My husband and I have been communicating regularly with the daycare and we came to the conclusion earlier in the week that we would try him in the toddler room for a few hours to see what happened.  They agreed that his walking, talking, eating/drinking, napping was definitely up to the toddler level, but they wanted to see how he would do interaction-wise.

As it turns out, he did have one issue while in the toddler room, and it was something that I hadn't really thought about before related to independent play and interactive play with other children.  Three months after his birth, my sister started watching him regularly.  He did go to music class once a week and had a few play-dates here and there, but he was largely given 100% attention by an adult during all of his waking hours.  Someone was always playing with him and attending to his every need.  All.  The.  Time.  Even now, the days that he is not currently in daycare, he has either my MIL, my husband, or me to entertain him.  Oh and is he a needy baby.  He loves attention.  

Enter B into the world of the toddler room at daycare.  He was seeking out adults as playmates instead of the other kids and he was seeking them out to entertain him.  Why wouldn't he, I guess?  He is used to adults playing with him all the time and catering to his every need.  Uh oh.  Mommy, Daddy, and company may have created a monster over here!

Anyways, the daycare team thinks that B needs a few more transitional weeks/months to get him used to playing with other kids and learning how to entertain himself a bit more.  It makes sense and I am totally ok with that.  We also found out that a few of the kids who aren't walking are NOT going to be moving over yet, which also made me feel better.  They said that there is no reason why he can't switch rooms in October or November (or even September if we think he is ready).  They said they are always going to strive to do what is best for the child.  I appreciate this type of approach so much, as would any other parent, I'm sure.  I was so relieved to hear this!!

So for now, B is staying in with the "infants" and Mommy and Daddy are going to work on incorporating more time with other kids around his age and trying to encourage him to play alone sometimes...without Mommy and Daddy as constant entertainment.  Hopefully, sometime soon, he'll develop a little more in this area.

Does anyone else have a toddler who likes constant adult entertainment (and no, I don't mean the porn kind, haha!)?  Any advice from BTDT mommies/daddies?

Up until now, the transition from family care to daycare has been rather seamless.  Even though we had a few unexpected scheduling bumps in the beginning, we have settled into a routine at this point.  My MIL takes B on Mon/Tues and he goes to daycare Wed-Fri.  Starting in September, he will be going to daycare full-time.  At first, I was worried about how we would be able to handle the shift to full-time, but the gradual introduction to the world of daycare has actual made me much less worried.

So far, we LOVE the daycare we have chosen.  The teachers are great and very loving and caring with the children.  The facility itself is nice and seems more like a school than a childcare center.  They have a great outdoor space to use when the weather is nice.  Basically it is the most perfect childcare scenario that I could have imagined us in, with the exception of the high cost, but you get what you pay for.  The care of my child is NOT something that I am willing to be cheap on.

Yesterday, I received an email from daycare with some updates.  This is a usual weekly occurrence and something that I look forward to because they always add in pictures of the kids.  This particular email contained a message about the "new school year", which starts in September.  Apparently 3 kids are moving from the infant room to the toddler room, but not B.  As soon as I read this, my heart started racing.  B is 15 months and definitely nearing the end of "infancy".  Why isn't he moving up to the toddler room with the other kids?  I got especially concerned when I saw that one of the kids being moved up is over a full month younger than him and one more of those kids (2 weeks older than him) just started walking.  I could feel myself getting more and more upset as I read through the email.

B can walk (and has actually started running), he can can eat on his own, he drinks out of a cup, he mimics everything, he naps regularly every day, he has (if I had to do a quick guess) at least 30 words in his vocabulary, and understands even more than he can say, such as sit down, pet the dog, take a bite/drink, etc.  He does still take his pacifier at naps and when he is upset/tired.  He is still breastfeeding about 4 times a day.  He also tends to throw his food on the floor when he is done, in addition to using the sign and saying up, but I mean he is 15 months, not 2.

