Tuesday, 1/7/14...

Food
Breakfast
Paleo pumpkin pancakes, turkey sausage, blueberries/blackberries

Snack
Mixed dry roasted nuts, apple sauce

Lunch
Leftover veggie and turkey chili

Snack
Steve’s grass-fed beef jerky, snow peas & baby carrots

Snack
2 clementines

Dinner
Salmon with sautéed spinach and parsnip puree (from a paleo catering company)

Snack
Paleo banana bread (sugar-detox)

Exercise
Went to Crossfit after work and did "Annie" plus a 1000 meter row.  Annie is 50-40-30-20-10 of double-unders and sit-ups.  So basically you do 50 double-unders then 50 sit-ups and work your way down the ladder until you are finished.  I had to seriously scale this workout because I  can't yet do more than 1 or 2 double-unders at a time and because of diastasis recti, I can't do sit-ups.  I did 100-80-60-40-20 of regular jump roaps and 50-40-30-20-10 of plank knees to elbows.  Despite the scaling, the workout still kicked me @$$.  I did NOT run after putting B to bed, but instead put my feet up and watched my DVRed Bachelor episode.  Man do I love that show!  What a train wreck already!

Life
I am starting to feel much better on the paleo diet and don't feel as agitated and hungry as I did the first few days.  Yesterday my milk production was the lowest ever at just 12 oz while I was at work (3 sessions).  Today it was back up to 15.5, which is the lower end of normal for me.  I think a combination of the diet change and the mastitis may have lowered my supply temporarily.  B also has started taking 2 hour naps at mid-day and a shorter cat-nap in the afternoon.  This is producing an overall happier baby.  Yay B!!

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I found a few things out about this Paleo Challenge that I am not especially happy with, but as my husband keeps telling me..."This is for fun".  Apparently the only exercise that counts in this challenge is a CrossFit WOD (workout of the day).  So basically, none of my running counts.  I could sit on the couch and for this contest, it would be scored the same way as not doing a WOD.  Zero points.  For my blog, though, I am counting it as exercise!!

I should probably also let you know about the scoring since you might be confused at what I am talking about here.  This challenge is not without a winner.  The winner gets money, too.

Paleo Challenge RULES
Every day you get a score based on how you follow the Paleo lifestyle.  The winner gets a cut of the money.  There are also a few other prizes for weight/measurement loss and WOD performance gains.

Four Points:  You are a hunter-gatherer.  You eat nothing but meat, veggies, some fruit, nuts and seeds.

Three Points: One time during the day, you had a little something that wasn’t paleo, but wasn’t horrible.  Ex:  Dried fruit, most condiments (bbq, soy sauce, ketchup, mayo, salad dressing), peanuts, hummus, cream in coffee, etc…

Two Points:  You slipped…but didn’t get hurt.  You had a small amount of “not real food”.  Maybe it was a fully paleo day, but you couldn’t resist having a beer at the family BBQ, or you finished your kids’ mac ‘n cheese, but the rest of your day was solid.  Ex:  1 beer/glass of wine, dinner rolls, a handful of fries/chips, rice, etc…

One Point:  Most of your day was paleo, but there was one full meal that you fell off the wagon.  Ex:  Pasta, pizza, more than one soda/juice/alcohol, bag of popcorn, etc…

Zero Points:  You had a bad day and made more than one solid mistake.  Ex:  You had a couple slices of pizza and beer.

BONUS POINTS:
1.  You get one extra bonus point for every day you participate in a WOD (at any affiliate).
2.  You can get an additional bonus point for every night you sleep more than eight hours.
3.  You get one extra bonus point for every day that you take fish oil.

Pretty safe to say that I will always get at least 3 points a day.  Haha.  Ok so now on to my day #2...

