I have been a bad blogger lately.  So much going on and so little time to sit and write it all down.  This post is going to be all over the place, as a result.  It also might be a little long and have a lot of pictures, but I labeled everything so you can skip over parts that don't interest you.  I can't believe that I am due 1 month from today!!

Work Baby Shower
My co-workers threw me a baby shower last week and they pooled together to get me the B.aby J.ogger C.ity S.elect stroller!  It converts to a double, if necessary, which was why I registered for it.  It was so nice of them to get me that since it wasn't cheap.  We all met in one of the office conference rooms and they had cake and fruit salad.  Unfortunately I didn't get to have anything after my last shower cake disaster.  My boss got me 2 oatmeal cookies with raisins for later with a meal (that didn't turn out well either, I'll explain later).  Check out the cute cake!  It was half chocolate and half vanilla with butter cream frosting and fondant.  The top part of the cake came off so one of my co-workers wrapped it up nicely and put it in the freezer for me to have when I can eat cake again.  :)

Maternity Photos
I was really on the fence about these for a number of reasons.  First of all was the cost.  Most of the photographers that I looked into were so expensive and that was just for the actual shoot.  They tacked on a ton for prints and even more for digital copies.  I ended up finding someone through a friend of mine and this photographer ended up being great!  I was also on the fence because I just felt weird to be having my picture taken by someone else.  Ultimately, I decided to have them done because I wish that my mom had them done when she was pregnant with me.  I would love to look back and see photos of her pregnant.  She can't seem to find any.  This little guy will have a bunch.  :)


Gestational Diabetes
I would say that I have been able to keep things under control for the most part.  My fasting blood sugar is still unpredictable.  Some days it is good and some days it is a little higher.  I am currently taking 12 units of H.umulin N at bedtime (or rather 8 hours before my scheduled wake-up time).  I saw my endocrinologist this morning (have I mentioned that I love her??).  She thinks that I am doing well.  My A1C was 5.2.  I told her about my disaster with the 1/2 of an oatmeal cookie with dinner.  Basically, I had a very low carb dinner of baked salmon with sautéed kale w/ sliced almonds.  I added the 1/2 of a cookie as my treat with dinner.  This half a cookie made my 1 hour and 2 hour pp readings high.  I was so upset and annoyed that I thew out the other 1 and 1/2 cookies from my boss.  I told the endocrinologist this and she was so nice.  She gave me a fast-acting insulin pen (N.ovolog) and told me that if I wanted to have a cookie every now and again or go out for dinner that it was ok, since I was so strict.  She told me to take 4 units before eating a higher carb meal and to NOT FEEL GUILTY.  She also said that at this point the baby's organs are developed enough that having a high reading once and again is not going to do much to cause the baby issues.  She told me that I was doing a great job and she expects me to go back to normal after the baby is born.  I hope she is right.  I have a follow-up scheduled with her for 6 weeks post-partum.

Pregnant Co-worker
So she FINALLY told me, on her own, about a week and a half ago that she was pregnant.  I asked her why she waited so long and she said that she hadn't told anyone at work other than my boss and her "supervisor", the co-worker who I had been talking to about about that she hates.  We talked for a while and she mentioned the whole NT scan issues with the down syndrome markers.  She said that even though the results from her tests came back ok, that she was kind of depressed.  I told her that I struggled with some depression issues around the same time along as her.  She was surprised that I did since I had such a tough time staying pregnant, but I think she appreciated my story and felt better about her own situation.  One thing about me is that I don't hold grudges.  I am always open to patching things up.  Even though I was really pissed that she hadn't told me anything, I am over it.  I feel like I have my friend back again, which is nice.  Now when we see each other in the bathroom we can talk about our pregnancies rather than my pregnancy.

Work
I have decided to start working from home, exclusively, the week after next.  I am already working from home 2 days a week, which is nice, but I am getting to the point where walking to and from the train is getting to be very long and very painful.  I have started transitioning my work to others, which is hard for me.  I hate feeling like I can be replaced so easily and I shudder to think about the condition of my "space" when I get back.  I manage a small area of the company, pretty much on my own.  No people, just an application and an audit-controlled process.  I am the only "expert" on the subject.  I am sure things will be ok, but it is tough to let go.

