No one may find this interesting at all so I am pretty much just documenting it for myself.  After having my first two post-baby cycles at 47 days each, I finally had a cycle of a more normal length of 34 days.  It might sound long to you, but this is the first "normalish" cycle (non-drug induced) that I have had since my miscarriages.  So, that means that it has been since 2011.  Wow.

I am still not temping or anything like that.  We are not TTC now (or possibly ever again), but it would be good to track my cycles for prevention since I have no plans to take any birth control.  We'll see.  I feel like if I take out the thermometer my husband is going to get suspicious and feel like I am trying to pull something.  Haha. 

On the subject of birth control, a few things I have noticed about my body since I have stopped taking it and let my cycles be as they will...  The major thing is the pre-period insomnia.  This is BAD.  I never get insomnia, but the past 3 cycles have provided me with several total sleepless nights.  Not fun.  I G.oogled it and apparently it is a common problem caused by hormones.  Who knew?  Definitely not a problem that I had while on birth control for 10 years.

I also have much worse PMS (my poor family).  I get super testy and more emotional than normal.  I am not the most emotional person, although I will admit that I have gotten to be more so since having a child.  In the few days before my period, I get mean and then weepy.  I never had PMS while on birth control.  I was always super even-keeled.  This whole emotional thing is a new challenge for me...and my family.

I actually have a sex-drive and it peaks when I am ovulating.  I recognize that this is just biology, but I NEVER had any really strong desire to have sex while on birth control at all.  Of course, I would, but it wasn't like I was ever really that excited (nice pun) about it.  This makes things potentially dangerous and condoms a mid-cycle necessity!

Another nice non-hormonal by-product is increased flow.  While taking  birth control I had very light 2-3 day periods which would start with spotting.  While not taking it, I have 4-5 day flow with no warning flood-gate onset like when I was in high school.  I woke up in the middle of the night to blood soaked pajamas during my last cycle.  Seriously?!   

The last thing I notice are the CRAMPS.  YUCK.  I did have them while taking birth control, but they are oh so much worse now.  So much worse that I have contemplated calling out of work sick. 

Anyways, now you all have the 411 on my cycle.  Have a great day! :o)   

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Second (actual) post-baby cycle started today...48 days after the first one.  I feel like I am post-miscarriage again and have no idea when to expect anything with regards to my reproductive system.  Yes, I know that I am not really tracking my cycles because I am not trying to get pregnant or anything.  I am not temping and I am barely even tracking CM.  Some people just like to know what is going on with their body and like seeing it out an paper.  I am one of those people.

I am thinking that if I ovulated this past cycle, it was probably around day 34, even though I didn't take an ovulation test.  I think that my body might have been gearing up to ovulate around day 20/21 (neg OPK around that time), but I just couldn't get there for some reason (well, probably because I am still breastfeeding/pumping 3 times a day).  I would love to start temping again, but the baby still wakes up at least once a night so it would be tough, at best.   

I had a feeling that my period was going to show as I laid in bed at 3 in the morning and COULD NOT go back to sleep.  For some reason, I seem to get insomnia right before I get my period.  It must have to do with the hormonal changes or something.  I also had terrible cramps this morning.  I feel like I am back in high school again.  I have no idea when I am going to get my period and when it starts there is no warning.  BANG.   

Anyways, I'd love to know if any other mommies experience(d) totally wacky and unpredictable cycles while breastfeeding or after giving birth, in general. 

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...and it seems like she never left.  Good old Auntie Flo has returned just a short two years and 19 days after she said goodbye.  Just 7 days after getting a positive opk, which leads to a whole separate blog post, I'm sure, and while still breastfeeding about 4-6 times a day.  Oh how I haven't missed buying boxes of tampons and overnight pads.  The cramps and the bloating.  The mood swings and lack of patience.  The start of a fresh new Fertility Friend chart and the wonder if my body and its respective reproductive parts are working correctly.  Ahhhh the good old times.

 I somewhat begrudgingly told my husband about the return of my period and his response was:
"Well it's better than the alternative."

Me:
"You mean better than me going more days without it?  It has been kind of nice not having a period for 2 years."

Him:
"No.  Better than if you were pregnant."

Me:
"Oh yeah, I guess."

Me (thinking to myself):
"Tell me how you really feel."

Pretty much every memory of getting pregnant, being pregnant, and having my baby were terrible, BUT the result was simply amazing.  My little boy has gone from a little ball of cells on an ultrasound screen to an amazingly curious, fun, loving, and smart 15 month old boy.  Even with everything that I have been through, and knowing everything that I know now, I would not change anything because I have my baby B.  This is precisely why I can't just shut the door on having another child...someday.