Food
Breakfast
1 cup heated frozen peaches
2 slices egg white frittata (from "Against All Grain" cookbook with: tomatoes, shredded sweet potato, onion, peppers, ground 93% lean ground turkey)

Snack
Small cup almonds, macadamias

Lunch
Kale & spinach salad (with: 4oz grilled chicken, peppers, carrots, cucumbers, celery, olives, lemon juice/olive oil)

Snack
Orange
Homemade plantain chips (fried in organic coconut oil)

Snack
1/2 cup unsweetened apple sauce

Dinner
Center cup pork chop with roasted cauliflower (garlic/lemon/EVOO) and sautéed kale (red onion, chx broth)

Snack
TBSP almond butter

Exercise
Yesterday I did the WOD, but scaled since I am still new to CrossFit.  It was "Barbara", which when done full scale, includes 20 pull-ups, 30 push-ups, 40 sit-ups, 50 air squats...TIMES 5.  So basically, the whole workout need to be done 5 times in a row with a mandatory 3 minute rest after each round.  I did half of the workout, which was still really hard.  10 pull-ups, 15 push-ups, 20 sit-ups, 25 air squats...TIMES 5.  I used the purple band (which was much harder than the purple and green bands together that I used the first time I did pull-ups).  I also modified the push-ups to be on my knees, which is till very hard.  I also had to modify the sit-ups due to my ab separation so I did plank knees to elbows.  I was dizzy when I was done, but I am proud that I did that.  CrossFit is a total ass-kicker.

Life
For the most part I felt good, physically, yesterday.  No afternoon bloating, which is great.  I didn't get 8 hours of sleep the previously night though.  Maybe 6 total, broken, hours?  I also think my supply might be going down.  I pumped a record low 12.5 oz in 3 pumping sessions yesterday.  My right, which has been the producer, has slowed production since my plugged duct and now the left is producing more, but not as much as the right used to produce.  So weird.

We had to weigh in before the WOD yesterday and I was only 115 lbs with sneakers on.  Wow, I can't remember the last time that I was 115 (maybe right at the start of my pregnancy with B when I couldn't eat anything?).  I am wondering if this is why my supply is down.  I am going to try to eat more today.

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**PAIL Monthly Theme: "Feeding your child" - I am finally participating in my first (and hopefully not last) PAIL monthly writing prompt post!  This topic was selected because it is National Breastfeeding Awareness Month.  Enjoy!**

Before I had B, I remember thinking about how much I wanted to breastfeed, but how scared I was to do it.  I signed up for classes, consulted friends and family, and G.oogled like crazy.  I was very worried that I wouldn't have enough of a supply for my little man.  I spent a decent amount of time obsessing over this.  In the back of my mind I worried about things like the pain and pumping at work, but honestly the forefront of my nervousness was centered around supply.  Maybe I figured that since I had such a tough time with keeping pregnancies and being pregnant that this would be one more thing I would struggle with.  Little did I know what completely different types of breast feeding challenges that would lie ahead of me...

Like any other responsible mother, I had a birth plan.  I was adamant about sticking to that birth plan.  I printed out 20 copies of that freaking plan and distributed them to any and everyone on the hospital staff that would take one.  Amongst major plan points such as no epidural until I was screaming in pain, no pacifier for the baby to avoid nipple confusion, baby rooming with us 100% of the time so that we could bond, etc., was my insistence on having the baby breastfeed as soon as possible following his birth.  Oh and my greatest wish of all was nothing but breast milk for my baby.  PERIOD.  Everything that I had read warned of the "dangers" of introducing formula instead of or before breast milk.   My baby might not bond with me or he might grow horns or something.  Of course I would be the mom to let my baby lay on my chest following a picture perfect birth and let him leisurely find his way to one of my nipples as nature intended.  Then a silly thing called Murphy's Law came to fruition and I may as well have set that stupid birth plan on fire.

My unplanned c-section was a huge factor in me not following 95% of my birth plan.  Following my complicated surgery, I remember few things about those first hours of breastfeeding.  I remember shaking uncontrollably and struggling to keep my eyes open whilst my delivery nurse tried to shove my baby on my boob, try to make him latch, and explain to me how to breastfeed.  I couldn't even comprehend what was going on.  I was exhausted from a nearly 40 hour labor and 3 hours of pushing followed by the c-section.  The last thing I felt like doing was trying to get the hang of breastfeeding.  I wanted to be asleep.  Birth plan?  What birth plan?  Good night.

