Today was a very emotional day for my husband and I. Neither of us slept very well and once we finally got out of bed, neither of us wanted to talk about where we were about to go and what we were about to do.
I was supposed to have a dentist appointment today, which I moved to the week of Labor Day, but I lied to all of my co-workers and told them I was going to be at the dentist in the AM. I decided to work from home afterwards in case the news was bad and I needed to be alone.
We got to the hospital about 45 minutes early because apparently no one works on Friday. My sister met us there because I felt that I wanted her there again. She made me feel a lot better last time.
We got to the ultrasound waiting room about 15 minutes early. I was hoping they might be able to get us in earlier like they did last time. To my dismay, the waiting room was packed. Ugh. We waited until almost 9:45 AM when they finally called my name. You can imagine I was a nervous wreck. I drank an entire Grande Calm tea in the time we were waiting and had to pee so bad.
The ultrasound tech was one one that I had never had before. I saw the girl from last time, but she unfortunately took the person right before me. The tech explained to me that she had to do an abdominal ultrasound first, yada, yada, yada. I was at least glad I had a full bladder.
So I laid down and she asked me a few questions including was I taking any fertility drugs. I told her I was taking the Levo for my thyroid. She asked if I was taking anything like Clomid. I told her I took Femara to get pregnant, but obviously I wasn't taking it now. WTF? Would I want to knowingly cause birth defects to my child that I have tried so hard for??
She squirted the gel on my stomach and went to work. Total ouch. I had to pee so bad and she was pushing really hard. She kept moving the wand around and started taking pictures in silence. Of course my thoughts went to the worst place. My husband and sister were just standing there staring. After way too much time had gone by with no comment from the tech, I broke the silence by asking, "You are being really quiet. Does that mean there is something wrong?"
The tech told me that it was really early and still hard to see things so that she might need to pull out the vaginal probe if she couldn't get a good enough look. They she started looking at my ovaries.
Fuck. This is what they told me last time when they knew things were not good. They move to my ovaries because they are easy to see. I started planning my next D&C in my head. I was thinking about how I would be able to lie to people about taking time off for more surgery. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
The tech left to get the radiologist, but before she did she told me that things looked ok and they probably wouldn't have to do the vaginal ultrasound. I asked her if she saw a heartbeat and she said yes. I asked her is it was slow and she said she needed to talk to the radiologist because she was only a 2 year resident. She left and as soon as the door closed I started bawling. She was confusing the crap out of me. Was this good or bad?
My sister came over to me and started trying to comfort me by telling me that things looked a lot bigger to her and that she saw a flickering heart. My husband was not doing so great. I thought he was going to pass out.
The radiologist came back in and told me that everything looked perfect. The baby was measuring 7 weeks on the nose and the heartbeat was 139. She got out the wand and showed me the happily flickering little heart. I started crying again. She asked about my miscarriages and if this was the farthest I had gotten. I told her that this was the ONLY good ultrasound I had ever had where a heartbeat was seen. She told me that this was very encouraging, but that due to my history, they would still be cautious and continue regular ultrasounds. I obviously understood.
After they left to get me a picture and written report, I hugged my husband who was now crying. He was relieved, but still worried, naturally. I was still shaking from all the tension. Thank goodness for my sister. She kept it together and was now very giddy with excitement and trying to get us both on board.
Next was the appointment with my RE. This was my first appointment with her where good news was reviewed. She matter-of-factly looked over all of my information and said things look great and that there wasn't much to say (other than she told me I looked peaked and I told her I was on a chicken soup diet and had been crying for the last 20 minutes). She went over a few early pregnancy reminders, which I already knew and told me she would release me to my OB if I wanted. I told her I wasn't ready to go yet so she scheduled me for another ultrasound in 2 weeks. That will be the farthest that I have gotten. It is going to be a long 2 weeks!
I am so thankful for today. I never thought I would be here. I know it is still so early and anything could happen, but I really do feel good about this little one. I am praying so hard that he or she decides to stick around to meet us. Thanks so much for your prayers and thoughts everyone!! I know they are helping!!
