Back in December, after my second miscarriage in a row, I decided to seek out the help of Reproductive Endocrinologist.  I had a nagging feeling that something was wrong even though my Ob/Gyn assured me that that I was just having a string of bad luck and that "these things just happen".  I did a lot of research and took recommendations from friends.  I ended up choosing a place that had a recurrent loss program and is also ranked in the top 5 programs in the country.  I ended up choosing a doctor that US News rates as being in the top 1% of doctors in the specialty field of reproductive medicine.

Don't get me wrong, I am overall impressed with the place.  I see many happy pregnant women coming and going.  Normally, seeing pregnant women upsets me, but seeing pregnant women at the RE's office makes me happy and hopeful.  I think my doctor did an excellent job at handling my d&c.  I had a much shorter recovery time that I did after my first d&c and an overall better experience.  Here are a few things that have bothered me, though.  I need to get them out.  Apologies in advance for this rant.

1.  I was nearly scheduled for the wrong procedure during all of my testing.  I was inadvertently scheduled for an HSG when I should have been scheduled for a hysteroscopy.  They also tried to schedule me for the procedure outside of the regular window, which I read that you were supposed to have it done (between cd 5-10).  Luckily I thought something was wrong and called and got everything straightened out. 

2.  I had lots of blood tests taken for various genetic disorders.  It turns out that they forgot to run one of the tests so I had to go back and get more blood taken.  Huge pain in the arse.

3.  After my 3rd miscarriage, they basically told me there was nothing they could do other than IVF w/ PGD and that we should just try again and hopefully at some point the stars will align and we'll have a sticky baby.  I asked about the ovulation induction meds and the RE agreed to try them out on me since my cycles are so long.  They have not looked in to my FSH/AMH to see if it is abnormal since I am not of "advanced maternal age", but I have heard stories of people my age having issues with this causing unhealthy eggs.  They have not suggested testing my husband's sperm to see if there is an issue there.  They basically told me I was having bad luck.  I feel like at a place that is so highly ranked, that they should be able to do a little more.  Right??

4.  I feel like most fertility clinics try to push you towards ART rather than trying other methods.  Since I am not doing IUI/IVF I feel that they do not monitor me closely enough.  I am given this breast cancer drug to hopefully move up my ovulation date and I am left to Google to find out the possible side effects and generally what to expect.  Seems like I am only expected to call if I get pregnant.  I called the office yesterday to ask when they thought I should start taking opks and the nurse told me she wasn't very familiar with the drug I was taking.  I asked her if she thought it would move my ovulation up and she told me she didn't know.  I asked her if I could get blood taken at the end of the 2ww and she said that was probably a good idea.  WTF.  I have to ask for that?  They don't tell me to do it?  What about checking to see if I actually ovulate on this drug?  Ultrasounds/blood work?  I get nothing.  I have been completely abandoned by my doctor's office.  Left to my own devices...my own research. 

I have been feeling rather hopeless the past few days.  I feel like no one can help someone like me.  They can make a woman who does not ovulate, ovulate.  They can make a women with no tubes get pregnant.  They can genetically engineer a baby in a test tube and put it into another women.  But, they can't help someone who has regular, but long cyles/late ovulation and gets pregnant fairly easily only to habitually miscarry right away.  They can't find anything wrong with me so they just give up.  I feel like I should just wear a name tag when I go into the office that says lost cause.  Can you tell I am not having a great week?  Maybe it is the Femara.  I guess I'll Google it to find out.