#Microblog Mondays?  Read more about it here!

I took the plunge this weekend and chopped off my quite a bit of my security blanket.  I mean hair.  Like 4 inches.  I haven't gotten a cut like this in quite a while, but I was definitely due for a change. 

I'm not sure if any other mommies can relate, but my hair seems to be one of the things that has gotten the most neglected since having B.  I normally throw it up in a ponytail or bun...literally...EVERY...SINGLE...DAY.  My hairdresser even commented that I have a permanent ridge in my hair from doing that.  Oops. 

Last night I did a french braid before bed and slept in it.  (Even though you can't really tell from this picture) it looks great compared to what it was.  It feels nice to NOT be wearing a bun to work today!!  Happy Monday!

share this on »

{Facebook}

{Twitter}

{Pinterest}

8 Comments »

#Microblog Mondays?  Read more about it here!

*Glee=breastmilk/nursing in B (language).  Such a long story.

Daddy tries his best at rocking, soothing, and providing a drink of water, but with no luck. 

Tired and defeated, my husband puts B back into his bed (who at this point is angry and agitated) and passes me the baton.

I enter the room and immediately the crying ceases.  The pass* gets thrown on the floor.  The arms raise for me to pick him up.  "GLEE!"  he promptly states.
*Pass=pacifier in B (language)

We sit in the rocker and I cradle him in my arms.  He quickly relaxes and starts his usual nursing behaviors (trying to pull out my nursing pad, rubbing/squeezing my arms, scratching my chest, etc.).

When done on the right side he pops off and says, "GLEE?" even though he knows that it is time for a diaper change first.

Diaper change completed.  Back to the chair for part deux of our midnight nursing sesh.

All done.  Back into bed.  Kiss from Mommy, check.  Doggy, check.  Monkey, check.  Blankie, check.

Magical boobies... your never-ending nightly job is complete.    

share this on »

{Facebook}

{Twitter}

{Pinterest}

4 Comments »

Second (actual) post-baby cycle started today...48 days after the first one.  I feel like I am post-miscarriage again and have no idea when to expect anything with regards to my reproductive system.  Yes, I know that I am not really tracking my cycles because I am not trying to get pregnant or anything.  I am not temping and I am barely even tracking CM.  Some people just like to know what is going on with their body and like seeing it out an paper.  I am one of those people.

I am thinking that if I ovulated this past cycle, it was probably around day 34, even though I didn't take an ovulation test.  I think that my body might have been gearing up to ovulate around day 20/21 (neg OPK around that time), but I just couldn't get there for some reason (well, probably because I am still breastfeeding/pumping 3 times a day).  I would love to start temping again, but the baby still wakes up at least once a night so it would be tough, at best.   

I had a feeling that my period was going to show as I laid in bed at 3 in the morning and COULD NOT go back to sleep.  For some reason, I seem to get insomnia right before I get my period.  It must have to do with the hormonal changes or something.  I also had terrible cramps this morning.  I feel like I am back in high school again.  I have no idea when I am going to get my period and when it starts there is no warning.  BANG.   

Anyways, I'd love to know if any other mommies experience(d) totally wacky and unpredictable cycles while breastfeeding or after giving birth, in general. 

share this on »

{Facebook}

{Twitter}

{Pinterest}

2 Comments »

I have about 7 weeks to go until the NYC marathon so I thought that it might make sense to write a little bit about where I am with my training.  This is my 3rd marathon, so I knew what to expect with regards to the time commitment.  I did not have a 16 1/2 month old during training for the first two, so this definitely is an added "twist" which has been a lot more to manage than I thought!

Personal Marathon Goal: 3:30

BQ Goal: 3:35

Average Weekly Mileage: ~40 miles per week

Highest Weekly Mileage: 49.1 miles

Longest Single Run: 20.03 miles (7:57 min per mile average pace)

Average Pace: ~8:07 min per mile

Interval Pace: Between 6:30 and 6:48 min per mile

Usual Schedule: 
Mon- 7/8 miles easy
Tues- Speed/track workout (~6-7 miles total)
Wed- OFF
Thurs- 5/6 mile tempo (includes 3 miles of faster running)
Fri- 60 min easy
Sat- Long run
Sun- Recovery 45/60 min easy

Diet: I try for paleo, but I'd say I am more gluten free right now because I need more carbs than I feel like I can get from just fruits, squash, sweet potatoes.  I am constantly hungry and I CRAVE carbs (I am also still BF 2-3 times a day).  Seriously.  I eat so much right now.  I am OBSESSED with Multigrain Puffins.  I seriously eat almost 2 boxes a week.  

