I caved and tested this morning. I wasn't feeling pregnant, but I am just sick of not knowing one way or another. As I expected, an unquestionable BFN. Even though I have been expecting this for this cycle due to the fact that I was so sick right around O, it doesn't make it hurt any less. We did have sex 8 days in a row right around my fertile period. If I could, I would scream and cry and pound my fists on the floor. I can't do that though because I don't want my husband to think I am a total psycho. Instead, I am going to just pretend like it's not that big of a deal and start planning next month around my stupid cycle.
Last night we went to our local fireworks with our dog. We were literally the only 30 something couple there without children. I pointed this out to my husband and he proceeded to ask me if I could go one day without bringing up this type of depressing comment. I pointed out that I didn't make a depressing comment yesterday. Not the kind of fight I want to get into.
We were supposed to go to a BBQ at a friend's house today, but now I don't feel like going. One of my friends that got pregnant by accident might be there and I definitely am in no mood to face her and her new perfect baby today. Instead, I am going to first go to the gym and kick my own ass there. Next, I am going to take out my aggression on a paint brush and paint my dining room. Then maybe I'll go to Home Goods and buy some shelves. Fun times.
I thought this medicine that I was taking was supposed to help me get pregnant. It seems like it is only hurting me. I never had trouble getting pregnant before, only had trouble sustaining the pregnancy. Now I am having trouble getting pregnant. What gives? If this next cycle isn't successful, I might just go off the meds completely and contend with my long cycle. I have totally painted a rain cloud over this day. Happy 4th of July.
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My fingers are crossed that tomorrow when you test you get a BFP. Love you.
ReplyDeleteAh honey. The not knowing and the knowing are so hard. I woke up and checked your blog right away because I knew there would be news. I'm so sorry about your negative. And I'm sorry about your husbands comment, they just don't gt it. I asked my husband last night "what if I'm not pregnant? I can't help but be attached." he responded with "I don't know, I'm sure what ever I say I wont understand and i will be insensitive" so yeah he's used to the pattern at our house. They really don't feel it the way we do. I will have to pretend its no big deal too. And I already have paint for our bedroom in case I don't feel like going anywhere this weekend. Haha. Take some time for yourself to feel your feelings. Even if you have to lock yourself in a room and pound the floor. I am crying for you.
ReplyDeleteAh honey. The not knowing and the knowing are so hard. I woke up and checked your blog right away because I knew there would be news. I'm so sorry about your negative. And I'm sorry about your husbands comment, they just don't gt it. I asked my husband last night "what if I'm not pregnant? I can't help but be attached." he responded with "I don't know, I'm sure what ever I say I wont understand and i will be insensitive" so yeah he's used to the pattern at our house. They really don't feel it the way we do. I will have to pretend its no big deal too. And I already have paint for our bedroom in case I don't feel like going anywhere this weekend. Haha. Take some time for yourself to feel your feelings. Even if you have to lock yourself in a room and pound the floor. I am crying for you.
ReplyDeleteOh, I feel for you. Stupid BFN!!! You have every right to pound your fists if you need to. I know there's nothing to say to make this any better, but I'm hoping/wishing/praying that good things come out of the next cycle for you. ~ hugs ~
ReplyDeleteI have thought the same thing about myself. I haven't had trouble getting pregnant, just keeping them...but now with the Clomid to try and shorten cycles I am having trouble and I didn't o until day 28 this month! So incredibly frustrating and husbands don't get it completely...sorry for the BFN.
ReplyDeleteUgh, I'm sorry. That stinks! I didn't feel like doing anything yesterday either...DH went to his dad's without me and I spent the day relaxing in bed and watching movies! I've been trying almost a year now since my first miscarriage...the whole routine is getting so old!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, you're definately not psycho I got my BFN yesterday and it always feels that way I think, even when you think you'll be fine! I hope you find some therapy to help you - if it's DIY or exercise or whatever. Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteHi cycle buddy! One thing I guess I can try to be grateful for, is that I don't have a partner to take my anger out on, therefore no little arguments or comments. I am trying to look on the bright side, because I often feel that my pregnancy would be a bit lonely, not being in a relationship anymore...
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