Anyways, in the heat of the moment, I wrote back a quick email to the director, whole I will call "Vanessa":

Hi Vanessa-
I know we spoke briefly about it a few weeks back, but I'm not sure if we ever came to a conclusion on how we were going to handle B's schedule in the fall.  I am fine with keeping him with the infants a little longer, but I think keeping him in that room until next summer might be too long, right?  How might that work?  Would a mid-year shift to the toddler room be possible?  Also, you were going to check to make sure he could transition to 5 days.  Hopefully that is still ok.  If it not, please let us know ASAP so we can make other arrangements.

I didn't want to be that annoying mother, but I also don't want my child to be held back for unspecified reasons when it could hurt his development.  If there is something that he is behind on, skills wise, then I'd like to know so that we can work with him on it.  Also, it concerns me that all of his buddies are leaving him and that he is going to be the oldest child in the room by 4-5 months or so.  He isn't going to get any stimulation and I am sure that there are going to be lots of new babies starting, which will require the closer care of the teachers.  I honestly would not mind that he was going to be staying in the infant room longer, if there were going to be some other kids around his same age.

"Vanessa" emailed me back promptly on Monday morning:

5 days is perfect in the infant room.  Amanda feels B should start the year in the Infant room, but we can certainly revisit that after a few months.  How do you feel about that?

Hmmmm, ok.  I am not sure if I am being super sensitive here, but the lack of specifics makes me question the reasoning.  If they don't have enough space, then ok, I get that, but please explain to me why a 14 month old is getting moved up and a child who just learned to walk is also getting moved up.  What do I need to work on with B so that he will be ready to move up?  There is no way that he can stay in the infant room until the end of the school year in June.  He will be 26 months.

So this is where I am, currently.  I forwarded the email to my husband and have decided to let him take a stab at dealing with the situation.  Too often, I handle these situations, and this time, I am going to let him take the wheel.  My husband is a very good negotiator and can deal with these types of situations more objectively and with less emotion than me.  He mentioned setting up a meeting to talk in person, which I think is probably a good idea.

Does anyone have any advice for us?  Do you think I am being the crazy helicopter parent?  I know that there is a difference between being an advocate for your child and being overbearing and obnoxious.  I definitely don't want to be the latter.  I have also heard of kids getting treated poorly when their parents complain.  I know that is completely unethical, and I am not saying that will happen at our center, but it could happen.  I don't want my poor, innocent child paying for my mistakes.  What would you do?

My little one started daycare less than a month ago and he has already had the disease that I heard all of my mommy friends lamenting over in years past.  Literally the week after he started going to daycare three times a week, I received an email from the director telling me that HFMD had struck the preschool and that there was nothing that they could really do to contain the disease at this point because it is contagious before the classic sores appear on the hand, feet, and mouth.  Ugh, I thought to myself, as I imagined barnyard animals running around in mud with red spots on their snouts and hoofs (actually not even the same disease, but it is what I associated with it...haha).  Gross.

I was at work when I received the email, so I immediately did some research on what I was potentially in for.  Fever, sore throat, loss of appetite, general malaise, and of course, the rash on the hand/feet/mouth.  That Wednesday evening, little B came home with a note about how the Coxsackie virus was spreading like wildfire through the center.  LOVELY!

The next weekend, my husband and I were scheduled to take a trip to Bermuda for my birthday.  It was just a quick weekend getaway, without the baby, who would be staying at our house with my MIL.  I had gotten an email from the daycare the day that we left, telling me that they thought that the outbreak was over.  Hooray!  I thought that we had escaped unscathed.  The mighty powers of breast milk, I thought to myself.  Hehe...riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.  If only it really was a panacea!    

Our trip was short, but great.  It was just what the two of us needed to reconnect.  We missed the baby, terribly though.  Especially when we saw young families with babies that were about his same age.  We vowed that our next trip to Bermuda would include our third family member.

**WARNING - POTENTIALLY CONTROVERSIAL RANT BELOW**

I am very lucky to have my sister nanny for B right now.  As a child, I never went to daycare or even preschool so I have no real experience with it.  My mom stayed home with us.  You might think that I missed out on social interaction with other kids my age and didn't get enough mental stimulation.  Quite the opposite, in fact.  I was the oldest of seven kids so starting at age 17 months, I always had at least 1 playmate.  My mom also had a very close knit group of 7 friends who also had children that were around the same age as me and my siblings so we had regular play dates.  I never felt like I missed out on anything.  I was always appreciative of my mom that she stayed home with my brothers, sisters, and I.

