The last time I seriously ran, since starting again post-baby, was in the winter of 2010.  The year of 2010 had been "my year"; the best year of running in my life.  I had gotten my 5k time down below 21 minutes (fastest being 20:51) and had gotten several first place age group finishes in local races.  I was running 35-40 miles a week and I felt great.  I was doing lots of structured runs, intervals, progressions, tempos, long runs.  It was great.  Life was good.  I don't think I had an ounce of body fat (ok, maybe an ounce).  

At the beginning of 2011, I started dialing back my training to around 30 miles a week and started getting "healthy" in preparation for pregnancy.  At that time, I had no idea how hard it was going to be for me to actually have a baby.  When I got pregnant so easily the first time, I had visions of jogging until 40 weeks and then getting into race shape the following summer.  We all know that those plans went to shit.  No one plans for a miscarriage.

Instead of continuing running, I cut way back after my first miscarriage and stopped racing.  I thought maybe my high intensity workouts had somehow caused my miscarriages.  Well apparently cutting back more, didn't help and I had another miscarriage.  Even though my doctor said the running wasn't what was causing my miscarriages, I still continued scaling back until I was barely running at all.  Ummm yeah then I had another miscarriage, at which time I was urged by various individuals (psychologists, acupuncturists, family members, & friends) to STOP running at all.  So I listened to them, thinking that they must be right.  I gained about 10 lbs and lost all of my cardiovascular shape and any muscular definition that I had left after scaling back so much.  Friends, I was miserable.  Mentally.  Physically.

Running has been a huge part of my life.  I started running when my parents moved me out of state junior year.  I joined the cross-country team to make friends and partially because my mom forced me to do at least 1 sport.  Since I wasn't very coordinated, I decided running would be my best bet.  I took to it pretty easily, although I could have tried a whole heck of a lot harder and been a lot better (in hindsight).  I liked running so much that I did track that spring.  Senior year of high school, I was the captain of both the cross-country and track teams.  Finally, something I was decent at that I liked!

During college I didn't run as much as I should because I was either partying or hungover (freshman year) or working (sophomore-senior year).  I ran to run off stress and to try to shed the several pounds that I gained from drinking so much freshman year.

After college, I started running more for exercise and to stay in shape.  At first I ran mostly outside because I couldn't afford a gym membership.  Then once my (now) husband and I got established and could afford the gym, I ran at the gym in addition to cross-training.  

In 2006, when my Dad passed away unexpectedly, I ran to stay sane.  I was sad, angry, and  confused.  Somehow, running helped me understand everything.  I would be pissed at the world, strap on my sneakers, and figure everything out while pounding the pavement.

I ran so much after my Dad died, that I decided that I could run a marathon.  I ran one marathon and then another from 2007-2008  I was logging a ton of miles.  I started getting burned out.  It was around this time that I started getting hurt.  Shin splints turned into a stress fracture.  I got runner's knee and then patella tendinitis.  I went to physical therapy.  I was told I had flat feet and got orthotics.  Then I got piriformis syndrome.  I was a mess.  My body was tired and broken down.  I took a break before starting back up after getting married.

In mid-2008 I started actually training again.  I started attending various running programs with a well known local coach.  He was awesome.  I made some really great friends and got better at running.  I changed my shoes and stopped always wearing seriously structured shoes and wore lighter weight shoes for shorter and faster runs.  By 2010, I was in awesome shape and, as mentioned, had my best year.

2011 through mid-2013 happened.  The good, the bad, and the incredibly ugly.  The body that I was left with in April was the epitome of out-of-shape.  Running was so hard.  At first running even for a minute left me completely exhausted and feeling defeated.  My body felt foreign and loose, like my organs (and boobs) were bouncing around.  Totally gross.  I started gradually increasing the length of my intervals until I was running a mile without stopping.  Then I started gradually adding incremental amounts of distance until I was running 3 miles at about a 10 minute per mile pace.  Depressing, yes, but better than not being able to run at all.

Once I got back to about 3 miles, I did something I shouldn't have and I started running with the baby in the B.O.B.  He was under the recommended age, but had good head/neck control.  I bolstered him with rolled up towels and ran only on smooth surfaces.  Running with that jogging stroller made my challenging 3 mile runs even more challenging.