No one really prepares you for what to expect in those early days of breastfeeding.  Throw a c-section in the mix and you're screwed.  Add a raging case of PUPPPs and 2 blood transfusions and you're royally (pardon my French) F*CKED.  My hospital room became a revolving door for doctor's, nurses, lactation consultants, friends, and family trying to "help" me breastfeed.  During those first few days I found out that I had extremely small nipples, that milk doesn't come in as fast when you have a c-section, and that if your baby loses 10% of his body weight that they force formula on you.  Who knew?

Giving my son formula in the hospital made me feel awful.  Once again my body wasn't working right and I was going to forever change the optimal balance of bacteria in his little stomach with this "evil" concoction.  I cried as I pumped using the hospital's machine and saw only a few drops of colostrum fall into the cup after pumping for 30 minutes.  One of the nurses declared me an utter failure so I was determined to prove her wrong.  I pumped around the clock and had almost an ounce of colostrum saved up.  When I excitedly went to show my husband what I had done, I tripped and dropped the whole thing on the floor.  Don't cry over spilt milk?  Ummm I don't think that applies to colostrum.  I sobbed for several hours as the nurses and lactation consultants hooked me up with the SNS system and I watched my starving baby guzzle the formula.  F.A.I.L.

I thought that was as difficult as things would get with regards to breastfeeding.  My milk would eventually come in, my baby would get the hang of it, and we would all live happily ever after.  In a perfect world, this is what things might look like.  In reality, my milk came in with an evil vengeance.  My boobs felt like 2 hot rocks and my nipples were bloody with gross scabs.  I leaked (or rather sprayed) every time I took off my shirt.  I dreaded every 1.5 hours because it meant my barracuda baby would have to latch.  I tried the lanolin and gel pads, but thank God for nipple shields or I may have quit.  Thank God my mom was there to listen to me sob on the phone in pain.  She assured me it would get better...eventually.

To help boost the supply I thought might be low, I ate oatmeal every morning, I added brewer's yeast to everything, I chugged Mother's Milk tea, and made batches and batches of lactation cookies.  I even attended a weekly breastfeeding support group!  I would not let my baby and I become victims of a low supply.  No way!

It was around a month after my son's birth when I noticed him spitting up a ton around the clock.  He would choke on my milk when he was drinking and would writhe and wiggle with pain after each feeding.  I was lucky to keep him eating for more than 5 minutes on each side.  His poops were bordering on mucousy green.  The lactation consultant dubbed him a "BK drive-thru baby" and told me that I had an overactive letdown and (gasp) a potential over supply. She told me to stop the oatmeal, lactation cookies, and tea.  The pediatrician told me that it was either acid reflux or some type of an intolerance to what I was eating.  She told me to stop eating dairy, soy, wheat, eggs, and peanuts and to give the baby Zantac.  Oh, no problem!  Now I am that pain-in-the-ass person who has to look at the special menu or needs to lie about being allergic to soybeans because I am sure Johnny Server really doesn't want to get into a discussion about how what I eat affects my milk.  The kicker with all of this is that my baby still spit up a ton (poor kid lives in his multi-colored BRU terry cloth bibs) and still cried after he ate on many occasions.  So much for those solutions to the problem!

Breastfeeding in public is an art that I haven't been able to fully master.  Trying to position a squirming and crying baby on a boob under a hot cover-up is like trying to thread a needle in a low-light sauna.  Not comfortable and not easy.  Dealing with people staring at me makes me more angry than self-conscious.  Yes, I have boobs.  Yes, one of them is out of my shirt.  Yes, my baby is sucking on one of my boobs.  Take your stupid stare elsewhere and let me feed my hungry baby in peace!  Sheesh!

I came to find out that three month maternity leave goes by so very quickly and wasn't the 3 month vacation from work that I had imagined.  I blinked and I was back in the office.  Unlike coming back after a 3 month vacation, nice and rested, I was exhausted and loopy.  I soon learned that I had to fight with the daytime nappers to use the lactation, or "quiet" room, as my company calls it. Pumping every 3 hours during the day at work is tough.  Lugging the bag full of milk home from work is even tougher.  Cleaning all of the pump parts 3-4 times a day is a huge P.I.T.A.  For the first time, I realized that I missed nursing my baby.  I missed the comfort of looking at him happily sucking away and hearing him gulp.  I missed him lovingly rubbing my belly and pulling off to look at me with milk running down his smiley face.  I missed breastfeeding my baby.  

