My chart has decided to play tricks on me this cycle like it did my first Femara cycle.  In that cycle, my temp decided to spike at 13 dpo and then fall a ton the next day and the day after that, leaving me with an annoying 15 day LP and a very negative beta.  After my temp went down yesterday, it has decided to go back up again today.  I still have no pregnancy symptoms to speak of.  I don't even really have any AF symptoms either, though. 

Tomorrow is testing day.  I am really proud of myself that I have not once been tempted to pee on any sticks.  Ok, I lied, I have been tempted, but I have restrained.  I have looked at lots of positive pregnancy tests on FF, though.  I don't know why I have this masochistic obsession of looking at positive pregnancy tests when I near the end of my LP.  I guess I am hoping that maybe my body will get the hint and turn out a positive test?  Haha.  Wouldn't it be great if it were that easy?!  Look at these pregnancy tests and then in the morning...poof you are pregnant! 

I guess only time will tell. 

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So my temp was way down today at 5 dpo (see off the the right).  I know that it is too early to tell if I am pregnant or not, but I feel like that is a bad sign.  The only preggo chart that I have was from my 3rd miscarriage (see below).  It was triphasic and continued to climb up, up, up.  I was on progesterone at that time so maybe that had something to do with it.  I'm not sure.

I always wonder if all of my pregnancy charts will look like this or if they might all look different.  Will my next pregnancy chart be triphasic also?  I often wonder if I should stop charting during the TWW to give myself a break so that I don't have to think about it or over analyze it.  I also wonder if I should put any stake into comparing my chart to the thousands of preggo charts on FF and seeing that mine never looks like a typical pregnancy chart.

For all you charters out there I have some questions for you...  If you have charted multiple successful cycles, were your charts similar all of the times?  Do you put any stake into triphasic charts?  Do you think that there is any way to tell if you might be "a little bit pregnant" by the way your chart looks at the beginning of your LP?  What about at the end of your LP?  For those of you that have charted while on and off fertility meds, did your charts look much different?  This is only my 6th cycle charting, so I am still trying to figure out the answers to these types of questions.  My RE would tell me to go take a hike...she (and their office) don't "believe" in charting.

Thanks in advance for the advice!

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Apparently there is a strike going on with my body right now and apparently I didn't get the memo.  My body has decided to fail me once again and not let me finish this God-forsaken cycle.  Why is it that my body can go on strike whenever it wants and I can't cross the freaking picket line?  Enough with the metaphors, where the hell is my fucking period?

I have had cramps for the past few days and feel like I might start it at any minute except that my temp is still above the coverline and it always drops significantly on the day that I get my period.  Tomorrow is 16 dpo.  Is this just the Femara "doing its job"?  I am now beginning to dig up those fears of Asherman's syndrome again because of course one of the symptoms is feeling like you should be getting your period (i.e. cramps), but not getting it.  Fabulous.  Something to keep me up at night again.

I went for a run outside in the rain after work today just because I needed to get out and express my anger.  I hoped I might knock AF loose.  Well obviously no luck in knocking her loose, but it was good to pound the pavement for almost an hour.  I used to run almost every day, but when I got pregnant the first time I was afraid that running "might cause a miscarriage" so I stopped.  Ha.  What a joke.  I wish preventing a miscarriage was as simple as not running.  I used to be a good runner and take part in camps and get first place in my age group.  I think I even got first place female in a race before.  Now I can barely run 5 miles.  Ok I can run 5 miles with no problem, but it now takes me 42 minutes instead of 37 1/2.

I am ready to end this silly day.  I am praying that tomorrow I'll wake up with bloody sheets.  Ok that's kind of gross, but you catch my drift.

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The jokes on me...where the heck is my freaking period?!

I am definitely NOT pregnant as I had a negative blood draw this morning.  The nurse very reluctantly gave me the bad news this afternoon as I was about to sprint over from work to my acupuncture appointment.  She asked me if my period was late and I told her that it was late by 2 days.  She didn't seem worried and sort of implied that I might not have known when I actually ovulated (ha little does she know I am a psycho obsessed charter). She mentioned that next time I might want to go in around the time of ovulation to have my LH/progesterone tested to be sure.

Rewind to a little earlier today...I received this email from my husband (Yes, the subject of the email is holy f*ck, and this was sent to my work email address).

Holy F*ck My Husband [husband@emailaddress.com] Sent: Monday, June 04, 2012 2:46 PM To: D

[Name of his coworker] just told me his wife is pregnant.  He’s in his forties, has two kids already, 11 & 12.   It came up because he said he’s selling his car and he’s bummed out.  Boo fucking hoo, felt like punching him in the face

I almost wanted to laugh and cry at the same time because this is an email that I should be writing to him.  I am usually the one who is sensitive to these types of comments from others.  I guess it isn't just the women who suffer with infertility and repeated pregnancy loss.

Fast forward to my acupuncture appointment this afternoon.  I braved the wind, rain, and 50 degree temps on my 1 mile plus walk to the office from work.  The acupuncture itself was nice although people kept on slamming the main door to the office and it kept waking me up out of a peaceful rest.  I walked back to the train station from the appointment, in the wind, rain, and 50 degree temps and sprinted to the bathroom.  For some reason acupuncture makes me have to pee.  As I was washing my hands I happened to look in the mirror.  There was a serious dried blood streak down the middle of my forehead to the top of my nose.  OMG.  I looked so ridiculous like I belonged in a bad Halloween horror flick.  I am not sure how many people saw me like that.  I guess I shouldn't have adjusted my position after the needles were in place.  Oops.

Ok peeps, please pray that AF shows her face tomorrow.  I am ready for my next cycle.  It is baby-making time.

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I am not sure what is going on with my cycle.  I was all excited about ovulating on day 17 and now I am 13 dpo, getting negative tests, and I am not even having cramps anymore.  I had pretty bad cramps yesterday and I expected to get my period this morning, but instead I was greeted with a huge jump in temperature.  In fact, I recorded my cycle's highest temperature this morning.  WTF?!  I have no idea what is going on.

I did some research on Femara and longer luteal phases and I found quite a few posts regarding ladies who had longer luteal phases while taking this drug.  Some of them said their luteal phases increased by 2 days.  Apparently a 'normal' luteal phase can be any where from 10-16 days long.  I have been on the lower end of normal, but now I have a feeling that I am headed towards the higher end.  Ugh.  I was so happy to think I might have a 30 day cycle...now that is shot to hell.

I am also still feeling some dull pressure in my lower left pelvic area which I have come to the conclusion is probably a cyst or two.  I have definitely had this pain before in the cycle after my chemical pregnancy and during my last pregnancy.  I know that my sister has also had similar cysts before, as well.  I have only experienced them since being off birth control.

Tomorrow morning I go for betas and then in the afternoon I have acupuncture.  I am 100% certain that I am not pregnant this cycle.  I have none of my usual pregnancy symptoms (sore breasts, runny nose, really tired, really bloated, etc.) and the FRER I took this morning has never looked so negative.  I also just know I am not pregnant.  The last 3 times that I have been pregnant I have had a gut feeling.  This time I don't have that.  I am fine with not being pregnant, but I just want to get on with my next cycle.

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