I started practicing yoga on an infrequent basis several years ago, but I could not get into it.  I started with Vinyasa and then moved on to Restorative because I felt so inflexible and uncoordinated in the Vinyasa.  Running was always my number one passion, so that would oftentimes take precedence over yoga.  I felt like yoga wasn't enough of a physical challenge and I felt like the days that I did yoga should also include a run.  I usually didn't have time for both so running would always win out.  I pretty much stopped going for a a year or more.

After my third miscarriage, I decided that I needed to get back to yoga.  I cut way back on running, from 35-40 miles a week to 15-20 so I now had the time.  I wanted to take yoga to help me relax.  My last pregnancy, while short, caused me so much anxiety.  I was constantly anxious from the day that I got my 3rd BFP to the last ultrasound.  I would have a stomachache and headache all day.  I wasn't hungry.  I was constantly emotional and agitated.  I almost wished I wasn't even pregnant because I just couldn't deal with everything.  I went back to my old yoga studio, but decided that I should probably start out with the easiest type of yoga that I could find, Gentle Yoga. 

My first Gentle Yoga class was about 2 weeks after my last D&C.  I was completely out of shape and a ball of angry nerves.  The teacher, a kind older lady, was very welcoming.  I was the youngest participant in the class by about 15-20 years so I stuck out like a sore thumb.  We did lots of breathing exercises and slow moving stretches with some balancing.  I really liked the class and started going 2 times a week. 

After a few weeks I found that I was much more flexible and much more relaxed.  The combination of the yoga and acupuncture has made my anxiety almost non-existent.  I still have some days where I think about the "what ifs" and start freaking out a little, but those days are much fewer and far between. 

Once I got confident enough and a little stronger, I decided to go back to Vinyasa.  My studio was offering a new class with an instructor that I had never had before.  My first Vinyasa class was slightly overwhelming and not like I was used to with Gentle Yoga.  I was almost late and so I had to cram my mat into the back corner.  At Gentle Yoga, there is always space.  The instructor was in amazing shape and could bend like a barbie doll.  The flow was much faster and the poses were more contorted and difficult.  So many of the girls there were younger than me and looked like they stepped directly out of LuLu Lemon.  After that first class I was tired and sore, but I still felt refreshed and relaxed.  I liked how the instructor began class with an intention for the practice and inhaling replenishing breath and exhaling stress and worry.

I have continued to do Vinyasa once a week and Gentle Yoga once a week.  I have found that Gentle Yoga is now very easy and Vinyasa is getting easier.  In Vinyasa yesterday, I did a double pigeon for the first time.  Normally I would modify, but yesterday I went for it. 

At the end of yesterday's class we did some poses using the wall, which the instructor read some excerpts from a book.  The theme was about the fear of the unknown and how life is filled with so many twists and turns that we never know what is going to happen next.  We need to accept the things that happen in our lives and recognize that life would be so boring if we knew what was going to happen next.  Life is exciting because we never know what is going to happen.  We need to accept the things that have happened, let them go, and learn and grow.  I felt like she was speaking directly to me.  I left yesterday's class feeling so refreshed.  Life is so filled with possibilities.  I feel like I am starting again with a clean slate.