My husband and I were walking this past weekend and somehow the subject of another child came up and he was quite clear about the fact that he is good with one child.  Right now, I feel the same way.  I am in no rush to have another due to finances, our schedules, my body issues (that I am dealing with in counseling), money, etc.  If circumstances were to change, however, I might be willing to reconsider.  My husband feels that B is super challenging (which he is, to some extent, but I think that most babies are challenging) and that we wouldn't be able to handle another.  Yes, I don't think we could right now.  Next year?  The year after?  Maybe?  So much can change in 2 years...case and point...a little over 2 years ago I was sitting here wondering if I would ever be able to have a child.  Now I have one and I love the living daylights out of him.  I can't imagine life any other way.  Who knows what the next few years will bring us?  I think I just want to let things ride and see where we end up. 

Time is such a very wondrous thing.  Happy Thursday and Happy AF Day...to me. 

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It is official.  Femara cycle #2 was a bust.  Apparently 8 days in a row of having sex while taking meds to help improve ovulation does NOT equal a baby.

I woke up yesterday to a much lower temp.  I had serious cramps and some lower back pain on Wednesday so I knew I was going to get my period, it was just a matter of when.  Last month I had days and days of cramps until AF decided to show up.  This month I had less warning.

We went to the beach with some of the very few single friends that we have left that also don't have kids.  My cramps had subsided and it was only 14 dpo so I figured I had until at least today before I would get my period.  WRONG!  I took a long trek to the bathrooms because, as usual, I had to pee and hate going in the ocean...yuck.  Bang, there she was.  Luckily I caught it before too much bathing suit damage was done.  Only problem was that I didn't have a tampon.  Luckily my husband had made a purchase at the snack bar so I was able to snag a quarter from him to buy one in the ladies room.  Then it was just my luck that as I was coming out of the bathroom stall with proof that we DID NOT MAKE A BABY this month, an 8 month pregnant women ran right into me.  That was seriously the only pregnant woman I saw on the beach yesterday.  WTF?!

Now on to a few things about this failed cycle...

1.  I ovulated one day earlier this cycle, up to 16.  I have now ovulated up to 11 days earlier than in my previous cycles.

2.  I had a 13 day LP this cycle.  I thought that LPs were supposed to remain consistent from cycle to cycle.  Mine have been 11, 12, 15, 13.  Not consistent at all.

3.  This past cycle was 29 days.  This is compared to my longest of 42 days back in October.

4.  This is the longest that I have gone without being pregnant in quite some time.  I have always gotten pregnant on the first try every time for 3 pregnancies.  Now I have gone 3 cycles without getting pregnant.

5.  I am not sure what went wrong this cycle?  Was it being sick right around O?  Was it lack of CM?  Was it the heat?  All of that money towards acupuncture and eating an entire pineapple didn't work.  What gives?

6.  The only silver lining that I see here is that, because I did not get pregnant on this cycle, I can stay enrolled in the group therapy sessions.  Apparently, if you get pregnant while in the program you can stay, but if you were to get pregnant before the start of the program then you were not allowed to join.  I need this program pregnant or not so luckily now I can still go.  Thankfully my first session is Monday.  

I am now on cd 2.  It seems like there are quite a few other ladies in the same boat with me who have just gotten AF.  Ladies, let's hope that this month is successful for us!

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This morning I woke up to another temperature that was above the coverline.  I wanted to chuck the stupid thermometer out the window out of pure and utter frustration.  Why won't my body just learn to cooperate with me?!?!  My temp was lower for sure, but still hovering just above that red line.  My cramps were still painful and totally felt like I should be bleeding profusely although I had nothing to show for them.

Once I got to work, the cramps got even worse.  I usually don't cramp very much before my period.  I usually get a temp drop, slight cramping, and then poof my period.  I was trying to work, doubled-over at my desk when my boss stopped by to ask me how I was "doing with everything".  She knows about my whole situation and is very sympathetic to it.  She had a few miscarriages and a still born.  She now has 2 healthy kids and a lupus diagnosis.  I complained to her about my uncooperative body and she let me whine for a few minutes.  After my rant I felt better and headed to the bathroom.  Sure enough, AF decided to make her appearance.  I have (almost) never been so excited to see her.  Now those cramps just don't seem as bad.  I am on cd 1 of the first real baby-making cycle since February.  Yay!

A few things that I have learned in this first Femara cycle:

1.  Femara helped to move my ovulation date up from day 26/27 to day 17.
2.  My opk test was positive the same day that I ovulated.
3.  I still had a significant amount of fertile CM while taking Femara.
4.  I'm not a super-fertile.  Having sex 2 times in one day during my fertile period did not get me pregnant (rats).
5.  PMS can last a week.
6.  I probably do not need progesterone supplements.
7.  Patience is a virtue and I don't have it.
8.  I don't spot before AF on or off meds.
9.  Femara did lengthen my luteal phase from 11/12 days to 15 days.
10.  My temp does not need to drop below the coverline for me to get my period.
11.  My total cycle length was 32 days.  This is in the range of NORMAL!! 
12.  No matter how many times I said that I was not trying last month, getting BFNs still hurts. 

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