Here are a few kind of blurry pics if you are interested. Scroll down to see the latest. :)
share this on » |
{Facebook} |
{Twitter} |
{Pinterest} |
Congratulations! That is fabulous news.
ReplyDeleteSuch amazing news! I am so delighted for you both! We had a very promising first scan on Thursday too. Measured in at 5w5d and saw a beautiful pulsating heartbeat. This is just the first of many hurdles but, with any luck, you and I will be comparing bumps in a matter of months!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Alix! I am so glad that your appointment went so well, too!!! It is going to be a long few months, but we can do it!
Delete!!!!!!!! I have to admit I totally scrolled down to the bottom, so anxious to see the words "The baby was measuring 7 weeks on the nose and the heartbeat was 139." Congratulations! You're pregnant! I am so so so happy that the ultrasound yielded those results. It's great that your sister and husband were there to share in the happiness too.
ReplyDeleteI think it's pretty awful that your RE's office attempts to do these scans abdominally at first. That early on the default at my clinic is to do it transvaginally. Otherwise there is too much room for error and unnecessary anxiety.
I know it's still early and that you have history telling you to be cautious, but I for one am so thrilled and optimistic. I really think this is going to be your take home baby.
Thanks so much. It is hard to believe that it is real yet, although with each passing exam I feel a little bit better. I think it is the hospital policy to do the abdominal exams first. I don't know why though. I wonder if that is common??
DeleteSuch wonderful news!
ReplyDeleteThanks! :)
DeleteOh my God, I felt like I was in the room with you reading this! It's so nerve wracking! So glad things went great!
ReplyDeleteI know, right? They really don't make it easy on the person who is having the ultrasound!
DeleteYessss! Yesssss!
ReplyDeleteSweet Jesus woman next time start the entry with 'everything went fine'. Heart attack. Heart. Attack.
My Magic is flowing from CA right into your uterus.
YAAAAAY!
Haha. I kind of wondered that after I wrote the post, but it was already waaaaaay too long as most of mine tend to be. I feel that magic flowing!!
DeleteOh, this made me so happy to read. I've had a sucky day, but I was glad to hear that something is going right for someone who deserves it somewhere in this world. I'm overjoyed for you...and congrats! I'll keep praying. :)
ReplyDeleteAwww thanks so much, Cassie. I really appreciate you being here and supporting me. Hugs.
DeleteDamn, that first tech really left you sweating, didn't she? That's really unfair. I'm so glad the news was fantastic in the end, but feel for you for having to go through that wait.
ReplyDeleteSeriously...sweating and crying. I am lucky my sister was a good cheerleader or I might have just left while the tech was getting the radiologist. Why do they make this process so much worse than it has to be?!
DeleteThanks so much for stopping by my blog this week. So happy for you that you were able to see your little one this week!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!
DeleteWas hoping to see the post end this way! Rootin' for ya!
ReplyDeleteYay! I'm so happy for you! I was feeling so nervous as I was reading your blog going "is it good news?!" and I was so relieved when I got to the result. :)
ReplyDeleteFX all your ultrasounds from now on are fantastic and full of good news.
Congratulations!!! Yes, I can't believe the tech kept you waiting like that! So not being sensitive! But the outcome sounds perfect. Happy for you and sending wishes for continued normal progress through 9 months!
ReplyDeleteCongratulation! Hope baby sticks around:) I guess we get so use to bad news, it makes a change to get good news.
ReplyDeleteFrom Sunshine (won't post again :()
ReplyDeleteI know that the ultrasound techs aren't supposed to say anything but geez! Give a girl a little hope! I'm am so excited and happy for you! I know you are in a whole new kind of two week wait, one that will consume you no doubt. I will be thinking of you daily and hoping that it goes so quickly for you. We can be crazy together again as I think i am in my 2ww too. Not the same but still crazy. Hugs!