Run Nutrition: That's All Fruit Bars (mid-long run).  CocoHydro Sport drink for runs of 13 miles or more.  Rise Protein Bars after most runs of 6 miles or more (or hard workouts).

Sleep: About 6.5-7 a night on average.

Injuries: Mostly nagging stuff.  My right hip is tight.  My right shin gets sore unless I wear a compression sleeve (which I would strongly recommend!).  I generally always feel a little sore in my hamstrings/glutes.

Shoes:  Nike Lunar Glide 5 for easy days, Nike Lunar Glide 6 for long runs/tempo, Mizuno Wave Sayonora for speed/races.

Other Favorite Running Gear: Feetures Elite Ultralight Socks

Most Fun Run So Far:  Running 12 miles in NYC from Brooklyn to Manhattan and back with my sister (she rocked it).

Complaints:  I feel like I am getting slower from all of the long and plodding miles and I miss running in 5k races.  I feel like my muscles and ligaments are getting shorter.  I am kind of bored with the long runs.

Positives:  I get lots of compliments on my muscular legs.  :)  Overall I feel good.  I am so excited to be done with this training and to run the race of my life!

share this on »

{Facebook}

{Twitter}

{Pinterest}

1 Comment »

She probably has no idea who I am, but I feel like I know her well.  She is one of the main reasons that I started blogging in the first place, drum roll, please...

Melissa Ford @ The Stirrup Queens. :)

She came up with the great idea of "#MicroblogMondays" as a way to help bring people back to their blogs (from other social media mechanisms like FaceBook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.).  Check out her post detailing what to do here.  I have decided to give it a try to see if it can set my brain and fingers in motion and help me to put some words on my neglected blog.

One thing, before I start this actual post, I just want to again, thank Mel for all of the great work that she does.  She is always inspiring and her words are so comforting to read.  She really helped to pull me through a very tough time in my life.  She connected me with other women that were going through similar issues and is the glue that keeps the ALI community together.  For all of this (and a lot more), I will be forever grateful.

Mel- if you are reading this... THANK YOU!!  

This may not seem like a big deal, but I can honestly say that it was one of the most proud mommy moments that I have yet to experience.  Last night, my baby of 16 1/2 months peed on the potty for the first time.  Yes, I know it was a combination of good timing and good luck, but he did it just the same.  We aren't even really doing serious potty training yet, just some low pressure "trying" once a day.  So this, to me, was amazing!  

Here is how it went down:

We sat him on his race car potty before his bath, like usual.  I told him to "push the pee pee out", which I can remember my mom telling my younger sibs to do when she was potty training them.  He kept saying "pee pee", which was so freaking cute.  Then he stood up and bam.  Pee in the potty.  

I squealed with elation and yelled down to my husband.  B was excited too, and pointed into the potty saying, "pee pee".  Then we called all of my relatives.  No...seriously, we did.  We had a call with one grandma and a FaceTime with another.  Then a couple of texts and a PhotoStream update.  Big news, people.   

One.  Proud.  Mommy.  Moment.  :)  

share this on »

{Facebook}

{Twitter}

{Pinterest}

5 Comments »

Even now, after having a healthy baby and not wanting another one right now, I have trouble feeling genuinely happy for someone else when I find out that they are pregnant.  What the heck is wrong with me?

Friday evening as my husband and I were prepping dinner, he told me that he had some news.  Being the person that I am, I just knew it had to do with someone being pregnant.  So I guessed to him that someone was pregnant and he nodded.  Then I started naming possible pregnant people.  I think it was my 3rd guess that was correct.  I'm pretty good at that game.

"Isn't that exciting news?" he said.

I should mention that they already have an almost 3 year old.

"Oh yeah.  Exciting" I said, trying to actually sound remotely excited.  "When is she due?"

"Oh it is still really early and definitely not public because she is only 9 weeks so don't mention it to anyone" he said.

"I guess she's never had any trouble" I said sarcastically and walked out of the kitchen, leaving my husband alone with his "exciting" news.

My reaction to the news kind of surprised myself.  I haven't heard about anyone getting pregnant lately so I haven't had to react.  Most of my friends are done having kids or are getting ready to give birth at any time.  There are a few people who are waiting in the wings (namely my Sister and SIL), but I am not even sure that either of them are actively trying at this point.  

Why is it that I can't be happy for someone when I find out that they are pregnant?  I am immediately filled with jealousy, anger, and resentment.  Shouldn't I be over these feelings at this point?  I have my baby.  he is healthy.  I love him.  I am finally starting to feel more relaxed and happy with things in my life so why is this one area still sore?