Once I got comfortable with 3 mile distances I decided to do the next logical thing, train and run for a half-marathon.  Ha ha.  I'm obviously kidding.  Who does that, right?  Jumps from 3 miles, 4 months post baby to a half?  This girl, that's who.  I slowly worked my way back up to 10-12 mile runs with 2-3 other shorter & faster runs mid-week and ran that half-marathon in 1:46 (8:05 pace).

It was then that the race bug bit me, again, and I decided to start running some shorter races and work on my speed.  Between the half-marathon and now, I have run two other races, a 5 mile and a 5k.  I have shocked myself in those races.  The 5 mile I finished in 35:38 (7:08 pace), this was not far off from my 5 mile PR of 35:37 (ha one sec, but who's counting right?).  I finished my 5k in 20:59 (6:49 pace), which is not far from my PR of 20:51.

So what am I doing that has caused me to get so fast, so quickly?  Pretty much by doing everything that you aren't supposed to do.

-Running 3-5 miles at a time,4 days a week at the most, equaling less than 20 miles a week.
-Running most runs at an 8:30-9 min pace.
-Running mostly on the treadmill at zero incline.
-Not sleeping more than 4 hours at a time, consecutively, each night.
-Doing CrossFit 2-3 days a week.
-Being lucky to get in the proper amount of calories because I am always running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

While I was running in my last 5k race, I started to feel pain around 2.5 miles.  My legs felt heavy and my chest ached from breathing the cold air so rapidly.  I thought to myself, "This is nothing".  Compared to all of the crap I went through to get a sticky pregnancy.  All the crap that I went through during pregnancy, labor and delivery.  All the crap that I went through immediately following the birth of B.  Now that was real pain.  Running fast, pushing myself up and down hills and across a finish line...pssssh.  That is nothing compared to what I have put my body through over the past 2 years.

So to anyone who is thinking that they will never get back to where they were before they had a baby...it might not necessarily be true.  In fact, you might be able to come back and be better and stronger with less training (intensity/volume).  Mental toughness is half the battle and friends, many or you have been through the ringer.  Our bodies may not look exactly the same.  They may not feel the same.  We may have scars and changes that we don't necessarily love, but we have fought through, persevered and we have won.  Now we can whoop everyone's butts out on the race course.

Anyone else find that they are in better shape, post-infertility/loss/baby?

Last night some type of miracle occurred and B decided to go to sleep right at bedtime instead of his usual fussing and thrashing routine.  Mommy had to work on the holiday yesterday so Daddy Daycare must have done something special to really tire out my active little tot.  Since B went down so early, I had time to eat dinner, drink a fabulous IPA, and relax on the couch with my iPad and one of my favorite apps, Zite.

I am not sure if you have ever heard of Zite, but it is an app that lets you enter the topics that you are most interested in and it delivers articles from around the web to you in an easy to read format.  My favorite topics range from "Celebrity Gossip" to "Running" to "Baking".  I also have three regularly visited topics in "Pregnancy", "Breastfeeding", and "Infertility".

Inevitably there are stories in each of the above mentioned categories that are shocking (Egh!  Kim Kardashian hasn't yet lost all of the baby weight!), but many times I come across really good articles that I would love to discuss in a blog post, but I either forget or I don't have time.  Last night I came across an interesting one within the "Infertility" topic regarding BPA and increased miscarriage risk.

The articles that I read didn't go into the detail that I wanted so I ended up linking back to the ASRM website for a press release with more information on the topic.  This press release actually had three studies mentioned that were all interesting that the newspaper articles had not even mentioned.  In a nutshell, here is what the studies showed:

1.  The first study, by Texas A&M Rural School of Public Health and the NY State Department of Health, tested the BPA/phthalate levels of 501 couples that were TTC.  It was found that the men that had higher phthlate levels had about a 20% decrease in fertility.  It was also noted that higher BPA concentrations in the females did NOT appear to decrease fertility, but in some cases higher BPA levels were associated with a shorter time to pregnancy.

2.  Another study from Stanford University, the University of California San Francisco and the University of Missouri, followed 114 newly pregnant women (4-5 weeks) and took their blood, which was tested following a birth or a miscarriage.  They found that women who had miscarriages had higher average levels of BPA in their blood. 

3.  A third Chinese study showed that women with PCOS that had higher BPA levels in their follicular fluid, may have an abnormal accumulation of androgen hormones.

Even though the FDA has only banned BPA from certain baby products (including bottles), their website recommends that all people avoid eating or drinking out of recyclable containers that are marked with a 3 or 7 (even though not all BPA containing bottles are marked).  They also recommend not putting boiling liquids into BPA containers or using them if they are scratched.  They don't really mention avoiding cans lined with BPA, which is difficult to do if you want to consume anything in a can.  When I think back to all of the scratched Tupperware containers that we microwaved and ate out of when I was younger...aye aye aye.