More Jealousy Issues
My husband is still on the C.ross F.it kick and now has entered a competition, which spans five total weeks.  I sort of had a freak-out on Sunday and ended up making him cry.  He spent the morning going to pick up the glider and then installing the baby seat in the car.  He then went off to his X-fit competition, which we said would be fast.  3 1/2 hours later, he comes home, while I had spent the last 3 hours going to the grocery store, cleaning, washing clothes, getting the nursery ready, etc.  I was so pissed that I just barked at him and didn't ask him how he did.  Then I ignored him for several hours while I continued my housework.  The crying came into play when I tried to strike up conversation after cooling down.  The truth is, I am still jealous that he spends so much time at that place with, amongst others, lots of 20-something girls, so I brought that up, again.  He thinks that I don't support him and that I am fixated on making myself believe that he gives a crap about any of the girls that he works out with regularly.  He said that he has always been there to support my races (he has sat through many a 5k, 10k, 1/2 marathon, 30k and marathon), which is true.  Ugh I felt like a terrible person because he really does support me and I don't support him enough.  My hormones in combination with my physical un-fitness have turned me into a raging bitchy lunatic.  He cried, I cried, but we patched everything up.  This is why we work so well together.  We communicate.  He did awesome at his competition, too.  He got the best score at his gym.  :)

Speaking of Running...
NYC Marathon 2013, here I come!  After 3 consecutive fails in the lottery, I am a part of the last group ever that gets guaranteed entry in the 4th year after failing the lottery 3 times in a row!  They were thinking that they might have to cut my group due to the hurricane disaster last year causing an overflow of 2012 registrants, but apparently my group was lucky enough to get in.  I have my work cut out for me following the birth of this little guy, but I am so excited to have a fitness goal to look forward to.  This will be my 3rd marathon!

The Baby!
Saved the most important for last!  I had an appointment yesterday with MFM (35 weeks, 3 days), which included another growth ultrasound.  I was so nervous since last appointment they had him measuring in the 83 percentile.  Well this time he is measuring in the 64 percentile, so I was thrilled.  This is about a week ahead.  Apparently I had a much better radiologist this time (one of top two high-risk radiologists in the country).  The baby's biophysical profile was 8/8!  His head is down and facing my back and he was very active during the scan.  He had his hands in front of his face and his feet right up near his head.  My fluid level was normal.  I didn't get an internal check this time, but I did get a GBS swab, which I have no doubt will come back positive based on how I seem to fail just about every test.  I am prepared for that.  My no-IV request might not become a reality, but oh well.  My blood pressure was good and my weight was up.  I was up to 146, which is up 26 lbs.  Looks like I am heading for at least 30, gulp.  I asked the doctor about how long they would let me go before inducing me and he said he would like to wait until 40 weeks, unless some other complication arises.  He said that if things haven't progressed by 40 weeks that we'll talk induction dates.  I have a feeling this guy is not going to come early.  I think he really likes it in there.  I posted another pic of him here.  I have no idea what the ultrasound pic from yesterday is looking at.  So help me out if you know!      

Wow that was a lot to write.  I think I am caught up.  Now I have to pack my hospital bag, which will be the subject of a future post.  :)

share this on »

{Facebook}

{Twitter}

{Pinterest}

6 Comments »

Last night was my first baby related class, "Breastfeeding 101".  I went by myself because my husband didn't think he would really be needed (or benefit) and wanted to go to, where else, but C.rossfit.  I didn't complain because he has been really helpful with the house this past weekend and in general.  He has been in full-on nesting mode, which I think is so awesome.  Fixing small things here and there.  He even lined up someone to come and take a look at our unfinished house projects.  Yay!

The breastfeeding class was held at a local hospital (not my hospital) and had 2 couples and then 3 other ladies attending solo (including me).  Before we started the class we all gave our names, due dates, and the sex of the baby (if known).  There were 2 girls that were farther along than me and 2 girls that were about a month behind me.  One girl was expecting twin boys!

The class instructor was a delivery room nurse at the hospital who was also a lactation consultant.  She had two babies of her own and had breastfed them both.  She was really nice and had good speaking skills so it made the class pretty interesting.