I am wondering if I am forever going to feel this way.  Will I never feel happy when someone announces that they are pregnant unless I know the full back story?  If this was their first try or an oops, will I forever be jealous of them even though it is not their fault?  I obviously wouldn't wish the things that happened to me to happen to anyone else so I am not sure why I feel this way.  It is as if my experience with miscarriage took away the joy and happiness surrounding the miracle of pregnancy/childbirth.

Example:  A friend of a friend had a miscarriage right around the beginning of her 2nd trimester.  She then had a lot of trouble getting pregnant again.  When she finally fell pregnant last year I was genuinely happy for her.  She went through so much to have her baby so I had no feelings of resentment towards her and I got teary when I heard that she gave birth to a healthy child.

Has anyone else who has experienced loss/infertility, but have gone on to have a healthy child (or children), felt or currently feel like I do?  If you have felt like this and no longer do, what helped you?  I really want to put all of the past in the past and move forward.  I want to congratulate someone when I hear that they are pregnant...and actually mean it.

share this on »

{Facebook}

{Twitter}

{Pinterest}

4 Comments »

Yesterday I was having one of those days where I was really feeling like throwing in the towel on the whole blog thing.  Why do I continue writing?  It takes up precious time and I oftentimes struggle with what to actually wrote.  I am not sure that many people are still reading other than the person who Googles and randomly stumbles upon one of my posts related to: "does CrossFit cause divorce?", "diastasis recti", or "do long cycles cause miscarriage?".  If I pulled my blog out of the blogisphere today, would anyone know or even care?

Since I started blogging, back in the spring of 2012, my content and tone have changed quite a bit.  I have gone from a very bitter and jaded "baby-less" person that blogged about miscarriage, temping, and pee-sticks to a mommy that blogs about her post-baby body self-esteem, running, and CrossFit issues.  The pre-baby and post-baby blogs are almost completely different audience types and, with the exception of people who have been following me for a while and have gone through similar circumstances, I am not sure how many new and regular readers I have.  What is the point of continuing?  For my own personal health and well-being?  If that was the case, couldn't I just write everything down in a private journal?  I seriously ask myself this all of the time.

Yesterday, I remembered to check my blog email box for the first time in several months.  Besides mounds of spam from people trying to get me to give them a shout out or let them "guest post", I had a few emails from a few different women who were writing to seek my advice regarding situations that they were in right now that I had once been in.  I was reminded of why I continue to keep my blog and the associated email box going.  For as many people that no longer follow me and read my posts, there continue to be a few people who come across my blog that find it helpful and comforting.  They have found themselves in an unfortunate position and the cosmic powers of Google have brought them to my tiny little space where they have been able to read about what I have gone through, relate either somewhat or completely, and apply things that I learned or tried to help them with their situations.  I seriously love that I am able to help even just one person a year because that is one less person who feels like they are dealing with a similar issue, alone.

One thing that a lot of these women that write to me have in common (and definitely how I once felt) is that they are alone in their situations and in their feelings about their situation.  They feel like the time is going so slowly and that they will never "be on the other side".  I am sure that there will always be extenuating circumstances that will make it medically impossible (for one reason or another) for someone who has miscarried many times, to have a child.  That said, out of all of the women who have ever taken the time to write to me personally, I cannot think of one that has followed up with me, that has not be able to eventually have a baby...somehow.  This makes me so happy.

I know that I currently don't have anyone's "permission" to anonymously post their story (and would NEVER do so unless I was given permission), but I would really love to share some stories of other ladies, who have been in similar shoes to my own, on my blog.  Maybe once a month or every other month or something like that.  I think that reading stories of others that have "been through it" helps those that are "still going through it" actually get through it.  Having some hope is half the battle and if I can provide hope to others by sharing positive stories, I am doing a world of good.

So, to my readers, if you have written to me before and still follow me, have never written but follow, or have stumbled upon my blog for the first time and have gone through a similar situation as me, please write to me (and either tell me your story or give me permission to anonymously use your story that we have already emailed about) and I will share in a dedicated post.  Your story is important and may help someone else who is struggling right now.  This isn't limited to just miscarriage, either, although that is the subject that I seem to get the most response and readers for.  I know I write about other topics such as body image (such as diastasis recti), nursing, and marriage issues, too, so feel free to write to me about that.   Share your struggles and things that you have tried that have helped you get through and continue on.  Please think about it.  I may be putting together a dedicated page on my blog to share the stories of others depending on the response that I get.  You could really help someone, too.  

share this on »

{Facebook}

{Twitter}

{Pinterest}

6 Comments »