To me, it isn't shocking that they are finding out that so many of the chemicals that we manufacture are actually doing way more harm than they are good.  It seems like the cycle is that we come up with some great product that withstands high heat or that seals watertight and then 15-20 years later we find that it causes cancer or other issues.  Asbestos, (partially) hydrogenated oils, mercury...  I have a friend who 15 years older than me who used to break open thermometers to play with the mercury.  If they only knew then what what we know now, right?

I guess the moral of the story is that you never really know what effects the products that you use every day might have on you later in life or on your (unborn) child.  Do I think that BPA had any hand in causing my miscarriages?  I guess I could never really be certain since I did not have my levels checked.  I for one drink way too much water out of plastic bottles because the water at our house tastes like crap and I am sure has all sorts of nastiness in it.  Pick your poison, I guess.

I think the only thing that we can do is to try to live as close to the earth as possible, which seems to be getting harder and harder to do.  Eating fresh local foods that are in season and being cognizant of the chemicals that are contained within the products that we use regularly could only help us.  Check out the NRDC website for more comprehensive information on the topic, but prepare to be scared.

Do you avoid BPA and other chemicals that have been linked to causing issues in humans?  How do you do it?  I am always curious to hear things that I could be doing differently to help keep my family safe.  

I think I have developed some type of a sixth sense when it comes to sensing others who are going through infertility and loss.  I feel like I can find these people now or maybe they find me.  I am not sure if anyone else feels like this?  Maybe it is because I am pretty reserved when it comes to talking about this pregnancy or being pregnant with others.  I still am worried about jinxing myself at 37 weeks.  For me, nothing is certain.  Until this baby is in my arms, I will worry.  And then I will just have a different, but whole new, set of worries...

There is a guy at work who's wife went though infertility treatments and they conceived twins only to lose one.  They were never able to have more children.  Somehow this came up one day when we were chatting. Totally random, but now I feel a connection with him that I didn't previously have.

In my childbirth class a few weeks ago, we sat next to an older couple (early 40s).  I had a hunch that they had trouble, but obviously I would never ask.  When it came time to share information, I found out that she had gone through IVF after having some trouble and was delivering at another great hospital near mine.  We immediately "got" each other.

So this brings me to my beautician.  I have only been seeing her for a year now and only because the girl who used to cut my hair for almost 5 years moved.  It was really random that I started seeing this other girl because it was not who the girl I was seeing referred me to.  Anyways, she is about my age.  She is married and has a dog.  She does yoga.  She is a vegetarian.  We have a lot in common.  I see her about every 8-10 weeks or so and we have really good conversations.  When I told her I was pregnant, she was very kind and asked lots of questions, but I could tell that something was off.  I was (and am) still feeling worried about my pregnancy so I was reserved with the info that I offered.  I just had a hunch that she was having difficulties.  Again, I would never have said anything to her about it.

Last weekend I had an appointment.  I got 2 inches chopped (my hair is pretty long right now)!  I am not sure how the subject came up, but it was definitely organic.  I think it started with me talking about my GD and thyroid issues while being pregnant.  She mentioned that they had been trying to get pregnant for almost 2 years and had a miscarriage around 10 weeks.  It was at that point that I felt obligated to offer her my information.  It was amazing how the conversation developed at that point.  We had so much more in common than I ever though.  We had been going to the same doctor and both had switched because we hated how they treated our miscarriages.  She had just started on her 3rd round of Clomid and it failed.  She had been pretty upset about it.  I mentioned Femara to her and recommended my RE.  She said that she was in the process of looking for one.  She was a loyal temper and charter and used F.ertility F.riend.  I could feel her pain as she talked to me.  I wanted to give her a hug.

I think that her listening to my trouble and seeing that I was pregnant made her feel better finally where I am sure she once dreaded my visits.  If she is anything like me (which I think she is based on everything we have talked about) knowing that someone didn't have it easy when it came to getting pregnant makes it easier to deal with them when they are pregnant.  It sounds terrible, but it is so true.

It is just so crazy how infertility and pregnancy loss affects so many people.  Before I went through all of this, I never even thought about it.  Now I feel like I am sure tuned into it.  I honestly feel like I am a better more compassionate and understanding person because of it.