...and it seems like she never left.  Good old Auntie Flo has returned just a short two years and 19 days after she said goodbye.  Just 7 days after getting a positive opk, which leads to a whole separate blog post, I'm sure, and while still breastfeeding about 4-6 times a day.  Oh how I haven't missed buying boxes of tampons and overnight pads.  The cramps and the bloating.  The mood swings and lack of patience.  The start of a fresh new Fertility Friend chart and the wonder if my body and its respective reproductive parts are working correctly.  Ahhhh the good old times.

 I somewhat begrudgingly told my husband about the return of my period and his response was:
"Well it's better than the alternative."

Me:
"You mean better than me going more days without it?  It has been kind of nice not having a period for 2 years."

Him:
"No.  Better than if you were pregnant."

Me:
"Oh yeah, I guess."

Me (thinking to myself):
"Tell me how you really feel."

Pretty much every memory of getting pregnant, being pregnant, and having my baby were terrible, BUT the result was simply amazing.  My little boy has gone from a little ball of cells on an ultrasound screen to an amazingly curious, fun, loving, and smart 15 month old boy.  Even with everything that I have been through, and knowing everything that I know now, I would not change anything because I have my baby B.  This is precisely why I can't just shut the door on having another child...someday.

My husband and I were walking this past weekend and somehow the subject of another child came up and he was quite clear about the fact that he is good with one child.  Right now, I feel the same way.  I am in no rush to have another due to finances, our schedules, my body issues (that I am dealing with in counseling), money, etc.  If circumstances were to change, however, I might be willing to reconsider.  My husband feels that B is super challenging (which he is, to some extent, but I think that most babies are challenging) and that we wouldn't be able to handle another.  Yes, I don't think we could right now.  Next year?  The year after?  Maybe?  So much can change in 2 years...case and point...a little over 2 years ago I was sitting here wondering if I would ever be able to have a child.  Now I have one and I love the living daylights out of him.  I can't imagine life any other way.  Who knows what the next few years will bring us?  I think I just want to let things ride and see where we end up. 

Time is such a very wondrous thing.  Happy Thursday and Happy AF Day...to me. 

Last night some type of miracle occurred and B decided to go to sleep right at bedtime instead of his usual fussing and thrashing routine.  Mommy had to work on the holiday yesterday so Daddy Daycare must have done something special to really tire out my active little tot.  Since B went down so early, I had time to eat dinner, drink a fabulous IPA, and relax on the couch with my iPad and one of my favorite apps, Zite.

I am not sure if you have ever heard of Zite, but it is an app that lets you enter the topics that you are most interested in and it delivers articles from around the web to you in an easy to read format.  My favorite topics range from "Celebrity Gossip" to "Running" to "Baking".  I also have three regularly visited topics in "Pregnancy", "Breastfeeding", and "Infertility".

Inevitably there are stories in each of the above mentioned categories that are shocking (Egh!  Kim Kardashian hasn't yet lost all of the baby weight!), but many times I come across really good articles that I would love to discuss in a blog post, but I either forget or I don't have time.  Last night I came across an interesting one within the "Infertility" topic regarding BPA and increased miscarriage risk.

The articles that I read didn't go into the detail that I wanted so I ended up linking back to the ASRM website for a press release with more information on the topic.  This press release actually had three studies mentioned that were all interesting that the newspaper articles had not even mentioned.  In a nutshell, here is what the studies showed:

1.  The first study, by Texas A&M Rural School of Public Health and the NY State Department of Health, tested the BPA/phthalate levels of 501 couples that were TTC.  It was found that the men that had higher phthlate levels had about a 20% decrease in fertility.  It was also noted that higher BPA concentrations in the females did NOT appear to decrease fertility, but in some cases higher BPA levels were associated with a shorter time to pregnancy.

2.  Another study from Stanford University, the University of California San Francisco and the University of Missouri, followed 114 newly pregnant women (4-5 weeks) and took their blood, which was tested following a birth or a miscarriage.  They found that women who had miscarriages had higher average levels of BPA in their blood. 

