I am dedicating this post to my wonderful husband of almost 4 years (6/28 is our anniversary!).  This morning I had trouble getting myself out the door on time to make my train.  Maybe it was because it was a Monday or maybe it is because it was sunny when I left for work, but I knew it was going to rain later so I had to cram my rainjacket into my bag that was already busting at the seams.  I was very flustered and dropping things left and right as I got into the car. 

Halfway to the train station I realized that I had forgotten my umbrella and I have to walk 1 mile and a quarter to my acupunctue appointment after work.  I threw a hysterical fit, in the midst of which I banged my hand and started bleeding.  Fabulous. 

When we got to the train station I was in such a furious rage that I quickly kissed my husband goodbye, got out, and slammed the door.  Normally I linger a little longer and kiss my doggie, too.  I was so annoyed with everything.  Then a 9 month preggo woman had to stand right next to me at the train station and just stood there rubbing her belly.  Kill me, please.  Oh and the kicker was that my train was 10 minutes late.  That just added fuel to the fire.

About 11 AM, I got a call from my husband who said he was outside my work with something for me.  Now he doesn't work close to me but ocassionally travels to visit different locations.  At this point it was pouring rain and all I had was my lousy Totes emergency mini-umbrella that is also partially broken.  I walked out to his car and saw that he had brought me my super-duty GustBuster Umbrella and a chamomile tea.  What a sweetheart even after I was a miserable jerk this morning. 

Through the past year, my husband and I have weathered such an intense storm.  It is amazing that we are going as strong as ever right now.  We have rejoiced together after getting our first BFP and then cried together after finding out that our baby wasn't going to make it.  He has held my hand though test after test and has dealt with my crazy hormonal rollar coaster.  He has taken care of my after surgeries and cooked for me when I didn't have the energy or or desire to eat.  He has encouraged me to take on acupuncture, yoga, therapy, etc.  He never makes me feel like my anger and jealousy towards pregnant women is abnormal.  He now knows all about temperatures and charting, ovulation tests, pregnancy tests, and even fertile CM.  We have wandered together through this maze of repeated loss, trying to look for the end.  We haven't found the end yet, but I am hoping that we are getting close.

I love my husband so much and I am so lucky that I have him.  Sometimes I forget how much he means to me because I get so wrapped up in trying to get pregnant that I forget that he was here first.  We were here first.  I am glad he is so patient with me.  I just hope and pray that on our 50th wedding anniversary we will be sitting around with our children and grandchildren delebrating and all of the sadness of this time will have faded into the background.