I never EVER in my wildest dreams thought that I would be here right now.  I never thought I would be uttering the words, "tomorrow I am starting fertility meds".  Yes, tomorrow is the day that I enter into the world of the assisted and unknown.  Please wish me luck.

I spent most of my younger years trying not to get pregnant.  I was religious about taking my birth control down to the exact time...12 PM every day.  If I ever diverted from that time I would force the use of condoms as well.  If I was on an antibiotic...condoms.  If I was just feeling really fertile...condoms.  I was soooooo worried about getting pregnant.  Man, if I only could have been that lucky as to have an accidental healthy pregnancy.  Never did I think that I'd actually be one of those sad women who can't seem to have a healthy baby.  I get angry just thinking about it.  Why did I waste all of those good fertile years starting my career, buying a house, going out with friends?

I am one of those people that doesn't even like to take Advil for a headache or Tums for heartburn.  I usually ride out the pain...suffer through it.  After my d&cs I did not take any pain meds to prove that point.  I don't like help from others, I'd rather do things on my own.  It was hard for me to admit that I had a problem with pregnancy and needed to seek medical help.  Why would I have any reason to think that I could not have a baby?  I have always prided myself in my healthiness and figured that because I treated my body well, it would treat me well in return.  I guess that things just don't work like that.

I think I had good reason to believe that I wouldn't have any problems having a baby.  My mom is one of the most fertile people on earth.  She had seven children over the span of almost 20 years with almost no issues.  Granted she started much earlier than I (at the ripe old age of 24), but she also gave birth to my youngest sibling in her early 40s.  She only ever had 1 miscarriage in all of those years, but she was in her 40s.  I love my mother to death, but I am seriously jealous of her fertility.  I never thought I would say that either.

But, I digress...

Tomorrow starts the next chapter in my TTC journey.  Hopefully I don't freak out and decide not to take the meds.  I only wish my RE would give me a little more guidance besides writing me the prescription.  I'll have an update tomorrow.