I learned quite a bit, although I am sure that it will just take practice to figure everything out.  I had no idea that there were "different types" of milk.  I figured it was all the same, but I learned that it is quite the opposite.  We learned different types of holds and how to get a proper latch.  We practiced the different holds with some dolls.  I think I have them down pretty well.  :)

During one of our breaks, I started chatting with the girl next to me who I found out was delivering at the same hospital that I will be delivering at.  As we continued talking, we found that we had a lot more in common.  She also had 3 miscarriages in a row before getting pregnant with her baby.  She also had GD and was struggling with  the same things that I was, even though she had been on bed rest for bleeding and then developed clots in her legs (poor thing!).  She also goes to the same MFM practice that I do and we both have appointments next Wednesday!  I figured that everyone in the room had a charmed pregnancy, but it was so nice talking to this girl who totally understood where I was coming from.

Overall, I am scared to death of breastfeeding.  The WHO recommends 2 years.  The APA recommends 1 year.  I have to go back to work after 12 weeks so I am hoping that pumping goes ok, but what if it doesn't?    Will I be able to pump at work every 3 or so hours for even 1 year?  What if I have meetings?  What if I don't produce enough?  I actually have nightmares about this all the time (my baby is crying and hungry and there is just nothing coming out).  I know that now is the time for breasts to be leaking, but mine have not leaked for many, many weeks.  Does this mean I am doomed?  Maybe I am over-thinking it all.  I have friends who breastfed with no issues and others that struggled.  I guess only time will tell if I have issues.  My mom didn't have any.  Hopefully that works in my favor.

In other news, this past Sunday was my proxy-shower in my hometown.  My Mom, little Sister, and Grandmother planned and held it for me at my Mom's house.  I was able to S.kype with everyone that was there (and there were over 30 people!).  I answered lots of questions and showed people my basketball bump.  It was so nice that people showed up even though I wasn't there.

This weekend is my 3rd baby shower (I feel very spoiled).  Two of my sisters are throwing it for me near my house.  My Mom, little Sister, little Brother, and Grandmother are all driving up, too.  They are bringing all of the presents from the other shower.  This 3rd shower will be my local friends and and some family.  I am so excited to see everyone this weekend!

I can't believe that I am 31 1/2 weeks.  I'll try to post a pic over on my other page this weekend.  The first few months seemed to drag on so slow, but lately it seems like time is flying.  I hope that I can get everything done before he gets here.  :)

share this on »

{Facebook}

{Twitter}

{Pinterest}

6 Comments »

I am not sure what I have done lately to throw my karma so far off track, but it seems like every day I am screwing something else up and someone new is mad at me.  I always pictured pregnancy as a happy and cheerful time, but lately it has been anything but that.  Now I feel like I am always apologizing for screwing up and I forget stuff all the time.  I am the kind of person who does not need a list.  I remember EVERYTHING in my head.  I think that being responsible and conscientious and two of my good qualities.   I always pay bills on time, I remember birthdays, I email people back quickly, to name a few things.  Lately, I have forgotten to pay the electric bill twice, forgot to call my little brother on his birthday, and offended a friend-of-a-friend by not emailing her back when she took the time to offer me great advice.  So here we go again...

Several months back I got curious and I started creating the shell of a baby registry one night.  I started entering in the basic information including the due date and the sex of the baby.  There was a space for "grandparents".  I started entering with my Mom and step father first and then my MIL and her husband because I knew both of their addresses.  My Dad is deceased and I didn't have my FIL's address because they move very frequently, so I decided that I would go back and enter that later.  While I was in the registry that night, I wanted to check out a jogging stroller that my friend suggested I get, the B.OB R.evolution.  I found one I liked and added it because I didn't want to forget the kind.  At that time, the brands of baby items that are available was not as familiar to me.  Anyways, that is all I did that night.  I expected to go back later on and finish it.  Not many people even knew I was pregnant at that point so I kind of forgot about it.

Many weeks after that, a few nights before I was set to go register with my friend, I attempted to go back into the registry to update it.  Something happened with that account and I could not log in no matter what I tried.  It said my email address did not exist so I couldn't even have them email me my password.  No biggie, I thought.  I'll just have B.abies R U.s either make it usable or delete it and start a new one.

On the day I registered, I explained to the sales rep what I had done and she tried to get into the account and could not.  She told me that she could not even delete it and to create a new one and just tell people not not use the old one that would still show up.  I didn't really think anything of it.  I assumed it would be obvious that the registry with one item was a mistake and that people would move to the other one.

