It's official, I'm crazy

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Today I am 8 dpo and I decided that it would be a good idea to take a pregnancy test.  I have a bunch of Wondfo tests that I got in a bundle w/ opks a few months back so I figured that what a better way to use them then when I am only 8 dpo, only had sex on one day out of my fertile period, my temps haven't been great, and have no symptoms.  Nice work on my part.  I'll spare you the suspense and let you know that it is quite negative even though I think that I have twice hallucinated a line and it has only been 10 minutes since I took the test.  Hello crazy.

Where did all this madness start when I have seemingly been doing so well?  I visited a friend this weekend who is just a little over a month away from giving birth to her second child.  She too, has had a rough road and I am so incredibly happy for her that everything in this pregnancy has gone so well.  She has been a tremendous support to me through all of my heartache.  Visiting her made me think that about the fact that I should also be pregnant right now and we should have been sharing stories about being pregnant.  Instead she got to hear me complain about miscarriage and not being pregnant.  These situations are so tough, but I am glad that I went to see her as we had a fabulous time.  I am actually proud of myself because I think I am able to deal with pregnancy situations better and better.

On Sunday, I was quite productive in the morning.  I had succeeded in planting most of my garden when I stepped on a rusty nail with flip-flops on in the backyard.  The nail went right into my foot/heel.  Since I had not had a tetanus shot in over 10 years, I spent most of my Sunday afternoon in the ER waiting for one.  Of course my first concern was, that even at 6 dpo, I could be (a little bit) pregnant so I was concerned about the shot causing issues.  I told the doctor that I could be pregnant and he immediately wanted to know if I wanted him to give me a pregnancy test.  I spilled about my situation, the Femara, miscarriages, etc.  He let me know that his wife used Clomid to conceive their last child and he told me that he never really understood miscarriage and how it was so heartbreaking until they had gone through it.  He offered the test again and I politely refused.  I know that 6 dpo is way too early for a test.  After I got the shot (which they convinced me was safe and routinely given to preggos), he came over and handed me my discharge papers.  He winked and told me that he was crossing his fingers for me.  That was nice.

Last night I had trouble sleeping.  My stomach was bothering me and I started feeling some lower left pelvic pain, sporadically.  I have had this 2 times before.  Once in the cycle following my chemical pregnancy in which I did not end up being pregnant and once 2-3 days before I got my last BFP.  When I woke up this morning I decided that my stomach was bothering me too much so I stayed home.  I got a text from my friend telling me that she is pregnant.  She has had a rougher road than anyone I know and again, I am so incredibly happy for her.  She deserves this more than anyone after all of her heartache and struggles.  I just feel sorry for myself.  Yes, I said it, I feel sorry for myself.  I know it is wrong, but I just feel like I have toiled with this long enough.  I am ready for a baby.  I have done everything possible.  My husband jokes that if this healthy diet/lifestyle that I am living doesn't provide us a better outcome this time, we are going to start smoking crack.  Yeah, he is being sarcastic, but only to a point.  So I'll leave you with a picture of my abysmally negative pregnancy test.  Oh and one more thing, if you want to get pregnant soon, you should become friends with me.  Everyone around me seems to be having good luck getting a BFP.

share this on »
Add a comment »

Leave a Reply