The truth is, my relationship with breastfeeding has been rocky.  It started out rough and then got rougher.  Through it all, I have learned this, nothing ever goes as planned, so put that silly birth plan in the circular file.  You need to learn to be flexible, adaptable, easy-going.  Just like any other skill, breastfeeding takes time to develop.  All of the planning, research, and classes in the world are not going to prepare you for your breastfeeding journey.

So if you are planning on breastfeeding your baby (high five if you are after reading this post :-), my one piece of advice to you would be to NOT listen to those people who claim that breastfeeding is a natural thing that just happens as soon as the baby is born.  Breastfeeding is hard and hurts and in the early days it just plain sucks.  Sometimes you need to supplement with formula.  Sometimes you need to switch from the breast to formula completely.  It's all ok.  You do what you gotta do to keep your baby healthy and growing.  Some of the smartest kids I know were straight formula fed.  I am happy that breastfeeding is finally working for me, but it may not be working for you, and that is ok.

If you are still breastfeeding than I am sure you can relate to some or all of this post.  There are ups and downs, but once you finally get into a groove it really does become second nature and possibly even an enjoyable way to connect with your baby.  Personally speaking, I am glad that I have stuck with it for (gasp) the past 4 months.  I hope to be able to continue until it makes sense for me to stop.         

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Before I started back to work last week, I scoured the web to find resources and articles about pumping.  Thinking about the logistics made my head spin.  How many times a day would I need to pump?  For how long would I need to pump?  What types of supplies would I need?  Would I feel uncomfortable popping out my boobs in a small room while at work?  Would pumping interfere with my work day?  Yadda, yadda, yadda. 

I found a few of helpful places that helped to point me in the right direction:

1.  KellyMom - Pumping & Employment: http://kellymom.com/category/bf/pumpingmoms/

2.  La Leche League - Pumping: http://www.lalecheleague.org/nb/nbpumping.html

3.  Work & Pump - http://www.workandpump.com/

Nothing could really have prepared me fully for the experience.  Granted I am only 1 1/2 weeks in, but I feel like I am sort of a pro at it now.  It honestly is not as hard as I thought it was going to be, but there are some tips I'd like to share that have helped to make my experience a little better.  I wish I could have heard these tips before I started so I figure that I may as well share them with you all. 

1.  It's the pump that counts.  Back when I was pregnant, I found out that insurance would cover a breast pump.  I was excited to knock that item off of the registry.  I was dead set on getting a Medela, since it seems to be the gold standard in the pumping world.  I was unsure on the actual pump to get.  My insurance fully covered the "Pump In Style Advanced".  When I went to pick it up, I found it to be quite heavy.  My daily commute to work includes up to 4 miles of walking, so I was worried about the heaviness.  I ended up getting the "Freestyle", which is the lighter version of the double electric pump.  It can be used away from the bag, which is something that the Freestyle can't do.  The cooler bag and ice pack that were included with the pump are awesome.  I freeze the pack at night and place the milk in there and in the fridge.  It is a good system.  I am so extremely glad that I got this pump.  It has been awesome so far.  I would STRONGLY recommend it to anyone who has to walk to work with the bag and doesn't want to be tired to the bag.

The Medela Freestyle

The cooler bag included with the pump

2.  Extra supplies are a MUST!  On Monday, I did a stupid thing and forgot bottle lids.  I realized it when I was pumping my first session.  Luckily, I had one extra lid from the previous week in the bag, so I didn't have to dump the session.  That would have killed me.  After pumping I headed to the drugstore to purchase some more milk storage bags (I have a bazillion at home).  I now keep the 1/2 the extra bags in my desk at work and the other 1/2 in the bag, just in case.  I also purchased a complete set of spare parts for the pump.  This will be helpful if something breaks and I need a backup, but also so that I always have a clean/dry set to use. 

3.  An emergency manual pump.  I have never used this, but I bought the Medela Harmony Manual Pump on Amazon for $40.  I am keeping it at my desk at work for emergency situations, like if I forget my pump at home or my electric pump malfunctions.  It is insurance that I am glad to have.