This morning started out great.  My fasting BS was 87, my 1 hour after breakfast was 100.  I took my dog for a walk around the block while my husband took out the trash.  He was giving me a ride to work so I had a little more time.  When I got back, I could sense something was wrong because he ignored me when I talked to him.  I asked him what the problem was and he slammed down his cell phone in front of me.  On the screen was a message from my FIL's wife (who my husband does not like, AT ALL).  Saying that she got the shower invitation from my sister (my husband did not want to invite her at all, I said we should and had my sister's send her one) and when they went to look at the registry, they saw that my FIL was not listed as a grandparent.  She said that my FIL was really upset by this and cried because he didn't understand why we left him out and he didn't think that we loved him as much as our other parents.

Knowing that it was all a misunderstanding, I calmly explained the situation to my husband.  Not sure why, but he didn't seem to believe me.  He said he was really upset by the situation.  This is when I snapped.  I pretty much flew off the handle, asking yelling how he could question me in a situation like this and think that I might have done this on purpose.  He said that rather than feeling bad about it, I felt wronged and that I should call his Dad and apologize.  I asked if he could call and explain to his Dad since I don't have a close relationship with him.  He didn't think this was a good idea.  The hits and low blows at me just kept on coming and I really couldn't take them.  We screamed at each other all the way to work until I started crying.  I'm not sure why I even bother with eye-makeup anymore since I seem to be crying it all off lately.  Then we both were silent.  When we got into the city and parked.  We both silently walked into the coffee shop, I bought us both coffee, then he left without saying anything.

Obviously, I feel terrible about this.  Thinking about my FIL being upset over this makes me feel awful.  It was a complete misunderstanding, complicated by the fact that sometimes technology gets fucked up (and fucks things up).  I had, and still have, no control over this situation.  I feel like my husband should be more on my side rather than quasi-accusing me of being spiteful.  As soon as I got to work, I called and left a voice-mail for his step-mother.  I briefly explained the situation, apologized (even though I didn't do anything), and asked that if she call me back if she wanted to chat.

Well, she called me back.  We chatted.  She rehashed the text message, making me feel guiltier, and explained again why my FIL was so upset.  I obviously understood why he might be upset if he didn't understand the entire situation.  I re-explained the what happened to her and I think she finally got it.  I apologized again and then she handed the phone to my FIL and I apologized to him, too.  I sensed that my 70 year old FIL might not have completely understood or believed me, but then again I rarely talk to him on the phone, so I may have been reading into it.  This ridiculous baby registry fiasco has already consumed my entire morning.

So now the most tension is between my husband and I.  No emails or phone calls from him.  Our baby-moon starts tomorrow and right now we hate each other.  Lots of people are telling me to stop stressing and to take it easy, but how can I when stuff like this keeps happening and I am left holding the bag each time?  Failure of any type is not something I handle well (if you haven't already noticed).

share this on »

{Facebook}

{Twitter}

{Pinterest}

4 Comments »

Today has been a much better day than yesterday was.  Last night after work I did have another breakdown.  I'll get to what brought this on in a minute (yesterday basically sucked, big time).  Luckily I have some really awesome and amazing friends.  I went over to one of my friend's houses last night and when I got there I was crying.  When I left, I was laughing.  I am so lucky to have the support that I have so close to me.  :)

Last night I did an experiment.  I woke up at 12:30 PM and had a snack of 1 graham cracker w/ a heap of peanut butter, sprinkled with cinnamon.  This morning my blood sugar reading was 89 (barely under 90, but I made it!!).  I had breakfast and cut out the raspberries.  I had a little more peanut butter.  My 1 hour reading was 107 and I had minimal issue getting blood out of my finger (yesterday it was 131, should be under 140).  Baby steps, I guess.

I have an appointment scheduled with my Endo for Monday.  I am probably being overly cautious, but I do not want to do anything that might put this poor babe in harm's way.

