...go on when I close my eyes.  Every second of the night, I live another life.  

Sorry I just had to throw in a Heart reference.  I am a serious 80s music buff.  Now on to the actual post...

I have had many dreams where I am finding out that I am pregnant, where I am pregnant, and even more when I am giving birth.  I love these dreams because they seem so real and when I wake up I feel happy and hopeful for the future. 

A few months back, my mom told me about a dream where she saw my Dad (he passed away 6 years ago) rocking a baby boy, which she came to find out in the dream was mine.  He told my mom he was fine taking care of the baby and he just sat there on my Grandma's (she has also passed away many years ago, but my cousin lives in her house) back patio just rocking the baby back and forth.  This dream made me happy because I feel like my Dad is up there taking care of my angel babies.  I take some comfort in that.

Last night I did not sleep that well.  I woke up in the middle of the night to coyotes barking and howling somewhere in the neighborhood (and I live in the burbs!) and I had a tough time getting back to sleep.  I told my husband this and he mentioned that he had some really wacky dreams last night, but didn't really have trouble sleeping.  I asked him what they were about and I was almost shocked by what he told me because the man rarely remembers his dreams!  Apparently in his dream I was at the doctor and the doctor told me that I didn't actually miscarry my last 2 pregnancies and that I was still pregnant.  Then right there, even though my husband said that I did not look pregnant, I gave birth to 2 babies.  I asked him if they were twins and he said, no, they were actually 3 months apart.  One boy and one girl.  I asked him if the babies were cute and I expected him to say he didn't really remember, but then he told me that they were the most beautiful babies he had ever seen and he told me that he was so happy when he got to hold them.  Oh my gosh I wanted to start bawling right there in the kitchen while chopping onions.  He totally melted my heart.  How did this man go from adamantly not wanting any kids to this?  It is nothing short of a miracle.

I would love to know if dreams actually had any bearing on reality or the future or if they are just our minds way of trying to make sense of it all.  I guess for now I will pray that these dreams mean that we'll one day have our little family.