Scared and anxious

Monday, August 13, 2012

The title of this post says it all, really.  From the outside you would think that I am totally fine, but in the inside I am totally freaking out.  Tomorrow is my first ultrasound and I am dreading going to sit in that little waiting room with all the very pregnant teen moms.  Seriously, right now my stomach is doing flips and I feel like I could puke at any second (and no, it is not morning sickness, it is awaiting-imminent-ultrasound-sickness).

I have spent all day thinking about how tomorrow might play out.  I have come up with several scenarios (apologies for my psychosis, but I need to get this out and this is the only place I can do that right now) because I have to be prepared for EVERYTHING:

1.  Perfect scenario.  Have nice ultrasound tech who talks me through everything.  Does a vaginal ultrasound since I am only going to be 5 weeks 3 days tomorrow.  Sees a sac, yolk, and fetal pole.  Says baby is measuring right on target.  Pats me on the back.  Tells me to come back in a week to 10 days. Can you tell I have been G.oogling 5 weeks 3 days ultrasound?

2.  Not so perfect scenario.  Have an ultrasound tech that isn't especially friendly and spends lots of time fishing the ultrasound up in my who-ha without giving me any feedback until the end.  Sees sac that is measuring the right size.  Says it's too early to see much more than that and tells me to come back in a week for a more conclusive look.

3.  Bad scenario #1.  Have an amateur ultrasound tech that jabs the ultrasound around my ovaries.  Sees  nothing in my uterus.  Sees something in my tube.  Pregnancy is ectopic.  I won't continue on with this scary scenario, but you catch my drift.

4.  Bad scenario #2.  Have a stupid ultrasound tech that tries to do an abdominal ultrasound even though I tell them that I am only 5 weeks 3 days.  Pushes that thing so hard into my stomach and then has to resort to the vaginal wand anyways (can you tell this has happened to me before?).  See's something that looks like it might be a baby, but it is measuring small.  Ultrasound tech gives me a high probability of miscarriage, sends me to talk to my doctor, and the RE tells me to come back in a week.

Ok so I am thinking that these are my most likely scenarios tomorrow and honestly by writing all of them down I feel a little less anxious.  I am hoping and praying for scenario #1, but I know I can handle all of the other scenarios because I have handled them (or something similar) before.  Not with grace, but I have handled them.  I will get through tomorrow one way or another.  Just hoping to keep the good news streak continuing.  If you have any room on your prayer list tonight, might you please include me and this little one?  Thanks so much.

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8 Responses to “Scared and anxious”

  1. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow! Is there anyone who can go with you to offer support? It's nice to have someone there to sit through the jitters in the waiting room and the ultrasound room.

    1. Thank you! My sis is going to meet me there and hold my hand through it. I am sooo thankful that she can be late to work tomorrow to help out her big sis.

  2. You're on my prayer list, girl! I'm hoping that u/s tomorrow goes smoothly and shows that everything is progressing beautifully. You deserve it! Thinking of you.

  3. I'll be thinking of you and keeping my fingers crossed for scenario #1. I've actually gone as far as to ask techs to tell me in human language what they are seeing before they start rambling off measurements and medical terminology, even if it is just a monitoring ultrasound for follicles and that sort of thing. That said, my early ultrasound was done by my RE so she knew to tell me that everything was okay right away without being asked. I really really hope you have positive news to share tomorrow and as always I'll be here for you regardless of the outcome.

  4. I hope all goes well tomorrow :) And that number 1 is the scenario you get! Damn those pesky vaginal ultrasounds and bad techs.

  5. You're right, you can handle any of the scenarios you've listed and any that you wouldn't even know to think of. But I am hoping you don't have to handle anything. I hope it is easy and wonderful. Good Luck this morning!