A few other non-related to GD topics:

Baby Shower
The reason why I was so upset last night has to do with one of my 4 showers (yes, I had 4 wedding showers and now I am having 4 baby showers, too).  The shower is being thrown by MIL/SIL, which is very nice of them, don't get me wrong.  A few months back, my husband contacted them because he was concerned that there wasn't going to be a shower.  Period.  MIL said she would plan something with their side of the family, where she lives (several hours away), but stated that she had plenty of time to work out the details.  I knew nothing about this.  A few weeks ago my sisters let me know that they were scheduling one for me, near my house.  My mom also told me that she was having a proxy shower for me in my hometown that I obviously will not be attending.

Originally, the MIL/SIL shower was going to be the second week of Feb., so I booked to have maternity photos taken at the same time at MIL's house.  Then they changed it to 1/26, then to 1/27, then back to 1/26, so I have to cancel the photo shoot.  They sent out virtual invites and FB invites last week.  Call me old fashioned, but that made me upset.  Like they didn't have the time or desire to make real ones.  They invited some of my friends that live near me, this week.  They invited friends that were already invited to other shower, which was confusing to my friends and they felt bad for not being able to attend since they had not yet received the other paper invite from my sisters.  They didn't invite other MIL (husband's step mother).  After sending out the virtual invites they changed the date.  They haven't asked for my input on food so I probably won't be able to eat anything.  Yesterday SIL informed me that only 6 people can make it to that shower (not including MIL/SIL) and she was wondering if I wanted to just cancel it.  None of my FIL's side can make it apparently.  How depressing.  I am not even sure what to do about this situation.  I don't want to go anymore.  I am not sure why they even offered to throw a shower if they were not really interested in putting thought into it.  Ugh.

Another Pregnancy Announcement
Those of you that have been following my blog for a while might remember me mentioning a girl at work who really upset me when she commented on my "size" after my first miscarriage.  Basically she asked me if I was pregnant in front of other co-workers after I had already told her, behind closed doors when she asked, that I was not.  I was humiliated by that.  She has since apologized and I have moved on.  She has become a friend actually and was very supportive earlier on in my pregnancy, surprisingly.

Over the past few months we have talked about her and her lack of a desire to get pregnant, but her husband having the opposite desire.  She talked about her reasons for not wanting kids, none of which I could ever relate to.  They have money.  She is my age, but still likes to party and go out regularly.  She used to smoke.  She doesn't eat that healthy and exercises sporadically, but she is really thin and pretty.

I found out today from another co-worker that sits by her that she is pregnant.  13 weeks or so.  She hasn't mentioned it to me.  I was supposed to have lunch with her today, where I assumed she would tell me, but she cancelled at the last minute saying she had to meet with a Realtor.

Hearing news of the pregnancy made me insanely jealous.  She hadn't been trying for long at all, based on our earlier discussions.  She didn't even want to get pregnant and didn't really know how she felt about being a mom and losing her "freedom".

I'll end this with the email trail that husband and I shared this morning regarding this discovery...


From: D
Sent: Friday, January 18, 2013 8:48 AM
To: Husband
Subject: RE: update
I was right…over 12 weeks preggo…  is it bad that it kind of stings?

From: Husband
Sent: Friday, January 18, 2013 9:54 AM
To: D
Subject: RE: update
I don’t understand this comment, right about what?  What stings?

From: D
Sent: Friday, January 18, 2013 9:58 AM
To: Husband
Subject: RE: update
I was right that she is pregnant.  Just that it was so easy for her and she didn’t really want it that bad to begin with.  Also because she isn’t the healthiest.  I dunno.  It is irrational.  This is why I see a therapist.

From: Husband
Sent: Friday, January 18, 2013 10:05 AM
To: D
Subject: RE: update
I don’t think it’s irrational at all.  It’s not a feeling you want to dwell on or think about too much, but it’s not irrational.  Just be happy with where we’re at.  I’d rather have gone through what we have gone through and have a baby who is going to be adored than to be on the fence about it and then be stuck with a baby like it or not.  Very soon we will have a beautiful little baby boy and nothing else in the world will matter.

From: D
Sent: Friday, January 18, 2013 10:07 AM
To: Husband
Subject: RE: update
This is one of the many reasons why I love you. :-)

From: Husband
Sent: Friday, January 18, 2013 10:07 AM
To: D
Subject: RE: update
I love you too, sooo much. :-)

share this on »

{Facebook}

{Twitter}

{Pinterest}

4 Comments »