th positive pregnancy test in a year. It sounds crazy even writing that. One of the girls at my therapy session last week told me that she was jealous that I have been pregnant several times even though they all ended in miscarriage. She was crying as said she would rather have had miscarriages than never have been pregnant like herself. That was hard for me to hear. I know some might not want to stick around to read and support me because it is so hard to cheer someone on when you are still waiting in the wings. I get it, believe me. If it is too hard for you, do what you have to do. That said, I still really need all of the support that I can get in the next few months so please don't leave me. I am scared out of my mind. I am still praying for you all every day, too. I am thinking about all of the amazing people that I have met in the few months that I have been writing. I seriously love all of you girls to death!
I am praying for a miracle here. Please keep me in your prayers, everyone. Pray that this baby decides to stick around to meet my husband and I. This baby is so incredibly wanted and loved already. :)