3.  A third Chinese study showed that women with PCOS that had higher BPA levels in their follicular fluid, may have an abnormal accumulation of androgen hormones.

Even though the FDA has only banned BPA from certain baby products (including bottles), their website recommends that all people avoid eating or drinking out of recyclable containers that are marked with a 3 or 7 (even though not all BPA containing bottles are marked).  They also recommend not putting boiling liquids into BPA containers or using them if they are scratched.  They don't really mention avoiding cans lined with BPA, which is difficult to do if you want to consume anything in a can.  When I think back to all of the scratched Tupperware containers that we microwaved and ate out of when I was younger...aye aye aye.

To me, it isn't shocking that they are finding out that so many of the chemicals that we manufacture are actually doing way more harm than they are good.  It seems like the cycle is that we come up with some great product that withstands high heat or that seals watertight and then 15-20 years later we find that it causes cancer or other issues.  Asbestos, (partially) hydrogenated oils, mercury...  I have a friend who 15 years older than me who used to break open thermometers to play with the mercury.  If they only knew then what what we know now, right?

I guess the moral of the story is that you never really know what effects the products that you use every day might have on you later in life or on your (unborn) child.  Do I think that BPA had any hand in causing my miscarriages?  I guess I could never really be certain since I did not have my levels checked.  I for one drink way too much water out of plastic bottles because the water at our house tastes like crap and I am sure has all sorts of nastiness in it.  Pick your poison, I guess.

I think the only thing that we can do is to try to live as close to the earth as possible, which seems to be getting harder and harder to do.  Eating fresh local foods that are in season and being cognizant of the chemicals that are contained within the products that we use regularly could only help us.  Check out the NRDC website for more comprehensive information on the topic, but prepare to be scared.

Do you avoid BPA and other chemicals that have been linked to causing issues in humans?  How do you do it?  I am always curious to hear things that I could be doing differently to help keep my family safe.  

I never EVER in my wildest dreams thought that I would be here right now.  I never thought I would be uttering the words, "tomorrow I am starting fertility meds".  Yes, tomorrow is the day that I enter into the world of the assisted and unknown.  Please wish me luck.

I spent most of my younger years trying not to get pregnant.  I was religious about taking my birth control down to the exact time...12 PM every day.  If I ever diverted from that time I would force the use of condoms as well.  If I was on an antibiotic...condoms.  If I was just feeling really fertile...condoms.  I was soooooo worried about getting pregnant.  Man, if I only could have been that lucky as to have an accidental healthy pregnancy.  Never did I think that I'd actually be one of those sad women who can't seem to have a healthy baby.  I get angry just thinking about it.  Why did I waste all of those good fertile years starting my career, buying a house, going out with friends?

I am one of those people that doesn't even like to take Advil for a headache or Tums for heartburn.  I usually ride out the pain...suffer through it.  After my d&cs I did not take any pain meds to prove that point.  I don't like help from others, I'd rather do things on my own.  It was hard for me to admit that I had a problem with pregnancy and needed to seek medical help.  Why would I have any reason to think that I could not have a baby?  I have always prided myself in my healthiness and figured that because I treated my body well, it would treat me well in return.  I guess that things just don't work like that.

I think I had good reason to believe that I wouldn't have any problems having a baby.  My mom is one of the most fertile people on earth.  She had seven children over the span of almost 20 years with almost no issues.  Granted she started much earlier than I (at the ripe old age of 24), but she also gave birth to my youngest sibling in her early 40s.  She only ever had 1 miscarriage in all of those years, but she was in her 40s.  I love my mother to death, but I am seriously jealous of her fertility.  I never thought I would say that either.

But, I digress...

Tomorrow starts the next chapter in my TTC journey.  Hopefully I don't freak out and decide not to take the meds.  I only wish my RE would give me a little more guidance besides writing me the prescription.  I'll have an update tomorrow.