Miscarriage induced ADD

Friday, May 25, 2012

I think that any infertile/recurrent miscarrier knows that TTC takes over your life.  It isn't necessarily a conscious thing either.  It sneaks in to all aspects of your day-to-day from when your alarm goes off each morning, to what you do/don't eat/drink, to how you behave around people who sneeze and get pregnant with a healthy baby.  Since my first miscarriage, I have developed serious attention deficit disorder which has started affected my life more than ever before.  I have so much trouble concentrating at work and that amount of work that I get done along with the quality of my output has suffered immensely. 

Here is my typical day:
Alarm goes off at 4:30 AM.
Take temperature.
Do hair/makeup.
Get dressed.
Pack lunch, feed dog/cats, eat breakfast.
Commute to work.
Arrive at work, update Fertility Friend, check message boards, look at my fav TTC blogs, write in my blog.
Talk to my friend who is going through infidelity.
Try to do some work.
Get email notification regarding conversation update on FF, stop to check, get side-tracked and Google something TTC related.
Go to a meeting.
Eat lunch @ desk, chart surf on FF.
Go to meeting.
Try to do some work.
Mind wanders, check FF chart, add stupid data, compare my chart to others.
Try to do some work.
Commute from work.
Get home and check FF.
Work out, shower.
Check FF.
Cook dinner, eat dinner.
Pass out of couch @ 8:30 PM.
Check FF again, look at blogs.
Pass out in bed @ 9:30 PM.

I used to be such a high performer and over-achiever at work and now I feel like I just don't care that much about work right now.  I care about making a sticky baby.  As you can see from above, I have a tough time getting through any part of my day without incorporating some type of TTC activity my mind is constantly wandering off there.  I am unable to stay focused on working and I have a massive project that I am responsible for completing that has high management visibility.  Ugh.  I wish I could find a way to be able to cut all of this out.  I have already given up Facebook and Babycenter in hopes that would help, but I seem to have just found other outlets for my obsessive-compulsive behavior.  I have been debating whether or not to see a counselor for a while.  I am thinking maybe it is almost time to take that road.

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2 Responses to “Miscarriage induced ADD”

  1. I'm at work right now reading your posts because I can't concentrate on anything else! :)

    1. Glad you are enjoying! I still can't concentrate on anything!! :)