4.  Axillary pumping items.  I have the Medela Quick Clean Wipes, which I would strongly recommend.  You don't need water.  I clean the parts between my first 2 sessions at work and then put them into a clean gallon sized bag.  I have a bottle of hand sanitizer.  This is good after touching the gross community doorknobs.  Tissues/paper towels are also handy.  I seem to spill a lot and also I use the paper towels to quickly air dry the parts after wiping them down.  I keep extra breast pads and lanolin in the bag as well.  You never know when you might need one of those items.

Awesome Medela Quick Cleaning Wipes!

5.  I find that pumping at 8:30 AM, 12 PM, and 3 PM for 15 minutes at a time works for me.  I usually get the most out of the first session and less and less after each subsequent session.  I seem to get at least 4-5 oz at each session though.  Once I have even gotten 8.  Not sure what I ate that helped me produce that much!  I book the time in my Outlook calendar at work like a meeting so that no one schedules me for anything during those times.  Sometimes I go a little earlier or later depending on how my day is going.

6.  Start pumping one extra time a day before going back to work to build up a stash in the freezer.  I did this and I am so glad that I did.  I have over 100 oz in the freezer just in case.  I actually keep adding a little to it each day to the point where I am running out of freezer space!  I guess it is time for a deep freezer!

7.  Walking in and out of the "lactation room" (or "quiet room" as my company calls it) is awkward.  Being in the lactation room at all is awkward.  Waiting to use the lactation room is both tedious and annoying.  Today I ran into an issue where someone was parked in the room with the door locked for 45 minutes plus.  I am the only person pumping in my office right now, so the person that was in there was either taking a private phone call or taking a nap.  I was pretty infuriated and made a call to HR.  I asked for a sign-up sheet for the room, which I think is a reasonable idea, but I am not sure the idea will go anywhere.  For now I am left to fend for myself and I pray every time I go to pump that the door is open.

The dungeon (a.k.a. lactation room)

My view while pumping, very inspiring!

8.  Nursing clothing is underrated and over priced.  I only have a few dresses and tops that I can wear to work that are nursing friendly.  The rest of the days, I am forced to sit on my sweater (it is about 50 degrees F in my office, year round) and pull up my shirt or dress which sucks.  Nursing clothing is usually hideous and also quite expensive.  Deep v-neck shirts/dresses are my new b(r)e(a)st friends. 

9.  I don't use a hands free bra.  Well rather I didn't purchase one.  I seem to be able to do hands free with a regular nursing bra by leaving it clipped and just wedging the pump shields in there.  Once the section gets going, they stick on pretty well and I can surf the web on my iPhone.

10.  When I get home I fill up a pink bucket (that I was gifted at the hospital) with the Medela Quick Clean Breastmilk Removal Soap and hot water, let the parts soak for 5 minutes, rinse them, and dry them on the bottle rack.  Some people say the soap isn't worth it.  I beg to differ.  It leaves no residue and requires no scrubbing.  The bottles are squeaky clean. 

So in a nutshell, this is my life for 2 plus hours a day for the next 6 plus months (I hope).  It is tough and kid of a pain, but I am hoping that my hard work pays off.  I know that I appreciate the time that my mom spent breastfeeding me.  I hope little B feels the same way when he gets older! 

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I have debated with myself lately about closing up shop with this blog because it is quite clear to me, and anyone else who used to read, that I rarely post any more.  The truth is that I barely have time to go to the bathroom anymore let alone sit down at a computer to type a collection of coherent thoughts a few times a month.

I miss blogging.  I miss my bloggie friends.  I feel like every time that I have a chance to actually sit down and read, I am so far behind in each blog that I have to go back many posts to catch up.

So here goes, one last try.  If I can't pump out 4 posts by August 23rd then it is time for me to move on.  Stay tuned!

The past two weeks have been really tough for me.  This past Monday was my first day back in the office, full-time.  Last week I spent preparing to be back in the office so that this week would be less stressful for me.  I think I cried every night last week when I would hold my baby, thinking to myself about how unfair it is that I can't spend my days with him instead of going to work every day.  Mommy guilt is such a strong force.  That in combination with the sleep deprivation can be a recipe for disaster.  In the last 3 nights, I think I have had a combined 5 hours of sleep.  I passed out cold on my train ride this morning. 