Fast forward back to now.  Unfortunately, I can't stay at home with my baby boy.  Mommy and Daddy have to go to work to be able to pay the mortgage and to be able to afford to buy food.  I would love nothing more than to stay home with him, but it just isn't in the cards for us.

My sister is doing an awesome job with B!  She plays with him, takes him for stroller walks, and brings him to music class every week.  The little over-achiever even rolled over twice yesterday from front to back and is threatening back to front on a daily basis.  The problem is that my sister is not going to want to nanny forever.  She wants to go back to school to get her masters and to wants to ultimately end up with a teaching job.  This means that eventually little B will have to go to daycare.  I am dreading this for many reasons.

The costs of childcare in my area, and probably in most areas around the country, is crazy high.  I have inquired into a few centers near my house and they all have extremely high rates and very long waiting lists.  What is annoying to me, is that my husband and I both work full time jobs.  We work very hard, pulling in many extra hours a week as salaried employees.  I went to college and he did not.  We both make around the same salary (don't get me started on that one), which when combined, is enough for a comfortable existence.  We can pay our bills, we own a house, and we can afford to go on a simple vacation every year.  Where I live, if you are on welfare, you can get free or very low cost childcare at the same places that I would have to pay big bucks at AND you child does not have to wait on a waiting list.  They can skip the line and get right in.  How is that fair?

Like many of my good friends, my husband and I decided to have a child when knew we could afford the child.  We may have even waited so long that it cost us fertility issues, but that is a different story.  My friends and I work hard to pay for the things that we have.  Others around me get pregnant and then get pregnant again and again and cannot even afford the first child that they had.  They then get free child care as a reward.  I work my tail off (and I paid for college myself) and both my child and I get screwed.  I'll basically have to send my son wherever I can get in, even if it is not my first second or third choice because I have a job and make a decent living.  It makes my blood boil.

Oh and if we should be lucky enough to have a second child, the costs go up from there.  The second child would need to be in daycare from the time he/she turned 3 months old.  Half of either my husbands or my salary would go towards childcare costs.  It is sad and it sucks.  Long gone are the days where one salary is enough to support a family of 4.  I am not sure how my Dad was able to work to support 7 children.  We didn't get everything we wanted, but I never felt deprived.  We rarely went out to dinner, but I never went hungry.  I never flew to Disneyland, but we traveled in our van on a family vacation somewhere every year and we always had a great time.

I had a conversation with my neighbor who has two young girls.  She stayed home to watch them or had someone come to the house to watch them while she worked part time.  When it came time for her to send her kids to daycare/preschool, she found herself in a pickle because of waiting lists and the crazy application process that you would think was for an ivy league private education.  Because her girls had not gone to a center for formal daycare and were not on any government assistance programs, they were pushed to the bottom of the list.  The girls are bilingual and they could not get in anywhere.  Oh and I don't even want to think about the costs which my neighbor mentioned cost more than my public college education.

Then there is the option of home daycare.  I have some friends who are going to be sending their children to home daycares in the area.  The problem with that, for me anyways, is that they are not regulated by the state and this they do not have to abide by any specific rules.  I have heard horror stories from home daycare situations.  I don't think I would be able to concentrate at work, not knowing exactly what kind of care my child was getting.

Right now I feel quite trapped and overwhelmed.  I know I need to get on some waiting lists and take some tours of daycare centers.  I am trying to set all of this up while working my full-time job and taking care of B at night.  I am worried that I may have waited too long to start this process.  The problem was that I was too worried that I would jinx my miracle baby if I started looking at daycare centers when I was pregnant or even when he was a newborn.  Now we are screwed in a major way.

I have sought advice from several mothers groups and my friends and they have offered some advice.  I still feel like I am wandering around in the dark though, holding my baby close and dreading the day I have to leave him with people that I don't know, at a center that isn't close to my house, at a place that I was lucky to get into at all, and paying half of my salary to do it.  It is enough to make me sick to my stomach.