My sister is graciously nannying for us.  We are so incredibly thankful to have someone with an early childhood education background watching out son.  This has not been without its challenges though.  She is several years younger than me and has spent the last 2 years in a third world country teaching underprivileged children.   Going from an unstructured and stress free life to a regular routine (complete with a schedule and documenting baby feeds/poops/sleeps in BabyConnect) has been more difficult than she or I imagined.  Not to mention that she is living with us in our tiny 1100 square foot house and is a vegetarian in a Paleo house.  To her credit, she is is really settling in nicely and is doing a great job.  I have not had to worry about B.  We decided that she is going to watch B from 6 AM-5 PM and then live her life, baby free.  If B were in daycare, it would be the same thing.  

Work itself has been fairly busy so that the days are going by super fast.  I have worked out a schedule of 7:15 AM- 3:30 PM M-Th and then 8-4 PM on Fridays, from home.  I am pumping 3 times a day: 8:30 AM, 12 PM, & 3 PM, for 15 minutes each session at work.  I also have to tack on an extra 10 or so minutes for clean-up (Medela no-water wipes are AMAZING) and 5-10 minutes to wait for the gentlemen that I work with to vacate the lactation room and take their personal calls elsewhere, so it is pretty time consuming.  The room is also pretty awful.  A closet with a small plastic covered couch, a small square Ikea table and one uncomfortable chair.  There are milk stains on the carpet and on the couch.  The walls are manilla.  It is awkwarly located near several cubes with no walls in which only men sit so they see me go in and out and of course they always look up when the door opens.  This aside, I have been pretty successful with pumping so far, although I know it is early.  Yesterday I got 8 oz, 6 oz, and 5 oz.  B is taking 3 bottles of 5 oz each when I am gone, so I am making more than he needs right now.  I am super thrilled about this.  I also have several hundred ounces saved up in the freezer for emergencies. 

On the topic of sleep, B has been regressing from his solid 5-6 hours straight, back to 2-3 hours at a time.  This totally sucks for me when I am going to bed at 11 PM and getting up at 4:30 AM.  It sucks even more because I am getting up at 1 AM and 3 AM to feed him because he is Houdini and can break out of any swaddle including the SwaddleMe and the Miracle Blanket.  He has also gone from going to sleep fairly easily around 7:30-8 PM to going to sleep but then waking up every 40 minutes and fussing until my husband or I soothe him back to dreamland.  We are going to try to move him from his co-sleeper in our room to his nursery this weekend.  I think we are also going to try to wean him off the swaddle again because he just busts out of it anyways. 

I was in a good groove with working out up until this week.  I signed up for my marathon and was running at least 3 days a week, with a long run on Saturdays (last weekend I ran 10 miles!).  This week I have not run at all.  Partially because I am exhausted.  Partially because I get home from work around 5 PM and then have to take care of B and try to put something on the table for dinner.  Partially because I want to spend time with my little boy because I don't see him from 6 AM until 5 PM.  Basically, I don't have any time to run.  I am not sure how I am going to run this marathon on a little over 100 days.  Also, my husband has not gone to x-fit this week, which is unheard of.  Last night at dinner we decided to work out a schedule that will start next week and will allow us to run.  I get Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturdays.  He gets Wednesdays, Fridays, and Sundays.  If this works out then we will see about adding days.  I am going to bring out the BOB stroller this weekend to see if B could handle some light jogging in it.  I know that it says over 6 months, but he has had very good head control since birth and is extremely strong.  He can sit up in his Bumbo with no issue, so I am thinking some towels for support and a flat surface to run on and we may be cooking with gas. 

I feel like I am holding things together right now, but not tightly.  Things could become derailed fairly fast and fairly easily.  I hope things normalize soon.  I am not a "just holding it together" type of person, if you haven't noticed.  Haha.  I want to be in control of my life 99.99% of the time.  10% doesn't cut it! 

Time to go spend some quality time in the lactation dungeon with my pump and 1/2 caf coffee.  Yes, I am back on the caffeine.  At least partially.  :)      

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